Smeeagain, go on you know you want to

[bobbyshinton 59]

You need to use your imagination here.

 

 

Phone ringing

 

 

***phone picked up*** following conversation

 

 

"Hello?"

 

"Hello pet, this is Daddy .... Is your Mummy near the phone?"

 

"No,Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank.

 

" After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!"

 

"Oh Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mummy, right now!"

 

"Uh, Okay, then . here's what I want you do.

 

Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mummy and Uncle

Frank that Daddy's car's just pulled up outside the house."

 

"Okay, Daddy!"

 

A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone.

 

"Well,I did what you said, Daddy."

 

"And what happened?" he asks.

 

"Well, Mummy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and

ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went flying

out the front window and now she's all dead."

 

"Oh my God!!!!! And what about Uncle Frank?"

 

"He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared and

he jumped out the back window into the fish pond, but he must

have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so

he hit the bottom of the fish pond and now he's all real dead too."

 

 

***long pause*** ***more pause**** Then Daddy says, "fish pond????

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

 

 

Is this 26642545?"

 

 

if that was too hard to understand her's another

 

 

A NUFC supporting van driver used to keep himself amused by scaring every Mckem he saw sauntering down the road.

 

He would swerve as if to hit them, and at the last minute, swerve back on to the road.

 

One day, as he was driving, he saw a priest hitch-hiking. He thought he would do a good deed for the day and offer the priest a lift.

 

The driver says, "where are you off to father?"

 

The priest says, "i'm off to give mass at St Michael's Church. Its about two miles down the road."

 

The driver says, "not a problem. jump in."

 

The priest climbs aboard and they set off.

 

Suddenly the driver sees a Mackem walking alongthe pavement, and instinctively swerves as if to hit him.

 

But just in time remembers there's a priest in the van, so swerves back on to the road again, narrowly missing the Mackem.

 

However, although he's sure he didn't hit him, he still hears a thump.

 

Wondering where the noise came from, he glances in his mirrors and, seeing nothing, says to the priest, "i'm worried father. I just missed that Scumberland fan who was walking down the road."

 

The priest says, "no need to worry. I got the fucker with the door."

 

and another

 

 

 

A Mackem distraught about Scumberlands poor performance against Ipswich prepares to hang himself.

 

He decides to wear his full Scumberland kit.

 

A neighbour discovers the body, and calls the police.

 

On arrival, the policeman quickly removes the man's Scumberland kit, and dresses the man in stockings and suspenders.

 

Baffled, the neighbour asks why.

 

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

 

The policeman says, " it's to avoid embarrassing the family."

 

and another

 

 

 

After a disastrous match Rafael Benitez yells, "Bellamy, you were crap."

 

Robbie Fowler, trying reassure his team-mate, says, "don't listen to him Bellers. He doesn't know what he's talking about.

.

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He just repeats what everyone else says." you're just a joke machine

Edited September 28, 2006 by bobbyshinton

[Renton 22409]

Second "joke" down, the one about swerving the car against mackems - that was originally a joke about Millwall, wasn't it?

 

Disappointed you're plagiarisng tbh.

[Kevin Carr's Gloves 4076]

You need to use your imagination here.

 

 

Phone ringing

 

 

***phone picked up*** following conversation

 

 

"Hello?"

 

"Hello pet, this is Daddy .... Is your Mummy near the phone?"

 

"No,Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank.

 

" After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!"

 

"Oh Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mummy, right now!"

 

"Uh, Okay, then . here's what I want you do.

 

Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mummy and Uncle

Frank that Daddy's car's just pulled up outside the house."

 

"Okay, Daddy!"

 

A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone.

 

"Well,I did what you said, Daddy."

 

"And what happened?" he asks.

 

"Well, Mummy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and

ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went flying

out the front window and now she's all dead."

 

"Oh my God!!!!! And what about Uncle Frank?"

 

"He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared and

he jumped out the back window into the fish pond, but he must

have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so

he hit the bottom of the fish pond and now he's all real dead too."

 

 

***long pause*** ***more pause**** Then Daddy says, "fish pond????

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

 

 

Is this 26642545?"

 

 

if that was too hard to understand her's another

 

 

A NUFC supporting van driver used to keep himself amused by scaring every Mckem he saw sauntering down the road.

 

He would swerve as if to hit them, and at the last minute, swerve back on to the road.

 

One day, as he was driving, he saw a priest hitch-hiking. He thought he would do a good deed for the day and offer the priest a lift.

 

The driver says, "where are you off to father?"

 

The priest says, "i'm off to give mass at St Michael's Church. Its about two miles down the road."

 

The driver says, "not a problem. jump in."

 

The priest climbs aboard and they set off.

 

Suddenly the driver sees a Mackem walking alongthe pavement, and instinctively swerves as if to hit him.

 

But just in time remembers there's a priest in the van, so swerves back on to the road again, narrowly missing the Mackem.

 

However, although he's sure he didn't hit him, he still hears a thump.

 

Wondering where the noise came from, he glances in his mirrors and, seeing nothing, says to the priest, "i'm worried father. I just missed that Millwall fan who was walking down the road."

 

The priest says, "no need to worry. I got the fucker with the door."

 

and another

 

 

 

A Mackem distraught about Scumberlands poor performance against Ipswich prepares to hang himself.

 

He decides to wear his full Scumberland kit.

 

A neighbour discovers the body, and calls the police.

 

On arrival, the policeman quickly removes the man's Scumberland kit, and dresses the man in stockings and suspenders.

 

Baffled, the neighbour asks why.

 

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

 

The policeman says, " it's to avoid embarrassing the family."

 

and another

 

 

 

After a disastrous match Rafael Benitez yells, "Bellamy, you were crap."

 

Robbie Fowler, trying reassure his team-mate, says, "don't listen to him Bellers. He doesn't know what he's talking about.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

He just repeats what everyone else says." you're just a joke machine

 

You need to copy and paste better.

[Guest Patrokles]

Poor form, Bobby. The first joke has too many numbers in the phone number and the second joke replaces Sunderland with Milwall at one point. TUT.

[MrBass 2811]

A NUFC supporting van driver used to keep himself amused by scaring every Mckem he saw sauntering down the road.

 

He would swerve as if to hit them, and at the last minute, swerve back on to the road.

 

One day, as he was driving, he saw a priest hitch-hiking. He thought he would do a good deed for the day and offer the priest a lift.

 

The driver says, "where are you off to father?"

 

The priest says, "i'm off to give mass at St Michael's Church. Its about two miles down the road."

 

The driver says, "not a problem. jump in."

 

The priest climbs aboard and they set off.

 

Suddenly the driver sees a Mackem walking alongthe pavement, and instinctively swerves as if to hit him.

 

But just in time remembers there's a priest in the van, so swerves back on to the road again, narrowly missing the Mackem.

 

However, although he's sure he didn't hit him, he still hears a thump.

 

Wondering where the noise came from, he glances in his mirrors and, seeing nothing, says to the priest, "i'm worried father. I just missed that Millwall fan who was walking down the road."

 

The priest says, "no need to worry. I got the fucker with the door."

 

Poorly written tbqf.

 

Surely as the driver is clearly based in Newcastle he'd have a Newcastle accent, ergo that line should read:

 

The driver says: "Whey aye man, where ya goin' noooow?"

[Renton 22409]

Was the second joke originally about Millwall then?

[bobbyshinton 59]

Was the second joke originally about Millwall then?

 

 

 

 

[Gemmill 47084]

Shit them, Bobby.

[Kevin Carr's Gloves 4076]

Was the second joke originally about Millwall then?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now about to be sued by the unknown comic too.

[spongebob toonpants 4183]

Boo

[manc-mag 1]

Was the second joke originally about Millwall then?

 

Was the second joke originally a joke then?

[Guest Patrokles]

Was the second joke originally about Millwall then?

 

Was the second joke originally a joke then?

 

Some time before the birth of Christ, yes.

 

I AM AWARE OF THE ANACHRONISM.