Matt 0 Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 Hark at Mr Hand-Eye Co-ordination there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ted Maul 0 Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 I've laughed more at this than 'Bizarre'. 'Foreskin pointing the wrong way' When you're as tall as me the target is a lot smaller. Wacky can just rest his over the ledge, with the aid of a stool. 114308[/snapback] I've heard he has to have one of them baby seats to stop him falling in when taking a shit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catmag 337 Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 I've laughed more at this than 'Bizarre'. 'Foreskin pointing the wrong way' When you're as tall as me the target is a lot smaller. Wacky can just rest his over the ledge, with the aid of a stool. 114308[/snapback] I've heard he has to have one of them baby seats to stop him falling in when taking a shit. 114315[/snapback] Oh, the mental image. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adios 717 Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 Please tell me you only do your sitting when you need a shit. I don't have a problem with this. I don't piss on the floor and I don't piss on the seat. If for some reason I do piss on the seat (never the floor ), I wipe the fucker off with bog roll and flush it down the bog, so no one's any the wiser. 114311[/snapback] Nope half the time when I'm just taking a leak, especially if it's the middle of the night, it also helps if there's something along those lines that hadn't been anticipated. Agree about wiping if you happen to hit the seat, there'd be an interesting correlation between what people say in here and what they say in the showering thread, I reckon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 44784 Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 Hark at Mr Hand-Eye Co-ordination there. 114314[/snapback] Seriously though, how hard can it be? I can't believe you had a rancid floor board in your house. Were you brought up in a Roddy Doyle novel? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Face 29 Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 Note to the ladies: The penis isn't rifle-bored. Sometimes you can be pointing it in the right direction but when you release the flow you're way of target. Splashage can occur in the fraction of a second it takes to regain control. 114302[/snapback] No, but you can make adjustments, I never have a problem with it, although I do sit half the time anyway... I do however have a problem with "splash-back" from urinals, so I won't use them. 114307[/snapback] Please tell me you only do your sitting when you need a shit. I don't have a problem with this. I don't piss on the floor and I don't piss on the seat. If for some reason I do piss on the seat (never the floor ), I wipe the fucker off with bog roll and flush it down the bog, so no one's any the wiser. 114311[/snapback] You can't tell me you've never been totally shit-faced and completeley missed with the first squirt. When I'm pissed I take a little nap and hope for the best targetwise. I would never consciously piss on the seat and leave it though. That's just vile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adios 717 Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 Hark at Mr Hand-Eye Co-ordination there. 114314[/snapback] Seriously though, how hard can it be? I can't believe you had a rancid floor board in your house. Were you brought up in a Roddy Doyle novel? ;) 114318[/snapback] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 44784 Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 Please tell me you only do your sitting when you need a shit. I don't have a problem with this. I don't piss on the floor and I don't piss on the seat. If for some reason I do piss on the seat (never the floor ), I wipe the fucker off with bog roll and flush it down the bog, so no one's any the wiser. 114311[/snapback] Nope half the time when I'm just taking a leak, especially if it's the middle of the night, it also helps if there's something along those lines that hadn't been anticipated. Agree about wiping if you happen to hit the seat, there'd be an interesting correlation between what people say in here and what they say in the showering thread, I reckon. 114317[/snapback] I dunno like. That sounds a bit effeminate to me. And if you don't sit down, do you just find yourself dropping logs on the floor behind you or something - how are you not anticipating shit? I agree about the showering thing though. Cleanliness is next to godliness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peasepud 59 Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 Never, EVER have carpet in a bathroom Oh, and Linz - pud is obviously worth hanging on to as he's the only one who has replied with a vaguely acceptable response. The other mingers are just full of excuses! 114305[/snapback] I am indeed a lucky lady For the guys who cant hit the spot like Pud does I think they should take the Bounty kitchen roll to the bog. 114313[/snapback] admittedly after a few of those Cheeky Vimtos you make then the fact you have a cat litter tray beside the bog is handy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt 0 Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 Seriously though, how hard can it be? I can't believe you had a rancid floor board in your house. Were you brought up in a Roddy Doyle novel? 114318[/snapback] Honest, it was one of these shite chipboard panel efforts and you could see where the inondation had reached levels beyond the saving of some quick andrex-aided rescue mission. Floor was sorted with a lick of paint like. I can't believe you never ever miss. I'm not talking about idly standing while unleashing the amazon onto floor for a full minute, but even the odd splash while half asleep on a monday morning is surely not unreasonable? Maybe it's all the chocolate you eat, you greedy bastard Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 44784 Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 I can't believe how incredulous you all are at someone who says that they DON'T piss on the floor! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tooj 17 Posted April 3, 2006 Author Share Posted April 3, 2006 Par example, the otherday while having a piss in me dressing gown, mid piss the gown came crashing down whacking off the old trouser snake causing a bit of a splash, however i managed to rectify the situation but it does happen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scottish Mag 3 Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 I dunno like. That sounds a bit effeminate to me. And if you don't sit down, do you just find yourself dropping logs on the floor behind you or something - how are you not anticipating shit? 114322[/snapback] *The banter on here has been quality today! Not helping my dissertation any though.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Papa Lazaru 0 Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 Note to the ladies: The penis isn't rifle-bored. Sometimes you can be pointing it in the right direction but when you release the flow you're way of target. Splashage can occur in the fraction of a second it takes to regain control. 114302[/snapback] No, but you can make adjustments, I never have a problem with it, although I do sit half the time anyway... I do however have a problem with "splash-back" from urinals, so I won't use them. 114307[/snapback] Please tell me you only do your sitting when you need a shit. I don't have a problem with this. I don't piss on the floor and I don't piss on the seat. If for some reason I do piss on the seat (never the floor ), I wipe the fucker off with bog roll and flush it down the bog, so no one's any the wiser. 114311[/snapback] Wasn't there something in Curb Your enthusiasm about sitting down to have a piss, around the same time he got his nob/balls bitten by a dog!!! Can't say i piss on the seat as i always put it up before having a piss, but if i did then i'd get soem bogroll and clean it up. But as others have said occasionally it just doesn't seem to go where you think its going and its impossible to react in time! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt 0 Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 Par example, the otherday while having a piss in me dressing gown, mid piss the gown came crashing down whacking off the old trouser snake causing a bit of a splash, however i managed to rectify the situation but it does happen 114327[/snapback] Not to Gem. He's the best pisser there is. Nothing can stop him finding his target. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Kenneth Noisewater 0 Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 admittedly after a few of those Cheeky Vimtos you make then the fact you have a cat litter tray beside the bog is handy 114323[/snapback] Par example, the otherday while having a piss in me dressing gown, mid piss the gown came crashing down whacking off the old trouser snake causing a bit of a splash, however i managed to rectify the situation but it does happen 114327[/snapback] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Papa Lazaru 0 Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 Par example, the otherday while having a piss in me dressing gown, mid piss the gown came crashing down whacking off the old trouser snake causing a bit of a splash, however i managed to rectify the situation but it does happen 114327[/snapback] Not to Gem. He's the best pisser there is. Nothing can stop him finding his target. 114330[/snapback] In fact he became so perfect at it, that it retracted and he's turned into a woman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt 0 Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 I have to say I can't imagine not cleaning up something on the bog. That's just rank. The worst miss you can have is if some should fall under Bog Seat Bridge, requiring absorbent material to reside therein for more than just a moment, so that all of the wayward projective be gathered for disposal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catmag 337 Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 (edited) Come on then lads - let's have your stories of pissing where you shouldn't have done. Mate of mine woke up in the night after being out on the piss, stumbled to the bathroom (or so he thought) only to have his mam turn the light on which woke him up properly and he realised he was watering the pot plant on the landing Edited April 3, 2006 by catmag Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt 0 Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 Only time I've pissed in a non-toilet area would be when out walking, when there's little other option. That and the sink in my room in my first year at Uni. Middle of the night, still half-pissed and bursting? It was a godsend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Kenneth Noisewater 0 Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 Par example, the otherday while having a piss in me dressing gown, mid piss the gown came crashing down whacking off the old trouser snake causing a bit of a splash, however i managed to rectify the situation but it does happen 114327[/snapback] Not to Gem. He's the best pisser there is. Nothing can stop him finding his target. 114330[/snapback] He's the urinating equivalent of those laser-guided bombs that can be guided through a window or down an air vent from 5 miles away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adios 717 Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 I dunno like. That sounds a bit effeminate to me. And if you don't sit down, do you just find yourself dropping logs on the floor behind you or something - how are you not anticipating shit? 114322[/snapback] Aye, the girlfriend's very pleased with the lack of splashes on the seat, but a little disconcerted by having wade through shit to get to it. It just saves me sitting down if I do need to, although I appreciate that my effeminate behavior could be something of a dissappointment to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 44784 Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 Dressing gowns and belts can both cause problems, but I think I realised this before the age of, hmmmm, say 10, so I've taught myself not to piss on them as well, or divert the flow by hitting them. Seriously, some of you lot are fucking retarded. Besides, you don't get rancid floorboards from the odd dressing gown incident. That sounds to me like persistent offending on a monumental scale. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peasepud 59 Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 emmmm has anyone else somehow (while sitting for a crap) managed to get the little fella pointing straight ahead and piss straight through the gap between the seat and porcelain? It goes like a fountain straight ahead (allegedly, according to me mate ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tooj 17 Posted April 3, 2006 Author Share Posted April 3, 2006 Come on then lads - let's have your stories of pissing where you shouldn't have done. Mate of mine woke up in the night after being out on the piss, stumbled to the bathroom (or so he thought) only to have his mam turn the light on which woke him up properly and he realised he was watering the pot plant on the landing 114336[/snapback] Well there's the old half a pint of piss and lager which me mate fell for And i won a 10er once seeing if i could piss high enough while drunk while peering from this wall into this postbox... foul i know Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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