Brock Manson 0 Posted November 30, 2005 Share Posted November 30, 2005 My mum's spaghetti is a bad taste joke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smooth Operator 10 Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 What have Gary Glitter and Swan Vesta's got in common? They both come in little yellow boxes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Face 29 Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 What have Gary Glitter and Whisky got in common? They both come in little tots. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Kenneth Noisewater 0 Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 What have Gary Glitter and Swan Vesta's got in common? They both come in little yellow boxes. 63572[/snapback] One bit of good news for Glitter today, he gets to choose the man to fire the gun at his execution. Peter Crouch is standing by. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smooth Operator 10 Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 What have Gary Glitter and George Best got in common? They've both ended up having one "tot" too many! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adios 717 Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 (Try reading it with a jokey Irish accent) 57975[/snapback] The whole ting or just the quotes? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snakehips 0 Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 This is not a joke but something I actually heard on TalkSport this morning. Talking to some Ulsterman re George Best's funeral and how it was a mammoth task to organise in such a short space of time, the Ulsterman said: '....normally things like this take 3 or 4 months to arrange, but we've done it in a week. We've managed to bring a few bodies together.' Here's me thinking it was just Best's funeral!! An unfortunate use of words there, me thinks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ravtash patel 0 Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 WHATS GARY GLITTER & SWAN VESTA'S GOT IN COMMON? . . . . . . .THEY BOTH COME IN LITTLE YELLOW BOXES..!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lou 0 Posted December 4, 2005 Share Posted December 4, 2005 One of my favouritest jokes ever..... What's the difference between 100 dead babies and a ferrari?? I don't have a ferrari in my garage!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smooth Operator 10 Posted December 5, 2005 Share Posted December 5, 2005 WHATS GARY GLITTER & SWAN VESTA'S GOT IN COMMON?. . . . . . .THEY BOTH COME IN LITTLE YELLOW BOXES..!! 63871[/snapback] How Ravtash check out page 9 towards the bottom of the page you'll find an astonishingly similar joke! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 10963 Posted December 5, 2005 Share Posted December 5, 2005 One of my favouritest jokes ever..... What's the difference between 100 dead babies and a ferrari?? I don't have a ferrari in my garage!!! 64396[/snapback] ....now where's that timeline thingy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lou 0 Posted December 5, 2005 Share Posted December 5, 2005 Shoosh you. It's so damn funny it withstands the test of time! In that I first heard it 2 years ago, and it still makes me giggle. Teeheehee, I text it to a friend on a train once, knowing full well they were alone on public transport at the time.... apparently he couldnt' stop laughing for about 5 mins and the lady next to him was looking at him REALLY oddly... and he couldn't explain because he didn't think she'd find it anywhere near as funny. Good times Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snakehips 0 Posted December 5, 2005 Share Posted December 5, 2005 Shoosh you. It's so damn funny it withstands the test of time! In that I first heard it 2 years ago, and it still makes me giggle. Teeheehee, I text it to a friend on a train once, knowing full well they were alone on public transport at the time.... apparently he couldnt' stop laughing for about 5 mins and the lady next to him was looking at him REALLY oddly... and he couldn't explain because he didn't think she'd find it anywhere near as funny. Good times 64561[/snapback] Mmmmmmmmmm, something seems wrong there somewhere ps Lou, I thought it was only me that post crap jokes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetleftpeg 0 Posted December 5, 2005 Share Posted December 5, 2005 I can't be arsed to check the pages, but has anyone done the Bob Murray/Newcastle Broon Ale joke yet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WubbleUC 0 Posted December 5, 2005 Share Posted December 5, 2005 I can't be arsed to check the pages, but has anyone done the Bob Murray/Newcastle Broon Ale joke yet? 64571[/snapback] I cannit be arsed to check, just dee it man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetleftpeg 0 Posted December 5, 2005 Share Posted December 5, 2005 Whey, they both get bottled in Newcastle. Yes, I know Broon Ale now gets bottled in Dunston, but you get the jist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WubbleUC 0 Posted December 5, 2005 Share Posted December 5, 2005 Whey, they both get bottled in Newcastle. Yes, I know Broon Ale now gets bottled in Dunston, but you get the jist. 64574[/snapback] Probably should have guessed that one, but have a Nonetheless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sammynb 3508 Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 1. What do you call a cupboard full of lesbians? A licker cabinet. 2. What do you call an Eskimo lesbian? A Klondyke. 3. What do you call 100 lesbians with guns? Militia Etheridge. 4. Why can't lesbians diet and wear make-up at the same time? Because they can't eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay on their face. 5. What is a lesbian dinosaur called? A Lickalotapuss. 6. What do you call two lesbians in a canoe? Fur Traders. 7. What do you call a lesbian with long fingers? Well Hung. 8. Did you hear that Ellen DeGeneres drowned? She was found face down in Ricki Lake. 9. How can you tell a tough lesbian bar? Even the pool table doesn't have balls. 10. What do you call lesbian twins? Lick-a-likes. 11. What's the definition of confusion? Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market. 12. What's the difference between a Ritz cracker and a lesbian? One's a snack cracker, the other's a crack snacker. (I thought some were funny ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mags 1 Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 A City cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him. "Nice bike," the cop said "did Santa bring it to you?" "Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!" The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation.The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it." The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?" "Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop. The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jusoda Kid 1 Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 A City cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a littlegirl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him. "Nice bike," the cop said "did Santa bring it to you?" "Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!" The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation.The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it." The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?" "Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop. The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top." 66364[/snapback] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catmag 337 Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 (edited) Police have admitted today that George Best was in fact not buried last week, and that in retrospect the decision to have him cremated in Hemel Hempstead on Sunday was a big mistake........ Edited December 14, 2005 by catmag Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin Carr's Gloves 3964 Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 I agree Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Manson 0 Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 Police have admitted today that George Best was in fact not buried last week, and that in retrospect the decision to have him cremated in Hemel Hempstead on Sunday was a big mistake........ 67604[/snapback] At least wait until they put it out you evil, evil person Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Toplass-101 Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out! Then one Christmas morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said,"You were right pet." "All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you." "What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig 6700 Posted January 17, 2006 Author Share Posted January 17, 2006 This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out! Then one Christmas morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said,"You were right pet." "All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you." "What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in." 80400[/snapback] 'fess up... this was you and Pud on Christmas Day wasn't it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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