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Diet coke drinkers at MacDonald's -

 

You fat cunt - why do you order a Big Mac, large fries and then a diet coke? Do you think that after devouring a burger containing a level of fat comparable to the blubber on whales and fries with so much salt on them that it would kill 1000 slugs, by drinking coke you will remain skinny due to marginally reduced calories? U FAT STUPID CUNT. You were a fat cunt when you walked in, a fat cunt while you ordered, and you will walk out a fat cunt. Fat fucking cunts.

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Starts well....

 

Marijuana..

 

Yesterday I was seventeen.... now all of a sudden I'm twenty-nine, too scared to go outside, and have the mental thingymajingy of a Wotsit. Thank you, you cunt

 

Fonz from Happy Days...

 

This cunt wears a leather jacket, hangs around high school kids, lives in someone's garage, likes giving kids a ride on his bike and his "office" is the boys' toilets.

 

You couldn't get more of a noncing paedo cunt.

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Diet coke drinkers at MacDonald's -

14476[/snapback]

 

My favourite Diet Coke drinker was in the Jameson destillery in Dublin. Everybody was offered a free one (and I can't think of any other reason to do such a visit), only one American tourist was asking if she could have a diet coke instead. I'll never forget the stare of the tour guide. :blink:

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Diet coke drinkers at MacDonald's -

14476[/snapback]

 

My favourite Diet Coke drinker was in the Jameson destillery in Dublin. Everybody was offered a free one (and I can't think of any other reason to do such a visit), only one American tourist was asking if she could have a diet coke instead. I'll never forget the stare of the tour guide. :blink:

14718[/snapback]

 

"Get out" *smack* that would have been my reply

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Mothers of teenage girls

 

Listen bitch - if you are going to let your attractive 16 yr old daughter wear a tight t-shirt with 'Je suis horny' written across her tits in small letters, I AM going to fucking look at it, OK? And when I do, don't give me fucking death stares like I'm some kind of paedo serial perv, do you understand you daft fucking bint.

 

Oh, and for your information, I've cracked out at least half a dozen good wanks over the memories of her flouncing around in that top, so bollocks to you.

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Bob Holness

 

Me: I'll have a C please Bob.

 

Bob: What C is the slang name for a woman's genitalia and also the name for a pompous grey haired John Major lookalike who talks a power of shite?

 

Me: Is it cunt, Bob?

 

Bob: Indeed it is, you just won your 5th Gold run.

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Seb Coe:

 

Uppity posh cunt. Once told by a Policeman he would have to use the main entrance to the House of Commons, rather than the side entrance which was closed to all.

 

"Do you know who I am?" Asked Coe. "No." came the reply.

 

On being told the copper said "Good. You'll be able to run round the front all the quicker then, won't you?"

 

That's mint if true. :blink:

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Girl from work - Oh so you dont fucking like me do you, you stupid fucking cunt, I act like a cunting tit to impress you and then you fuck me over, well hope you fucking get hit by a bus thats on fire and covered in flesh eating bacteria you lanky cunting selfish slut.

 

Bad day at the office? :blink:

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sonia from eastenders -

 

you fucking tortoise looking cunt...as if u would get two fellas to shag ya. rather let ethel have it and that cunts been dead for ten years. whistle one more time when you speak, i will come to walford and replace ya voice box with aq horse box. no wonder ya family left ya fatty...even wellard fucked off

 

:blink:

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Queuing for a train ticket

 

what a cunt this is. trains going in 3 miniutes. one fucking ticket desk open. taken up by some old cunt who is either a) enquiring about the possibility of travelling some where later in the year, maybe :razz: booking a ticket in advance (why didnt i think of that smarmy organised cunts!) c) paying for a ticket with a credit card, which the gormless cunt behind the desk doesnt have a clue how to process. Every time you go the price has gone up, service gone down. If it wasnt for the fact that nearly every fucking train is late any way, i would never catch the bone rattling cunt!

 

:blink: It's true.

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Diet coke drinkers at MacDonald's -

14476[/snapback]

 

My favourite Diet Coke drinker was in the Jameson destillery in Dublin. Everybody was offered a free one (and I can't think of any other reason to do such a visit), only one American tourist was asking if she could have a diet coke instead. I'll never forget the stare of the tour guide. :blink:

14718[/snapback]

 

I was in a restaurant on the west coast of scotland last year when four american guys walk in. They'd been playing golf (dressed way too ott for the occasion as expected) and had come for a meal. Waitress comes over and asks them what they'd like to drink.

 

'You got any light beer?'

'Light beer?'

'You know, the low carb stuff, like Miller Light?'

 

Light beer? LIGHT BEER? I felt like going over and saying 'you may as well drink a coke you twat.'

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On a similar note, I can't imagine for the life of me why anyone would want to drink that C2 (Carling 2%) crap.

 

I think the idea is that someone wants to drink beer for the taste, without the innebriating after effects. Which is all well and good, but drinking Carling for the taste?! :rolleyes::nufc::blink::protest::razz::nufc::rolleyes:

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Gays at party:

 

I was at a party once and met a lovely, fit bird who was happily toasted enough to agree to slip upstairs with me for a nice, hot shag. Unfortunately the first room we tried was occupied, by two bloody men having a 69ner. I could happily have gone my whole life without ever seeing that. You pair of cunts, I am totally fucked up for life and I never got my shag.

 

What a pair of selfish cunts

 

Dirty arsed slag:

 

I scored a one night stand once and just before we got down to it she went to the bog, I presumed to "powder her nose".

 

Unfortunately she went to drop a teddy's leg and as it transpired didn't wipe properly. Once i got her in the doggy position I spent the next few minutes wafting as I pumped until I eventually flopped and had to make a pathetic excuse about being too pissed. If you are reading this, I wasn't pissed, you had a shitty disgusting arse and I hate you, you cunt.

 

 

:blink:

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Unfortunately the first room we tried was occupied, by two bloody men having a 69ner. I could happily have gone my whole life without ever seeing that. You pair of cunts, I am totally fucked up for life and I never got my shag.

 

What a pair of selfish cunts

16011[/snapback]

 

:blink::razz::nufc:

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Best.Site.Ever!

 

Jeremy Beadle - A big hand to the biggest cunt in Britain  :blink:

15657[/snapback]

Jeremy Beadle has a small knob, but on the other hand, it's quite big.

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