Jump to content

The Bad Taste Joke Thread....


Craig
 Share

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 1.5k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Not bad taste but:

he's planning to leave me - maybe he's

found someone else.

 

 

MAN'S DIARY

 

Saturday 17 October 2009

 

Newcastle got beat.

 

Gutted.

 

Got a shag though.

 

love it!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Beer contains female hormones! Yes, that's right, FEMALE hormones!

 

Last month, Sydney University and scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women .

 

To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 pints of beer within a one hour period.

 

It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects, yes, 100% of all these men:-

 

1) Argued over nothing.

 

2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.

 

3) Gained weight.

 

4) Talked excessively without making sense.

 

5) Became overly emotional

 

6) Couldn't drive.

 

7) Failed to think rationally, and

 

8) Had to sit down while urinating.

 

No further testing was considered necessary!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just been to my first Muslim birthday party. The musical chairs was a bit slow but fuck me the pass the parcel was quick!!!

 

 

Jesus wept Magma, did the old boiler you're banging at M & S tell you that?

 

No got it Sickipedia.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just been to my first Muslim birthday party. The musical chairs was a bit slow but fuck me the pass the parcel was quick!!!

 

 

Jesus wept Magma, did the old boiler you're banging at M & S tell you that?

 

No got it Sickipedia.

Just had a look there. Found this.

 

I applied for a job at Childline the other day.

 

Apparently, "I like listening to children's rape stories" is not an acceptable reason for employment.   

 

Yes, I laughed.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A Welsh man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool.

 

 

After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help.

 

 

 

The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.

 

 

The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant.

 

 

The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in grass when

they are pregnant.

 

 

 

The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself.

 

 

So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.

 

 

 

Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the Land Rover again.

 

 

He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed exhausted.

 

 

 

Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round.

 

 

 

Try again. he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.

 

 

 

The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look out of the window.

 

 

He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"No", she says, "they're all in the Land Rover.......

 

 

 

 

 

......and one of them is beeping the horn!"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A man goes to the hospital to visit his wife and see his new born baby for the first time. After spending a few minutes with his wife the nurse leads him to a room where his baby is in a cot.

 

The nurse lifts the baby from the cot and - as she does so - the infant slips from her hands, smacking its head hard on the floor. The nurse picks the child up by its leg, swings it round and round her head furiously before letting go. Its sails across the room, smashes its head into a brick wall before collapsing in a heap on the floor.

 

'Stop' cries the man, horrified. 'You're killing my baby!'

 

'Haha, April Fools' replies the nurse. 'It was still born.'

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A man goes to the hospital to visit his wife and see his new born baby for the first time. After spending a few minutes with his wife the nurse leads him to a room where his baby is in a cot.

 

The nurse lifts the baby from the cot and - as she does so - the infant slips from her hands, smacking its head hard on the floor. The nurse picks the child up by its leg, swings it round and round her head furiously before letting go. Its sails across the room, smashes its head into a brick wall before collapsing in a heap on the floor.

 

'Stop' cries the man, horrified. 'You're killing my baby!'

 

'Haha, April Fools' replies the nurse. 'It was still born.'

 

:D

 

 

:rolleyes:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A black man, a Muslim and Jew walk into a bar.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Subsequently they are served drinks, they pay for them, drink them and leave.

 

Nice lads.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A black man, a Muslim and Jew walk into a bar.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Subsequently they are served drinks, they pay for them, drink them and leave.

 

Nice lads.

That's a bit like the one where a Mackem, a Jew and an Irishman walk into a bar.

 

 

 

 

The bar-tender says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.