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The Bad Taste Joke Thread....


Craig
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Boy: "Do you want to play the fire engine game?"

Girl: "How do you play that?"

Boy: "My fingers are the fire engine and I drive up your legs. You say 'red light!' when you want me to stop."

Girl: "Okay, lets play."

After a few seconds...

Girl: "Red Light!"

Boy: "Fire engines don't stop for red lights."

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With hindsight I should have posted my facebook status as: "I have blown the head gasket on my 1997 Ford" rather than "I've just fucked a 13 year old Escort".

 

Still, I don't get out much and a few hours at the police station made a change...

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  • 4 weeks later...

Two tramps are standing around bragging about their day. The first tramp says

"Today I found £20, and was able to buy a nice hot meal. It was my luckiest day ever!".

The second tramp replies:

"Oh yeah?my day was way better!

I was at the railway yard, and found a woman tied to the train tracks. After I untied her, we fucked all day"

"Did you get a blow job?"

"Nah, I couldnt find her head"

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So, I was babysitting last week for my sister-in-law's newborn.

As she left she said if the bairn woke up that the best way was to rock it back to sleep.

 

And she was right…

 

After only 3 stones off it's head I didn't hear another sound all night.

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My Granda told me that the flu virus was going to pick up in the new year. "Tell me something I don't know, Granda!", I replied. Wasn't expecting, "I can get my fist up your granny's arse." ;)

:D

I thought you'd like that one, Fist, you sick bastard, you! :icon_lol:

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Was shagging a bird the other night, and she said "don't put it up my arse!" I had to explain it's traditional for the person with the knife to make those decisions!

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Chance this will have been done already but I'm fucked if I'm going back through this thread now!

 

Englishman, Yank and a Paki sat on the edge of the Empire State Building drinking vodka.

 

The Yank says to the Paki 'Do you know that you can jump off here and the wind will loop you round and sit you back here?'

 

The Paki says 'No chance. Prove it to me.' So the Yank jumps off, flies around in a loop and gently sits back next to the Paki.

 

The Paki looks amazed and suddenly jumps off the edge, falling head first onto the tarmac below. Killed instantly.

 

The Englishman turns to the Yank and says 'Fucking hell Superman, you're a right nasty cunt when you've had a drink!'

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