Monkeys Fist 42413 Posted September 26 Share Posted September 26 35 minutes ago, Renton said: Talking of poop, any tips on how to collect it for this colon screening test? The test specifically says do not let the sample be contaminated with toilet water. So I carefully laid down TP in order to catch it, but it was so strong and magnificant it just went straight through it. I'll need another 12 hours for another attempt. PLEASE DO NOT THINK OF THIS BEFORE YOU HAVE YOUR LUNCH BAIT. Just saying. That’s the one with a little swab stick that you need to wipe on your shite, aye? Unless you’re pulling Aces at every drop, you’re focusing on the wrong source material Let your brown trout flush away and give your hoop a quick flyby with the swab, then commence the clean up operation in your filthy sitter manner. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 44853 Posted September 26 Share Posted September 26 I would honestly rather dress as a dog than tentatively reach back there blind with Ken Dodd's tickle stick. It would take a full day for the grimace to leave my face. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 21609 Posted September 26 Share Posted September 26 2 minutes ago, Monkeys Fist said: That’s the one with a little swab stick that you need to wipe on your shite, aye? Unless you’re pulling Aces at every drop, you’re focusing on the wrong source material Let your brown trout flush away and give your hoop a quick flyby with the swab, then commence the clean up operation in your filthy sitter manner. As a filfthy stander I migh have known you like putting sticks up your arse. This is categorically not what it says on the IFU like, and I'd imagine would be much more likely to give you a false positive. Maybe that's why you did it, maybe you just fancied testing positive so you could get a whole camera up your arse, you dirty stander? You make me sick. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig 6682 Posted September 26 Share Posted September 26 Just now, Gemmill said: I would honestly rather dress as a dog than tentatively reach back there blind with Ken Dodd's tickle stick. It would take a full day for the grimace to leave my face. I thought we have an explanation for your permanent grimace for a moment. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42413 Posted September 26 Share Posted September 26 9 minutes ago, Renton said: so you could get a hole camera up your arse Fyp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex 35077 Posted September 26 Share Posted September 26 54 minutes ago, Gemmill said: Poop Banksy. You're Poopsy. Blek Le Shat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 44853 Posted September 28 Share Posted September 28 What the fuck is going on at the met. I know you get bad apples everywhere, but these are turning up the worst kind of wrongun every few months. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toonpack 9399 Posted September 28 Share Posted September 28 (edited) 1 hour ago, Gemmill said: What the fuck is going on at the met. I know you get bad apples everywhere, but these are turning up the worst kind of wrongun every few months. I have a couple of mates who were Northumbria plod, a force that used to be hard to get into (no idea what it’s like now) they always said those who can’t get in join the Met “they’ll take anyone”. Young lad I worked with proved the point, tried Northumbria and got bombed out, he joined the Met (he wasn’t a waster/wrong’un himself mind). Edited September 28 by Toonpack 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 20129 Posted September 28 Share Posted September 28 6 hours ago, Toonpack said: I have a couple of mates who were Northumbria plod, a force that used to be hard to get into (no idea what it’s like now) they always said those who can’t get in join the Met “they’ll take anyone”. Young lad I worked with proved the point, tried Northumbria and got bombed out, he joined the Met (he wasn’t a waster/wrong’un himself mind). Police take any cunt now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 20129 Posted September 28 Share Posted September 28 Wor Lass has just said to me 'we've got a Newcastle office, what's your thoughts on moving here' I've told her I'll put the house up for sale tomorrow 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toonpack 9399 Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 Darras Hall and next door to Wilson may be a bit out of your price range Wyki 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42413 Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 10 hours ago, wykikitoon said: Wor Lass has just said to me 'we've got a Newcastle office, what's your thoughts on moving here' I've told her I'll put the house up for sale tomorrow I can recommend a great elocution tutor if you make the move- Tadger Armstrong, lives in Percy Main. Mrs. W. is a Scab, isn’t she? No worries- much like Callum, he does couples too. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21915 Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 On 26/09/2024 at 10:47, Renton said: Talking of poop, any tips on how to collect it for this colon screening test? The test specifically says do not let the sample be contaminated with toilet water. So I carefully laid down TP in order to catch it, but it was so strong and magnificant it just went straight through it. I'll need another 12 hours for another attempt. PLEASE DO NOT THINK OF THIS BEFORE YOU HAVE YOUR LUNCH BAIT. Just saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21915 Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 On 26/09/2024 at 11:23, Monkeys Fist said: That’s the one with a little swab stick that you need to wipe on your shite, aye? Unless you’re pulling Aces at every drop, you’re focusing on the wrong source material Let your brown trout flush away and give your hoop a quick flyby with the swab, then commence the clean up operation in your filthy sitter manner. fucking hell lads, it’s too early to be reading this 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazzler 9742 Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 4 minutes ago, Dr Gloom said: fucking hell lads, it’s too early to be reading this Or about three days late 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42413 Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 2 minutes ago, Dazzler said: Or about three days late Give him a break- he’s had to attend his Coronation … … I think that’s what he meant when he said, ” Fuck me , I’m crowning! “ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21915 Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 7 minutes ago, Dazzler said: Or about three days late some of us have subjects to attend to 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21915 Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 3 minutes ago, Monkeys Fist said: Give him a break- he’s had to attend his Coronation … … I think that’s what he meant when he said, ” Fuck me , I’m crowning! “ which reminds me, i just had my morning coffee so I will soon be in need of the royal wiper 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 11263 Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 20 minutes ago, Dr Gloom said: which reminds me, i just had my morning coffee so I will soon be in need of the royal wiper Gloom of the Stool? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21915 Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 2 hours ago, RobinRobin said: Gloom of the Stool? kiss the ring 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 20129 Posted September 29 Share Posted September 29 4 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: I can recommend a great elocution tutor if you make the move- Tadger Armstrong, lives in Percy Main. Mrs. W. is a Scab, isn’t she? No worries- much like Callum, he does couples too. Beat the scab out of her years ago. 😝 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 11263 Posted September 30 Share Posted September 30 15 hours ago, Dr Gloom said: kiss the ring 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 20129 Posted September 30 Share Posted September 30 Got home after a mega weekend in the Toon. Walking out of Leeds station and a group of piss heads just deciding to have a piss on the concourse. Nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21915 Posted September 30 Share Posted September 30 pissheads gonna piss 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 10856 Posted October 1 Share Posted October 1 (edited) On 28/09/2024 at 21:32, wykikitoon said: Wor Lass has just said to me 'we've got a Newcastle office, what's your thoughts on moving here' I've told her I'll put the house up for sale tomorrow You could buy my Mam and Dad's house off them? Edited October 1 by The Fish Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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