Stag do stories

[bobbyshinton 59]

Stag Nights. Mine was an old fashioned one, around the Bigg Market with a geet big steel ball and chain around me leg.

 

Was in a bar (cannot remember it's name at mo) when me mate pushed the ball in the piss trough. Ha fucking ha, I picked it up and put it in the sink to wash, it went straight through, as luck would have it a bouncer came in and saw the damage and twatted me in the lug. Fight started between me mate and the bouncer I'm on the floor covered in piss with me leg attached to a broken sink.

 

More mates and bouncers piled into bogs and small walkway in, i managed to escape well and truelly effed.

 

Anyone had a memorable stag night

 

i pinched these ossie stories from somewhere

 

Rob W you might know the bar name. On right hand side as you go down bigg market, before Blackie Boy, late 70's. ran by a lesbian, same time as viv had Imp.

 

 

Australians are well known for taking the groom and go out for a really big

night on the town before his wedding. Below are some amusing (& scary)

quotes taken from actual bucks nights.....

 

1)- We tied him up, put honey on his old boy and got the cow to lick it off.

We didn't know cows have such raspy tongues. It took the skin off.

 

2)- He was stripped, plastered with toothpaste and bootpolish and any other

substance we could lay our hands on, and tied to the bus stop opposite his

house.

 

3)- When the buck was totally sloshed, we stripped him and drove him out to

the cow paddock. There was this cow, it had been dead for 3 days. We gutted

it, it was all green and maggotty. We shoved him in the belly, pushed his

right hand and arm out the arse, then sewed up the belly. We left him there

to wake up!

 

4)- We covered his dick with superglue, but forgot it would also cover the

hole. He couldn't piss. We had to rush him to hospital for an emergency

operation. He thought he was going to die.

 

5)- He was wandering disoriented and naked down the median strip, painted

blue all over.

 

6)- The buck was stripped naked and tied to the end of a boom gate at a

railway crossing. A train was coming and the boom gate went up, with a

naked buck tied to the end. He bounced about a lot.

 

7)- It wasn't good that the guys got me drunk as a monkey, stuck me in a

packing crate, and sent me on the Ghan train to Alice Springs. Lucky there

was a plane back on Saturday morning in time for the wedding.

 

8)- He was tied spread-eagled on the wire fence at the drive-in cinema,

totally starkers. The headlights of every car picked him out.

 

9)- We got him totally pissed, stripped him naked, and tied him up to the

front bull bar of a semi-trailer truck. The look of sheer terror on his face

as we shot at high speed down the highway in the dark was bloody hilarious.

 

10)- I got to the shed and the buck's there, up to his chin in a 44 gallon

drum of pig shit.

 

11)- They held me down and creamed my old boy with industrial grease. Didn't

know there were fine steel shavings in it. I discovered agony!

 

12)- They threw him in the fountain. One, two, three, heave!!!! He landed

smack on his back. A huge sheet of water went up. Then he got a strange look

on his face, and they saw the blood spreading everywhere. He had landed on a

spiky water jet. It had impaled him. He was D.O.A."

 

13)- They tied him to the top of the car and went through the carwash.

Nobody thought that he'd die.

Edited August 14, 2006 by bobbyshinton

[manc-mag 1]

Two of the first three of those Australian stories involve cows.

[Lazarus 0]

Last stag nite i went to ended up with the groom having alchohol poisoning and going to hospital.

 

when he came round in A&E a nurse held a foil tray under his chin in case he vomited and he said 'someones nicked me chinkies' to the nurse

 

 

Took months for his lass to forgive us.

[manc-mag 1]

It baffles me how they can even get the 'buck' pissed on Fosters out of those quarter pint tumblers tbh.

[Tooj 17]

Me dad told us one when he was on Andy Linighan's stag night who used to play for Arsenal.

 

He actually went home early as he knew what they'd do to him so on the minibus on the way home some bloke asked them for a lift and despite the fact they were going the oppsosite way they took him along anyways without telling him. Then they got the mini bus driver to stop next to this big telephone mast and they stripped the poor bloke and tied him round it. Thus leading to fire engines being called and the story making the front page of the Northern Echo.