General Random Conversation..

[Christmas Tree 4725]

Hideous places, but a nice busy soft play on a weekend might help him come on as that age group just run around mental in those places as there’s no (or very few) pre established friendships. They just copy each other and do daft shite.

 

Also well worth asking for an appointment with the teacher and get their view of what they see.

 

Its quite a common situation and most kids find their route eventually.

[Holden McGroin 6582]

1 hour ago, ewerk said:

 

Based on absolutely nothing then maybe that's part of reason? Has he spent most of his life being overshadowed by his brother in social situations? If so then it's maybe something he'll get past as he becomes more independent in school.

 

Has he socialised much with other kids before school? I know why nephews didn't go to kids groups, creches or anything like that and all of them took time adapting to other kids of the same age when they went to school but they got there eventually, it was just something totally alien to them.

I understand what you are saying,

but he has been like this since birth. I think it’s his nature. Always more of a watcher.  If anything his brother often breaks the ice for him. 
 

aye, he went to nursery but we think he didn’t make any friends. Although lots of them would say hi and stuff we ever walked past them but we just couldn’t tell if he made any friends there. He only went twice a week as well.

 

Like TheFish. He went to a different nursery and not the one adjoining the school but I’m sure this is his nature.

 

He was also a covid baby so wonder if that has a knock on effect with social skills.

Edited October 17, 2023 by Holden McGroin

[Holden McGroin 6582]

7 minutes ago, Christmas Tree said:

Hideous places, but a nice busy soft play on a weekend might help him come on as that age group just run around mental in those places as there’s no (or very few) pre established friendships. They just copy each other and do daft shite.

 

Also well worth asking for an appointment with the teacher and get their view of what they see.

 

It’s quite a common situation and most kids find their route eventually.

Yeah. He’ll go to soft play but just run around himself (or with his brother if he goes).

 

Yeah. I’ve got parents evening next month so will have a chat with the teacher but i suspect this is something he’ll have to find within himself to overcome. 

[Dr Gloom 21915]

3 hours ago, Holden McGroin said:

My little boy (4) started school in September. He is very shy and struggles to communicate with kids of the same age. He seems to be better with older children and adults (although occasionally will go into his shell with new people ). He often comes across as rude (eg will turn away when another kid tries to talk to him). He is okay when he gets to know people and never shuts up in the house. Perversely he just gets stuck into stuff (like football training) and isn't shy all in that respect.

 

He has started saying he doesn't want to go to school as no-one will play with him, which is breaking my heart.  When we try to encourage him to talk to other kids he just says he doesn't know what to say. When we try to introduce him to kids out of school he doesn't show much interest in them (although I secretly think he wants to or takes him an age to start building up rapport)

 

Anyone experienced this or have any advice?

 

My little boy found primary school really hard work socially - not because he was shy, he's very loud and confident - but because never found his tribe. football is so important at that age, so if your boy enjoys it, he should hopefully be okay. he may always be shy in nature, but he shouldn't have problem making friends. boys at that age tend to gravitate towards the other boys who play football. and the kids who aren't natural athletes, like my little boy, end up on the fringes in the playground. 

 

it wasn't until my lad started secondary school that he fell in with a bunch of like-minded video game/warhammer dorks and he now has a solid little crew of about 4-5 really good mates with shared interests.

 

there were several years during primary school when he used to come home miserable because of the bullying. it was bloody awful to observe. we tried talking to the teachers, but there's a limit to what they can do if your kid just doesn't fit in with the majority and you feel helpless at times as a parent. but so much of it stemmed from him not being any good at football. so fingers crossed, your boy will make friends through his love of footie and will come out of his shell a bit more in time. 

[Renton 21605]

Good luck HG. He's very young still and plenty of time for things to change but for your own sake if nothing else  it sounds like you need to be proactive. It's not entirely clear to me from what you've said if he wants to socialise but is unable to, or just doesn't really want to. If he wants to (I think that's what your saying), I think this may be a good sign and maybe something will click, maybe very suddenly. Otherwise he may be on the spectrum I guess. Interesting you mention covid, this has had a negative effect on so many kids across the age spectrum (and adults too). 

 

Other random advice, someone earlier talked about a video gaming friendship group, I'd personally be very wary of giving him too much opportunity to withdraw into a virtual world, much better getting him involved in social sports. I'm a first generation gamer but I hate what the latest stuff  does to kids, mine would just do nothing else given the chance. Also I guess you need to wary about projecting adult anxieties here, goodness knows what goes on in a 4 year old head. Talking to the teacher is your best start imo, a good teacher can make a huge difference. 

[Dr Gloom 21915]

6 minutes ago, Renton said:

Good luck HG. He's very young still and plenty of time for things to change but for your own sake if nothing else  it sounds like you need to be proactive. It's not entirely clear to me from what you've said if he wants to socialise but is unable to, or just doesn't really want to. If he wants to (I think that's what your saying), I think this may be a good sign and maybe something will click, maybe very suddenly. Otherwise he may be on the spectrum I guess. Interesting you mention covid, this has had a negative effect on so many kids across the age spectrum (and adults too). 

 

Other random advice, someone earlier talked about a video gaming friendship group, I'd personally be very wary of giving him too much opportunity to withdraw into a virtual world, much better getting him involved in social sports. I'm a first generation gamer but I hate what the latest stuff  does to kids, mine would just do nothing else given the chance. Also I guess you need to wary about projecting adult anxieties here, goodness knows what goes on in a 4 year old head. Talking to the teacher is your best start imo, a good teacher can make a huge difference. 

 

don't get me started on the gaming. it's a constant battle. we have to limit the amount of time they spend doing it. given the choice, they would literally do nothing else 

[The Fish 10856]

2 minutes ago, Dr Gloom said:

 

don't get me started on the gaming. it's a constant battle. we have to limit the amount of time they spend doing it. given the choice, they would literally do nothing else 

How old was yours before they got their first console?

 

I'm tempted to get him a Switch for Christmas, Mrs Fish it's too early.

[Christmas Tree 4725]

3 minutes ago, Dr Gloom said:

 

don't get me started on the gaming. it's a constant battle. we have to limit the amount of time they spend doing it. given the choice, they would literally do nothing else 

Perish the thought they grow into adults spending all their time with their online friends  

[Dr Gloom 21915]

3 minutes ago, The Fish said:

How old was yours before they got their first console?

 

I'm tempted to get him a Switch for Christmas, Mrs Fish it's too early.

 

he got a switch when he turned 8. i'd delay it as long as possible tbh. 

[Renton 21605]

3 minutes ago, The Fish said:

How old was yours before they got their first console?

 

I'm tempted to get him a Switch for Christmas, Mrs Fish it's too early.

 

Get a Switch for yourself. Legend of Zelda will do you wonders over that Marvel crap you watch. 

[The Fish 10856]

Just now, Dr Gloom said:

 

he got a switch when he turned 8. i'd delay it as long as possible tbh. 

Yep, sure, yes, Ok, I hear what you're saying, but what if this was a fool proof plan to allow me to buy myself a Switch, pass it off as generosity towards my child and likely get the wife to chip in?

[Dr Gloom 21915]

3 minutes ago, Christmas Tree said:

Perish the thought they grow into adults spending all their time with their online friends  

 

i know, they're great at smelling the hypocrisy and throwing it back at you. it's hard to chastise your kids about excessive screen time with a straight face as you're looking up from your smartphone.

 

seriously though, we had gaming when we were kids but i did other stuff. my life wasn't defined by it. that's my worry with kids today. they live their lives online. it's kind of sad 

[Dr Gloom 21915]

Just now, The Fish said:

Yep, sure, yes, Ok, I hear what you're saying, but what if this was a fool proof plan to allow me to buy myself a Switch, pass it off as generosity towards my child and likely get the wife to chip in?

 

we had a blast playing limbo and inside on the ps4. got me right back into gaming for a few weeks. annoyingly fifa is one of the few games he never got into (he has zero interest in football despite all my efforts, though he is enjoying telling everyone he supports newcastle these days after years of pisstaking from the chelsea and liverpool fans he goes to school with)

[Alex 35077]

12 minutes ago, Renton said:

 

Get a Switch for yourself. Legend of Zelda will do you wonders over that Marvel crap you watch. 

Just reminded me but the kids found an old DS. Anyway I’d completed New Super Mario Bros years ago but noticed there were some levels (maybe a half dozen) where I hadn’t found all the star coins. So I decided to find them without using any walkthroughs or anything. A couple of them were really difficult to find. Anyway, guess what happens when you find them all. That’s right. Absolutely fuck all  

Edited October 17, 2023 by Alex

[Renton 21605]

1 minute ago, Dr Gloom said:

 

i know, they're great at smelling the hypocrisy and throwing it back at you. it's hard to chastise your kids about excessive screen time with a straight face as you're looking up from your smartphone.

 

seriously though, we had gaming when we were kids but i did other stuff. my life wasn't defined by it. that's my worry with kids today. they live their lives online. it's kind of sad 

 

Also street fighter, Konami super star soccer, etc, we're all payed on a single device so were inherently sociable. NOwadays it's all a virtual world. And then there's safeguarding issues to consider. Think Blur said once Modern Life is Rubbish. It really is now [\grumpy old man]

[Renton 21605]

Just now, Alex said:

Just reminded me but the kids found an old DS. Anyway I’d completed New Super Mario Bros years ago but noticed there were some levels (maybe a half dozen) where I had found all the star coins. So I decided to find them without using any walkthroughs or anything. A couple of them were really difficult to find. Anyway, guess what happens when you find them all. That’s right. Absolutely fuck all  

 

There;'s a thing on the new Zelda games where you collect these things called Korok seeds. Apparently there are something like 1001 of them spread over a virtual world of 30 square miles or something ridiculous. I might have collected 100 after hundreds of hours of play. NIgh on impossible task to get them all, but obviously people have. Their reward? The literaslly get a pile of virtual Korok shit for their inventory which does nothing.  These crazy Japanese and their sense of humour. 

[Meenzer 15518]

11 minutes ago, Renton said:

 

Also street fighter, Konami super star soccer, etc, we're all payed on a single device so were inherently sociable. NOwadays it's all a virtual world. And then there's safeguarding issues to consider. Think Blur said once Modern Life is Rubbish. It really is now [\grumpy old man]

 

I was thinking the same when I found myself reading this the other day.

 

https://melmagazine.com/en-us/story/an-oral-history-of-goldeneye-007-on-the-n64

 

That game pretty much wrecked my 2nd year at university, but to quote Limmy's Show, well worth it, mate, well worth it.

 

[The Fish 10856]

Definitely want the more social games. Like Mario Kart, or whatever. Don't really feel an urge to play Call of Duty online etc. Don't much fancy getting repeatedly murdered by some Mumbai teenager with a potty mouth.

[Dr Gloom 21915]

6 minutes ago, Renton said:

 

There;'s a thing on the new Zelda games where you collect these things called Korok seeds. Apparently there are something like 1001 of them spread over a virtual world of 30 square miles or something ridiculous. I might have collected 100 after hundreds of hours of play. NIgh on impossible task to get them all, but obviously people have. Their reward? The literaslly get a pile of virtual Korok shit for their inventory which does nothing.  These crazy Japanese and their sense of humour. 

 

what did you think was going to happen?

[Holden McGroin 6582]

1 hour ago, Dr Gloom said:

 

My little boy found primary school really hard work socially - not because he was shy, he's very loud and confident - but because never found his tribe. football is so important at that age, so if your boy enjoys it, he should hopefully be okay. he may always be shy in nature, but he shouldn't have problem making friends. boys at that age tend to gravitate towards the other boys who play football. and the kids who aren't natural athletes, like my little boy, end up on the fringes in the playground. 

 

it wasn't until my lad started secondary school that he fell in with a bunch of like-minded video game/warhammer dorks and he now has a solid little crew of about 4-5 really good mates with shared interests.

 

there were several years during primary school when he used to come home miserable because of the bullying. it was bloody awful to observe. we tried talking to the teachers, but there's a limit to what they can do if your kid just doesn't fit in with the majority and you feel helpless at times as a parent. but so much of it stemmed from him not being any good at football. so fingers crossed, your boy will make friends through his love of footie and will come out of his shell a bit more in time. 

sounds like you’ve gone through the mixer there mate. I’m not sure how I’d handle him being bullied. It’s my worst nightmare.

[Renton 21605]

2 minutes ago, Holden McGroin said:

sounds like you’ve gone through the mixer there mate. I’m not sure how I’d handle him being bullied. It’s my worst nightmare.

 

Finding out your kid is a bully is just as bad as well. Welcome to a lifetime of stress! 

[The Fish 10856]

Just now, Renton said:

 

Finding out your kid is a bully is just as bad as well. Welcome to a lifetime of stress! 

Was it your kid that flicked your ear on the Metro?

[Holden McGroin 6582]

1 hour ago, Renton said:

Good luck HG. He's very young still and plenty of time for things to change but for your own sake if nothing else  it sounds like you need to be proactive. It's not entirely clear to me from what you've said if he wants to socialise but is unable to, or just doesn't really want to. If he wants to (I think that's what your saying), I think this may be a good sign and maybe something will click, maybe very suddenly. Otherwise he may be on the spectrum I guess. Interesting you mention covid, this has had a negative effect on so many kids across the age spectrum (and adults too). 

 

Other random advice, someone earlier talked about a video gaming friendship group, I'd personally be very wary of giving him too much opportunity to withdraw into a virtual world, much better getting him involved in social sports. I'm a first generation gamer but I hate what the latest stuff  does to kids, mine would just do nothing else given the chance. Also I guess you need to wary about projecting adult anxieties here, goodness knows what goes on in a 4 year old head. Talking to the teacher is your best start imo, a good teacher can make a huge difference. 

Good post. I think I wasn’t clear because I’m not sure either. He seems happy within himself/family but then I think deep down he wants friends - brought on by spending so much time at school. And probably seeing friendships form. I think it’s just a mental blocker. Will see how it plays out.

 

Interesting about spectrum as we believe the oldest is (although he is socially very good) is on a the spectrum. He has never got tired or sleeps much. The primary school had him separated and wearing ear defenders etc . But he has taken to secondary school  really well. He is very sporty and this school is good for that. The mrs is well versed in neuro-diverse. 

 

thanks for all advice (from everyone)

Edited October 17, 2023 by Holden McGroin

[Renton 21605]

1 minute ago, The Fish said:

Was it your kid that flicked your ear on the Metro?

 

Shut your fucking cake hole.

 

[The Fish 10856]