Happy Face 29 Posted July 11, 2006 Share Posted July 11, 2006 One of the kids made wor lass a present a while ago. He covered 2 loo rolls in glitter and selotaped them together. She was over the moon, gave him a cuddle, told him how clever he was and gave him a bar of chocolate. So today was her birthday, I thought "I know what she likes" and rather than one of those expensive gold items, I made her a thoughful gift of paperclips fashioned into a necklace. Imagine my surprise when she opened it, burst into tears, and hasn't spoke to me since. Women! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt 0 Posted July 11, 2006 Share Posted July 11, 2006 Yeah, but the kids grew out of wetting the bed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jusoda Kid 1 Posted July 11, 2006 Share Posted July 11, 2006 You can't win with these awkward cows i tell you! Got a cheek to say to the kids "stop being ungrateful" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catmag 337 Posted July 11, 2006 Share Posted July 11, 2006 Can't live with us, can't please us any of the time! Gentlemen - know your place! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 47121 Posted July 11, 2006 Share Posted July 11, 2006 Nicked from this month's Viz tbh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Face 29 Posted July 11, 2006 Author Share Posted July 11, 2006 Nicked from this month's Viz tbh. 158592[/snapback] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 11080 Posted July 11, 2006 Share Posted July 11, 2006 Can't live with us, can't please us any of the time! Gentlemen - know your place! 158588[/snapback] shut it wench you know damned well we've tried to explain logic, reason and sense to you lot for generations and you still can't grasp it. I'll say one thing else, this country has gone down the shitter ever since women got the vote, we used to have a bloody empire! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catmag 337 Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 Can't live with us, can't please us any of the time! Gentlemen - know your place! 158588[/snapback] shut it wench you know damned well we've tried to explain logic, reason and sense to you lot for generations and you still can't grasp it. I'll say one thing else, this country has gone down the shitter ever since women got the vote, we used to have a bloody empire! 158633[/snapback] You, in particular can't live without us You're forever whingeing about something some lass has done to wind you up yet you always go back for more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 11080 Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 what can I say I'm addicted still doesn't mean I have to like you lot! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Face 29 Posted July 12, 2006 Author Share Posted July 12, 2006 Married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years go, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched A 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 Year old blond. Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma Screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things." My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 Year old blond, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in A cheap apartment, driving a cheap car & sleeping on a sofa bed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest alex Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 I read that in Jackie Mason's voice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 11080 Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 I read that in James Mason's voice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Papa Lazaru 0 Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 I read that in James Earl Jones voice! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geordieshandy 0 Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 I read that in Joe Pasquale's voice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
khay 10 Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 I read it in my head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest alex Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 I read that off a screen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geordieshandy 0 Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 I read that with my eyes closed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Papa Lazaru 0 Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 I read that with my windows closed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest alex Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 I read that backwards with my eyes closed off a screen in my head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Papa Lazaru 0 Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 I read that backwards with my eyes closed off a screen in Alex's head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adios 717 Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 Alex doesn't have a screen in his head, it's just the way the light hits it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest alex Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 I telepathically anticipated the obligatory Alex joke Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adios 717 Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 Obvious even to Alex, my career as an online funny-man meets an untimely end. I wept. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest alex Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 Obvious even to Alex, my career as an online funny-man meets an untimely end. I wept. 158882[/snapback] Ended before it began? Interesting Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adios 717 Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 Ended before it began? Interesting 158883[/snapback] Beaten by the king of predictability! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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