strawb 4188 Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 Speaking to my old man today, when he just got with my mam they took his nana out for dinner. She ordered a quiche but pronounced it quicky. General random conversation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adios 717 Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 Bad jokes thread? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 21393 Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 Are you sure she didn't just want a quicky? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 19980 Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adios 717 Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42129 Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 What have professional horse racers got to do with it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adios 717 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 You've completely lost me I'm afraid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 21393 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 What's a jockey between friends? Fuck knows.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 30369 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 (edited) Quiche -> quickyJoke -> jockeyI'm guessing. Either way MF is losing his touch Edited October 26, 2016 by ewerk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42129 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 I have the best jokes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kid Dynamite 7009 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Surely Quiche said quickly sounds like kiss? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex 34912 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Thought this was canny, about a Sicilian photographer famous for her Mafia photos. Reminded me of Weegee's work: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/in-pictures-37749921 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adios 717 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Quiche -> quicky Joke -> jockey I'm guessing. Either way MF is losing his touch Feck me, I'm slow on the uptake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adios 717 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 I liked it btw. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42129 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 I liked it btw. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rayvin 5186 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 The standard of jokes on here has been shocking recently. Worse than usual and that's saying something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adios 717 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 You should try living on the continent if you think that's poor humour. What's Chinese banter like? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 32826 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 You should try living on the continent if you think that's poor humour. What's Chinese banter like? 'Man who fish in other man's pond, often only catch crabs. Amalite?' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rayvin 5186 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Never been asked that. They have puns and word-play so it's kind of similar to ours. They lack the desolate, embracing-of-the-void style gallows humour of the Europeans though. So for instance, they have a finite number of word sounds, or syllables; English has as many as you can think of, but they're forced to combine the same sounds to make different meanings. Their verb for 'to be' is 'shi'. Shi can also (out of context) mean city, a grammatical particle, certain animals, and the number 10. Therefore, there is a Chinese poem that is made up entirely of the syllable 'shi'. It's multiple lines long, is ridiculous, but actually makes sense. The Chinese find it hilarious: Transcript (traditional Chinese):《施氏食獅史》石室詩士施氏,嗜獅,誓食十獅。氏時時適市視獅。十時,適十獅適市。是時,適施氏適市。氏視是十獅,恃矢勢,使是十獅逝世。氏拾是十獅屍,適石室。石室濕,氏使侍拭石室。石室拭,氏始試食是十獅。食時,始識是十獅屍,實十石獅屍。試釋是事。Phonetically spelled:« Shī Shì shí shī shǐ »Shíshì shīshì Shī Shì, shì shī, shì shí shí shī.Shì shíshí shì shì shì shī.Shí shí, shì shí shī shì shì.Shì shí, shì Shī Shì shì shì.Shì shì shì shí shī, shì shǐ shì, shǐ shì shí shī shìshì.Shì shí shì shí shī shī, shì shíshì.Shíshì shī, Shì shǐ shì shì shíshì.Shíshì shì, Shì shǐ shì shí shì shí shī.Shí shí, shǐ shí shì shí shī, shí shí shí shī shī.Shì shì shì shì.Translation:« Lion-Eating Poet in the Stone Den »In a stone den was a poet called Shi, who was a lion addict, and had resolved to eat ten lions.He often went to the market to look for lions.At ten o'clock, ten lions had just arrived at the market.At that time, Shi had just arrived at the market.He saw those ten lions, and using his trusty arrows, caused the ten lions to die.He brought the corpses of the ten lions to the stone den.The stone den was damp. He asked his servants to wipe it.After the stone den was wiped, he tried to eat those ten lions.When he ate, he realized that these ten lions were in fact ten stone lion corpses.Try to explain this matter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 32826 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Never been asked that. They have puns and word-play so it's kind of similar to ours. They lack the desolate, embracing-of-the-void style gallows humour of the Europeans though. So for instance, they have a finite number of word sounds, or syllables; English has as many as you can think of, but they're forced to combine the same sounds to make different meanings. Their verb for 'to be' is 'shi'. Shi can also (out of context) mean city, a grammatical particle, certain animals, and the number 10. Therefore, there is a Chinese poem that is made up entirely of the syllable 'shi'. It's multiple lines long, is ridiculous, but actually makes sense. The Chinese find it hilarious: Transcript (traditional Chinese): 《施氏食獅史》 石室詩士施氏,嗜獅,誓食十獅。 氏時時適市視獅。 十時,適十獅適市。 是時,適施氏適市。 氏視是十獅,恃矢勢,使是十獅逝世。 氏拾是十獅屍,適石室。 石室濕,氏使侍拭石室。 石室拭,氏始試食是十獅。 食時,始識是十獅屍,實十石獅屍。 試釋是事。 Phonetically spelled: « Shī Shì shí shī shǐ » Shíshì shīshì Shī Shì, shì shī, shì shí shí shī. Shì shíshí shì shì shì shī. Shí shí, shì shí shī shì shì. Shì shí, shì Shī Shì shì shì. Shì shì shì shí shī, shì shǐ shì, shǐ shì shí shī shìshì. Shì shí shì shí shī shī, shì shíshì. Shíshì shī, Shì shǐ shì shì shíshì. Shíshì shì, Shì shǐ shì shí shì shí shī. Shí shí, shǐ shí shì shí shī, shí shí shí shī shī. Shì shì shì shì. Translation: « Lion-Eating Poet in the Stone Den » In a stone den was a poet called Shi, who was a lion addict, and had resolved to eat ten lions. He often went to the market to look for lions. At ten o'clock, ten lions had just arrived at the market. At that time, Shi had just arrived at the market. He saw those ten lions, and using his trusty arrows, caused the ten lions to die. He brought the corpses of the ten lions to the stone den. The stone den was damp. He asked his servants to wipe it. After the stone den was wiped, he tried to eat those ten lions. When he ate, he realized that these ten lions were in fact ten stone lion corpses. Try to explain this matter. To be fair, it's no worse than Michael McIntire. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 30369 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Translation: « Lion-Eating Poet in the Stone Den » In a stone den was a poet called Shi, who was a lion addict, and had resolved to eat ten lions. He often went to the market to look for lions. At ten o'clock, ten lions had just arrived at the market. At that time, Shi had just arrived at the market. He saw those ten lions, and using his trusty arrows, caused the ten lions to die. He brought the corpses of the ten lions to the stone den. The stone den was damp. He asked his servants to wipe it. After the stone den was wiped, he tried to eat those ten lions. When he ate, he realized that these ten lions were in fact ten stone lion corpses. Try to explain this matter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rayvin 5186 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Exactly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meenzer 15432 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 « Shī Shì shí shī shǐ » Shíshì shīshì Shī Shì, shì shī, shì shí shí shī. Shì shíshí shì shì shì shī. Shí shí, shì shí shī shì shì. Shì shí, shì Shī Shì shì shì. Shì shì shì shí shī, shì shǐ shì, shǐ shì shí shī shìshì. Shì shí shì shí shī shī, shì shíshì. Shíshì shī, Shì shǐ shì shì shíshì. Shíshì shì, Shì shǐ shì shí shì shí shī. Shí shí, shǐ shí shì shí shī, shí shí shí shī shī. Shì shì shì shì. Shine on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rayvin 5186 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 I was gonna post a video of someone saying it but really, it's not worth watching. To be fair to them though, Hong Kong comedy films have always been pretty good. Kung Fu Hustle is superb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adios 717 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Never been asked that. They have puns and word-play so it's kind of similar to ours. They lack the desolate, embracing-of-the-void style gallows humour of the Europeans though. So for instance, they have a finite number of word sounds, or syllables; English has as many as you can think of, but they're forced to combine the same sounds to make different meanings. Their verb for 'to be' is 'shi'. Shi can also (out of context) mean city, a grammatical particle, certain animals, and the number 10. Therefore, there is a Chinese poem that is made up entirely of the syllable 'shi'. It's multiple lines long, is ridiculous, but actually makes sense. The Chinese find it hilarious: Transcript (traditional Chinese): 《施氏食獅史》 石室詩士施氏,嗜獅,誓食十獅。 氏時時適市視獅。 十時,適十獅適市。 是時,適施氏適市。 氏視是十獅,恃矢勢,使是十獅逝世。 氏拾是十獅屍,適石室。 石室濕,氏使侍拭石室。 石室拭,氏始試食是十獅。 食時,始識是十獅屍,實十石獅屍。 試釋是事。 Phonetically spelled: « Shī Shì shí shī shǐ » Shíshì shīshì Shī Shì, shì shī, shì shí shí shī. Shì shíshí shì shì shì shī. Shí shí, shì shí shī shì shì. Shì shí, shì Shī Shì shì shì. Shì shì shì shí shī, shì shǐ shì, shǐ shì shí shī shìshì. Shì shí shì shí shī shī, shì shíshì. Shíshì shī, Shì shǐ shì shì shíshì. Shíshì shì, Shì shǐ shì shí shì shí shī. Shí shí, shǐ shí shì shí shī, shí shí shí shī shī. Shì shì shì shì. Translation: « Lion-Eating Poet in the Stone Den » In a stone den was a poet called Shi, who was a lion addict, and had resolved to eat ten lions. He often went to the market to look for lions. At ten o'clock, ten lions had just arrived at the market. At that time, Shi had just arrived at the market. He saw those ten lions, and using his trusty arrows, caused the ten lions to die. He brought the corpses of the ten lions to the stone den. The stone den was damp. He asked his servants to wipe it. After the stone den was wiped, he tried to eat those ten lions. When he ate, he realized that these ten lions were in fact ten stone lion corpses. Try to explain this matter. Quality banter. I find the gallows/sardonic humour to be unique to Ireland/UK/Australia for the most part, and it's one of the reasons I ultimately find it difficult to live anywhere else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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