wykikitoon 19991 Posted September 22, 2011 Share Posted September 22, 2011 One day little Molly notices that some builders are working on the house next door. Curious, she goes over to investigate. The builders, with hearts of gold, decide to adopt Molly as site mascot. They teach her all about building and they even give her a little pink hard hat and some pink boots. After a few days her mother asks, "So Molly, will you be working with the builders again today?" "I don't know Mummy" comes the reply ..."It depends if those cunts at Jewson deliver the fucking bricks". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Bells tits 1 Posted September 22, 2011 Share Posted September 22, 2011 (edited) Ooh a bad taste joke thread.... Edited September 22, 2011 by Saltwater Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 19991 Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 Resist the Dale Farm racialist eviction. Come to the Peace Party today. I was at Dale Fam earlier in the week to witness the local councils attempt at ethnic cleansing, hand in hand with the Sussex Police. There tactics were similar to what my BFF witnessed on the West Bank in the late '90's when the US backed Zionists evicted hundreds of Palestinian Arabs (yes, Arabs) who were peacefully firing missiles into Israel. This illegal eviction is only being carried out because of the culture of the law-abiding Romany's is at odds with local property owning capitalists who defecate in there own streets and set fire to there cars and blame it on the gypsies. While I was their earlier in the week I was impressed by the dignity of the oppressed race. They stood so proud it reminded me of my gappy in a Nairobi orphanage when I went over my Facebook upload limit by posting so many photos of me and my mates in sarongs holding little snot nosed black baby's. Only, this time we weren't wearing sarongs and the kids wern't black. But you still had to sanitise you're hands after touching them. In the evening, round the burning tyres, we gave the proud Romany drumming and circus skills lessons and in return they told tales of replacing helpless pensioner's roof tiles for free. Some spoke in a dialect so uninteligible that we thought it was a foreign language but later learnt that it was in fact English. So come one, come all, to the Dale Farm Peace Camp. Defend them against this violent and illeagle ethnic cleansing eviction. NO MORE SHREBRENITZA'S!! A warning, tho. Don't bring any valuables. Earlier in the week I had my BlackBerry, watch and most of my clothes stolen by right wing moles around the camp. And pop into Waitrose on the way. Or its oven chips and Stella with a Red Bull top. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JawD 99 Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 19991 Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 Ive just been to my nan's bless her. She has knitted me a union jack jumper with the words "All Pakis are Cunts" accross the front. I said I couldnt wear it, she asked why, I said, because its an XL and I am a medium Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig 6682 Posted September 23, 2011 Author Share Posted September 23, 2011 I was in bed with my Jewish girlfriend the other night and couldn't stop farting. Eventually she'd had enough, kicked me out of bed and told me to go sleep on the couch. I replied "oh come on, a bit of gas never hurt anyone!" Apparently I'm an insensitive c*nt now as well... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 10805 Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 What's the difference between Scousers and Cancer? Cancer gets Jobs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42183 Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I was overjoyed to hear that the father of Apple had died. Gutted when I found out that cunt fron Coldplay is still alive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrBass 2649 Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 My son asked me today what's the difference between a crow and a blackbird. I told him crows have somewhat heavier beaks and fan shaped tails. A blackbird has big rubbery lips, fuzzy hair and a massive arse. Teacher to class: "Children, we are all descendants of Adam and Eve." Pupil: "But Miss, my Mummy and Daddy said we come from the apes." Teacher: "Stay out of this one Leroy, I'm not talking about your lot." Sky news report. The Irish have joined in the attack on Libya. They sent in 3 ships - 2 full of sand, and one full of cement... it was a mortar attack. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42183 Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 What did Josef Fritzl like to do at Halloween? Pumpkin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42183 Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 So there I was, at 2am Sunday gone, furiously rubbing boot polish into my dick, when the mrs. reminded me I'm dyslexic. " You're meant to turn the clock back, idiot". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest CabayeAye Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 Chelsea are training. Terry dribbles circles around Malouda, Drogba, Ramieres, Cole and Anelka. Suddenly, Villas Boas shouts: "CONES, John, I said dribbles around the CONES!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 19991 Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 John Terry has wrote a letter to Anton Ferdinand regarding the recent racism row, Good Golly Anoton, lets just call a spade a spade and stop this monkey business. I didnt mean to offend you, but all this publicity has got me a bit shocked. So lets stop with the big bottom lip and move forward. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 32877 Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 Teacher asks his class where the 'kiss me Hardy' quote comes from? Leroy; "Lord Nelson, Battle of Trafalgar, 1805!" Johnny; "You think you're clever dont you, you little black cunt?" Teacher; "Who said that?!!" Leroy; "John Terry, Loftus Road, 2011!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meenzer 15464 Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42183 Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 http://www.nufc.co.uk/articles/20111110/club-announce-stadium-name-plans_2281670_2511479 Worst taste joke imaginable Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Manson 0 Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42183 Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 BBC: 16 year old Kyle Rees killed at school in Portsmouth. That's John Connor fucked then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 30393 Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 The wife came home with a pack of nappies and a bag of baby clothes."Is there something you want to tell me?" I asked."Yeah," she said, "Gary Barlow's having a car boot sale." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JawD 99 Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 Moving swiftly on: not a joke more a turn of phrase someone recently said. And I quote "her cunt was as wet as a spakkas chin". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42183 Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 Moving swiftly on: not a joke more a turn of phrase someone recently said. And I quote "her cunt was as wet as a spakkas chin". What was the rest of the conversation? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JawD 99 Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 Honestly can't recall. I think the phrase stunned even my open mindedness Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 32877 Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 Moving swiftly on: not a joke more a turn of phrase someone recently said. And I quote "her cunt was as wet as a spakkas chin". What was the rest of the conversation? It's an excerpt from my debut erotic novel, 'Fifty shades of Broon'. I haven't finished it yet and would like a fair and balanced review from you lads if that's ok? Geordie is a successful businessman and gets interviewed by a lass from the Chronicle. Things get steamy as the intrigued reporter falls for Geordie's patter and good looks. ' I gently ran my hand down her jeans till my fingertips delved into her knickers. Her fanny was wetter than a spakkas chin and needless to say, I was like a babies arm holding an apple......' What do you's think so far? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JonGoodwyn 1 Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 http://www.fiftyshadesgenerator.com/ ? Hours of fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 32877 Posted August 8, 2012 Share Posted August 8, 2012 Meanwhile.... The catholic church has announced that condoms may now be used in certain exceptional circumstances......... for example if an altar boy has diarrhoea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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