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Joke time


Craig
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The difference between guts and balls

 

Guts - is arriving home late after a night out with the lads, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

 

Balls - is coming home late after a night out with the lads, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the arse and having the balls to say, "You're next fatty".

 

****

 

3 cockerels in a chicken run. 1 is normal, 1 is dyslexic, and 1 is gay.

 

At dawn every morning they come out of their hutch in the same order.

 

The normal cockerel hops on the perch ,beats his wings, fluffs his feathers, struts his stuff and cries "Cock-a-doodle do".

 

The dyslexic cockerel hops on the perch, beats his wings, fluffs his feathers, struts his stuff and cries "Doodle-doodle-cock"

 

The gay cockerel hops on the perch, beats his wings, fluffs his feathers, struts his stuff and cries, "Any-cock'll-do"

 

****

 

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway, shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!!"

 

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door,storm up the steps, throw my shoes in the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the ass and shout, "WHO'S HORNY".... "and she acts like she's asleep every time."

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