AgentAxeman 166 Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 (edited) My friend found out last night that he is both gay and dyslexic...... He's still in Daniel :D :icon_lol: Edited May 4, 2011 by AgentAxeman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 41395 Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 Ticket prices released for 2012 Paralympics; Free to spectators. Participants must pay. It'll cost them an arm and a leg. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dolly Potter MD 0 Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 (edited) I was having a smoke outside the Emergency Ward the other day when a smart arse in a wheelchair trundled up to me & asked 'why the fuck are you smoking!' I replied......... 'Why the fuck are you wearing runners!' Edited May 12, 2011 by Year Zero Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dolly Potter MD 0 Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 A really shite Osama joke. What do cocks & Osama Bin Laden have in common? The both have a single hole in their head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaddockLad 16602 Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 Apparently Osama's last words were "I wonder if Neil Lennon got that parcel I sent him?......" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Kenneth Noisewater 0 Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Just got back from the World Erection Championships. Got as far as the semi's. The competition was stiff though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 10488 Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Just got back from the World Erection Championships. Got as far as the semi's. The competition was stiff though. Stolen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WordPlay 0 Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Just got back from the World Erection Championships. Got as far as the semi's. The competition was stiff though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AgentAxeman 166 Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 Royal Mail have released a new range of stamps, in a bid to tackle racism. I'm assuming the black ones are second class................ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AgentAxeman 166 Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 They say your penis is related to your shoe size. Well that makes the fear of getting raped by a clown much scarier............ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ricola (Black and White) 0 Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 (edited) Think my translation is horrible, straight out of me head , but still like the joke haha The 500 pound joke Two Couples are playing cards. A Card of Max falls on the ground, he stoops to take the card. While he's on the ground he sees the beautiful vagina of the other wife (Bettie). -not bad- he thinks. A few moments later he meets Bettie in the Kitchen, bettie asks him "well, did you like what you saw?", "oh yeah" Max replies, "for 500 £ she's yours for one and a half hour". After a few seconds Max replies "all right, lets do it". "Meet me on Friday at five o o'clock, me husbend will work longer on Friday" Bettie said. On Friday Max fucks Bettie for one and a half hour, lot of fun! Later on Friday Betties husband Teobold comes home from work. "Was Max here this afternoon?" Teobold asks. "yes" Bettie replies while thinking -damn, im screwed, he knows it, HE KNOWS ALL OF IT- Teobold : "Well, this morning Max was in my office to borrow 500 pounds from me. he said he would return it this afternoon to my wife. Glad to see it worked out!" Edited May 23, 2011 by Ricola (Black and White) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin 1 Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 How many jews does it take to change a light bulb? Two, one to change it and the other to hold the ladder so the first man won't fall and hurt himself. ------ A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "why the long face?". The horse replies "My wife is dying of terminal cancer." ------- What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Domestic violence is a crime. She should leave her abusive partner and seek help. -------------- How do you wake up Lady Gaga? You set an alarm for a reasonable hour. ----------- Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? No. Well, it's really nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billy Castell 0 Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 I went to a Somalian fast food place yesterday. All I got was a handful of rice, though I was asked "do you want flies with that?" What kind of wood doesn't float? Natalie Wood. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WubbleUC 0 Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 Feel guilty for posting this but.. Amy Winehouse approaches the gates of Heaven and is at the back of a massive queue of people. St. Peter sees her and beckons her to the front. 'Am I getting special treatment because of my fame?' she asks. St. Peter replies, 'No, we're still waiting for a Norwegian translator for this lot..' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin 1 Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meenzer 15179 Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 Feel guilty for posting this but.. Amy Winehouse approaches the gates of Heaven and is at the back of a massive queue of people. St. Peter sees her and beckons her to the front. 'Am I getting special treatment because of my fame?' she asks. St. Peter replies, 'No, we're still waiting for a Norwegian translator for this lot..' That's proper shocking, that. You mean interpreter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 41395 Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 Got my picture taken with R.E.M. the other day... That's me in the corner... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lazarus 0 Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 41395 Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 "What do we want?" "A cure for Tourettes" "When do we want it?" "Cunts!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trophyshy 7065 Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BXC 0 Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 A girl came up to me in a bar - short skirt, tits like ripe fruit, hair in a pony tail. "What would you say if I told you I was wearing no underwear?" she breathed. "I'd say 'neither am I'." She raised her eyebrows. "Really? I'm wearing none because it gives men like you..." she licked her lips, "easy access..." "Oh?" I replied. "I've got none on because I shat myself in the gents." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 41395 Posted July 29, 2011 Share Posted July 29, 2011 BBC News; Light Aircraft crashes into 2 houses in Salford, Manchester. It's estimated to have caused thousands of pounds worth of improvements. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 10488 Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 BBC News; Light Aircraft crashes into 2 houses in Salford, Manchester. It's estimated to have caused thousands of pounds worth of improvements. I'm disappointed in you. That's the Leazes of jokes; both old and slow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 41395 Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 Lefty dooder! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toonraider 0 Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 After seeing the advert on TV last night featuring an African baby all covered in flies. I phoned the number on screen right away to order one. It looks like they work better than those sticky strips that you usually hang from the ceiling! Disclaimer: I do not approve of that 'joke' (my son made me post it in here) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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