Howmanheyman 36978 Posted yesterday at 08:39 Share Posted yesterday at 08:39 4 minutes ago, Monkeys Fist said: I’ve had a double shit sandwich on the way down to jolly old London. Stopped at Cambridge services for my break, checked my “social media” and some fucker has locked my access on “safe search” ! Is today some deadline for the most cuntish of Tory policies meaning we’re not allowed to watch ladies in the nip? Cunts. That was followed by a minor pissaster on the M11- usually have the bladder emptying under control for when I’m parked, but, after the shock of no filthy slappers, my body clearly went in to fight or flight… …or piss. No way I was pulling on to the hard shoulder, as it’d take forever to get back on, so out came the bottle. Trouble is, my tackle only fits in the bottle when in a state of rest, the urgency of the piss situation had brought on a piss-boner, so I’ve had to just place the tip of the ole meatus in the neck of the bottle and try to let loose gently. All this , one-handed, the left hand, whilst bombing down the M11 in rush hour. I’m just about drained, and about to give myself a “well done son!”, when I hit a fucking pothole the size of Burradon. Bottle slips, whanger springs up, momentary jet of piss up my t-shirt before my brain gets the “FUCKING NIP IT!” message through to the nipsy muscles… … FOR FUCKS SAKE! Changed my t-shirt and all ship-shape now, but fucking hell man Someone is going to pay for this, and I hope she’s brunette, busty, Eastern European, and not missed for a while… 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 23250 Posted yesterday at 09:33 Share Posted yesterday at 09:33 So I put my notice into the MD this morning at 07:30. My line 'manager' was phoned up when I cam downstairs and has been up there since Everyone keeps asking where he is. I haven't told anyone I've put my notice in. They're all concerned why he's up there I'm sat laughing inside. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 12622 Posted yesterday at 10:31 Share Posted yesterday at 10:31 1 hour ago, Monkeys Fist said: I’ve had a double shit sandwich on the way down to jolly old London. Stopped at Cambridge services for my break, checked my “social media” and some fucker has locked my access on “safe search” ! Is today some deadline for the most cuntish of Tory policies meaning we’re not allowed to watch ladies in the nip? Cunts. That was followed by a minor pissaster on the M11- usually have the bladder emptying under control for when I’m parked, but, after the shock of no filthy slappers, my body clearly went in to fight or flight… …or piss. No way I was pulling on to the hard shoulder, as it’d take forever to get back on, so out came the bottle. Trouble is, my tackle only fits in the bottle when in a state of rest, the urgency of the piss situation had brought on a piss-boner, so I’ve had to just place the tip of the ole meatus in the neck of the bottle and try to let loose gently. All this , one-handed, the left hand, whilst bombing down the M11 in rush hour. I’m just about drained, and about to give myself a “well done son!”, when I hit a fucking pothole the size of Burradon. Bottle slips, whanger springs up, momentary jet of piss up my t-shirt before my brain gets the “FUCKING NIP IT!” message through to the nipsy muscles… … FOR FUCKS SAKE! Changed my t-shirt and all ship-shape now, but fucking hell man Someone is going to pay for this, and I hope she’s brunette, busty, Eastern European, and not missed for a while… Fuck's sake nearly pissed myself reading that 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 50789 Posted yesterday at 10:59 Share Posted yesterday at 10:59 1 hour ago, wykikitoon said: So I put my notice into the MD this morning at 07:30. My line 'manager' was phoned up when I cam downstairs and has been up there since Everyone keeps asking where he is. I haven't told anyone I've put my notice in. They're all concerned why he's up there I'm sat laughing inside. I've got a nasty feeling they're gonna be looking to exact some Yorkshire Justice, and they're up there plotting it right now. If we don't hear from you for the rest of the day, we'll let the authorities know. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 50789 Posted yesterday at 11:00 Share Posted yesterday at 11:00 Let us k ow the projects you're currently working on, so they know where to dig. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toonpack 11666 Posted yesterday at 11:06 Share Posted yesterday at 11:06 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 45713 Posted yesterday at 11:52 Share Posted yesterday at 11:52 51 minutes ago, Gemmill said: Let us k ow the projects you're currently working on, so they know where to dig. Just wait for some pissed up Septic to drive in to it! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 23867 Posted yesterday at 12:54 Share Posted yesterday at 12:54 4 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: I’ve had a double shit sandwich on the way down to jolly old London. Stopped at Cambridge services for my break, checked my “social media” and some fucker has locked my access on “safe search” ! Is today some deadline for the most cuntish of Tory policies meaning we’re not allowed to watch ladies in the nip? Cunts. That was followed by a minor pissaster on the M11- usually have the bladder emptying under control for when I’m parked, but, after the shock of no filthy slappers, my body clearly went in to fight or flight… …or piss. No way I was pulling on to the hard shoulder, as it’d take forever to get back on, so out came the bottle. Trouble is, my tackle only fits in the bottle when in a state of rest, the urgency of the piss situation had brought on a piss-boner, so I’ve had to just place the tip of the ole meatus in the neck of the bottle and try to let loose gently. All this , one-handed, the left hand, whilst bombing down the M11 in rush hour. I’m just about drained, and about to give myself a “well done son!”, when I hit a fucking pothole the size of Burradon. Bottle slips, whanger springs up, momentary jet of piss up my t-shirt before my brain gets the “FUCKING NIP IT!” message through to the nipsy muscles… … FOR FUCKS SAKE! Changed my t-shirt and all ship-shape now, but fucking hell man Someone is going to pay for this, and I hope she’s brunette, busty, Eastern European, and not missed for a while… 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 50789 Posted yesterday at 12:58 Share Posted yesterday at 12:58 MF pissing all over himself btw. What really happened here is he stood up to wipe his bum like the classic mong that he is, and accidentally produced an extra spurt of piss. And then made up a story about pissing while he was driving and how his knob's too big to fit in a bottle. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 45713 Posted yesterday at 14:25 Share Posted yesterday at 14:25 Even with my adrenaline junkie past, I wouldn’t be wiping my hoop at 58mph mate. The tale recounted is an accurate portrayal of the events that occurred during “pop out and spray”. I can’t help being blessed in the bellend dept either 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toonpack 11666 Posted yesterday at 14:43 Share Posted yesterday at 14:43 Been a good few hours since he’s posted. RIP Wyki 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 50789 Posted yesterday at 14:48 Share Posted yesterday at 14:48 Ecky thump to the back of the head, and thrown in to the cement mixer. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazzler 12103 Posted yesterday at 14:49 Share Posted yesterday at 14:49 22 minutes ago, Monkeys Fist said: Even with my adrenaline junkie past, I wouldn’t be wiping my hoop at 58mph mate. The tale recounted is an accurate portrayal of the events that occurred during “pop out and spray”. I can’t help being blessed in the bellend dept either 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex 37137 Posted yesterday at 16:02 Share Posted yesterday at 16:02 5 hours ago, Gemmill said: I've got a nasty feeling they're gonna be looking to exact some Yorkshire Justice, and they're up there plotting it right now. If we don't hear from you for the rest of the day, we'll let the authorities know. What they going to do? Make him buy the first round at his leaving do? 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 24084 Posted yesterday at 16:11 Share Posted yesterday at 16:11 9 minutes ago, Alex said: What they going to do? Make him buy the first round at his leaving do? That is a horrific prospect for a Yorkshire man tbf. 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex 37137 Posted yesterday at 16:27 Share Posted yesterday at 16:27 That’s t’ joke 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 50789 Posted yesterday at 16:29 Share Posted yesterday at 16:29 They're gonna mek him offer he daren't refuse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 23250 Posted yesterday at 16:30 Share Posted yesterday at 16:30 Last time we went out I went to the bar as we walked in. I was with two of the younger lads so I asked what they wanted. They both look confused and asked what I'm having. I said I'll be having a Guinness. They said 'oh we don't like that' fuck me it was tragic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 24084 Posted yesterday at 16:31 Share Posted yesterday at 16:31 4 minutes ago, Alex said: That’s t’ joke Racist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toonpack 11666 Posted yesterday at 16:33 Share Posted yesterday at 16:33 2 minutes ago, wykikitoon said: Last time we went out I went to the bar as we walked in. I was with two of the younger lads so I asked what they wanted. They both look confused and asked what I'm having. I said I'll be having a Guinness. They said 'oh we don't like that' fuck me it was tragic 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 36978 Posted yesterday at 16:38 Share Posted yesterday at 16:38 "....and then 'ee said 'project', ah said I'll be finished before project, lad!" 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 23250 Posted 13 hours ago Share Posted 13 hours ago My line manager comes in this morning, says good morning to me, drops his bag and goes to make a coffee. I was assuming he was going to bring up me putting my notice in when he came back in the room. Nah, went to his desk, put his ear phones on and that's it. So further makes me happy I am making the right decision. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 24084 Posted 13 hours ago Share Posted 13 hours ago 6 minutes ago, wykikitoon said: My line manager comes in this morning, says good morning to me, drops his bag and goes to make a coffee. I was assuming he was going to bring up me putting my notice in when he came back in the room. Nah, went to his desk, put his ear phones on and that's it. So further makes me happy I am making the right decision. What's your notice? I've got a week left of mine, I'm now in that sweet spot where I've wrapped up all my projects and can put my feet up, will go for an 8 mile seaside walk today, and then maybe actually get round to fixing my LinkedIn to make me more desirable for future employment. No leaving do planned, which is normal at our place given the huge turnaround/attrition rate, though will meet up with some at a later date by hitching on to a company event they'll be paying for. My first day in the new job have a 9.15 morning start on the Monday, just figuring out whether to stay in Manchester on Sunday in a cheap hotel or get up at the crack of dawn and feel tired all day, probably will do the former. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 23250 Posted 13 hours ago Share Posted 13 hours ago 3 fucking months. My MD did say he would try and not hold me to that, but we are stacked and struggling to recruit as it is. I wont be having a leaving do. Fuck that shit. Dipper isn't speaking to me which is a blessing after I told him I cannot work on one of his projects that's 2 months late as I am stacked. He refuses to communicate with upper management about most stuff as he's late on every fucking job he's on. He's a manipulative piece of shit tbh and I am not playing his games. 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 50789 Posted 12 hours ago Share Posted 12 hours ago Scorched earth policy. I like it. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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