Monkeys Fist 42947 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42947 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 No it's not. Buttering your cheeks is somewhat different to filling up your keks, or worse. Spoken like only a sitter could. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 21944 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Think it's been 5 years now, and I'm still struggling to get my head around the fact that about half the male population of this board are filthy animals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42947 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Did the ladies ever express their preference ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 21944 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 I'm making the assumption they aren't shit smeared beasts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChezGiven 0 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Did the ladies ever express their preference ? Front to back Shirley. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42947 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Standers then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 21944 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Standers then. Don't be stupid. We need feedback to clarify matters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChezGiven 0 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 We need photos. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42947 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 How much you willing to pay? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catmag 337 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 You don't stand up to wipe your arse man, you absolute freaks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42947 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 One down Three(?) to go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 45841 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 (edited) The standers thinking they're normal man. Just cos mammy didn't tell you to stop standing so she could check you've been doesn't mean you had to keep doing it. Edited January 10, 2013 by Gemmill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 22117 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Going over old ground but the standers are clearly a step behind human evolution Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42947 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 The path of the righteous stander is beset on all sides by the inequities of the sitters and the tyranny of evil wipers. Blessed is he who, in the name of correct arse wiping stance, shepherds the sitters away from their valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catmag 337 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 But as soon as you stand up your cheeks close and you can't wipe effectively. Now I understand why we have to incise so many bum abscesses at work: clearly standers who leave a little bit behind. Dirty boys! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoveTheBobby 1 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Brian Clough said that if God wanted football played in the air he would've put the grass up there . By the same token he would've made kermits holes in a wall if you weren't meant to have a bit sit . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoveTheBobby 1 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 I had an abcess in my lower back (crevvy) once . Pilonidal cyst I think the tag is ? Went up like half a golf ball and was absolute agony till the thing burst . Was off work for a couple of weeks lying on me side on the settee ! Dear Dr Zeus . Torrid times . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42947 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Have shit ( feet planted at Ten to Two ). Finish shit , feet stay as above. Take bog roll, ( quilted,triple ply, school sandpaper, whatever floats your boat).* Stand, whilst simultaneously leaning forward- arse cheeks remain strangers, no winkage of brown eye, crevasse suitably splayed in preparation of wiping activity. (Do not forget to briefly inspect the bowl. This is not negotiable) Reach around/through and wipe arse/thighs/both depending on violence of expulsion. Grab strides, stand upright, sort yourself, wash hands, leave, safe in the knowledge your balloon knot would get a Five Star hygiene ratting. *for CT, substitute this with a rag on a stick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheMoog 0 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 On a side note it was nice to get a mention in 'that' other thread, people always remember the 'Armchair Pundit/Penis' bit but a rather more important thing is that I do indeed sit - standing is too much effort for such ineffective coverage Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catmag 337 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Have shit ( feet planted at Ten to Two ). Finish shit , feet stay as above. Take bog roll, ( quilted,triple ply, school sandpaper, whatever floats your boat).* Stand, whilst simultaneously leaning forward- arse cheeks remain strangers, no winkage of brown eye, crevasse suitably splayed in preparation of wiping activity. (Do not forget to briefly inspect the bowl. This is not negotiable) Reach around/through and wipe arse/thighs/both depending on violence of expulsion. Grab strides, stand upright, sort yourself, wash hands, leave, safe in the knowledge your balloon knot would get a Five Star hygiene ratting. *for CT, substitute this with a rag on a stick. My 3 year-old wipes his bum like that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoveTheBobby 1 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 @MF you're the kind of tramp who's got stray little rolled-up bits of bogroll about the foot of your bog . Little bits that look like the bodies of daddy long legs' that have been jettisoned from your primative technique . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42947 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 My 3 year-old wipes his bum like that Good lad, he's all set for a skiddy free life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42947 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 @MF you're the kind of tramp who's got stray little rolled-up bits of bogroll about the foot of your bog . Little bits that look like the bodies of daddy long legs' that have been jettisoned from your primative technique . Au contraire mon brave- it's all about the pressure applied. ( and you seem to know , with curious detail,an awful lot about these shitty roll ups. As that darts player would say " Are You, Experienced?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoveTheBobby 1 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 got thrown out by the Electric Landlady(land) for it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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