Funny quotes from letters to a council's housing department

[rebellious 0]

"I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off."

 

"I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage."

 

"Their 18 year old son is continuously banging his balls against my fence."

 

"I wish to report that tiles are missing from the roof of the outside toilet and I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off."

 

"The lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?"

 

"I am writing on behalf of my sink which is coming away from the wall."

 

"Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant."

 

"I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen."

 

"Can you please tell me when the repairs will be done as my wife is about to become an expectant mother."

 

"I am still having trouble with smoke in my built in drawers."

 

"The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared."

 

"Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink."

 

"Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now it is in three pieces."

 

"Would you please send a man to repair my sprout. I am an old age pensioner and need it straight away."

 

"I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's getting too much."

 

"The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous."

 

"Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so will you please send someone around to do something about it."

 

"I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would be pleased if you could do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night."

 

"Please send a man with clean tools to finish the job and satisfy the wife."

 

"I have had the Clerk of the Works down on the floor six times, but still have no satisfaction."

 

"We are getting married in September and would like it in the garden before we move into the house."

 

"This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2."

 

 

Does anyone here have anything add, any stupid comments you remember from work or customers?

 

We have a stupid question chart at the shop we work in. It fills up quite quickly.

[Brock Manson 0]

At Sainsbury's they put "warning: contains nuts" on their roast salted peanuts.

[Tom_NUFC 0]

At Sainsbury's they put "warning: contains nuts" on their roast salted peanuts.

 

They have to do that nowadays, because there are some f*cking stupid people in the world, so if they put 'warning, contains nuts' on a packet of peanuts, then they're covered and not responsible.

They're just protecting themselves against the stupidity of people.

[Jimbo 175]

I once had a book of stupid signs, my personal favourite was:

 

Please don't fondle the fruit, ask for Debby.

[Radgina 1]

I once had a book of stupid signs, my personal favourite was:

 

Please don't fondle the fruit, ask for Debby.

 

we used to have a book of stupid names at work and sometimes in sheer boredom we would do a Bart Simpson and make our own up and get people to ring them. No word of a lie we once got a fella to ring up a restaurant in the Toon and ask for Sue Poftheday ???