Merry Christmas!!!!!

[Toonpack 10380]

[Renton 22376]

5 minutes ago, Toonpack said:

 

This is literally me today. 

 

Anybody coming to the lovely Tynemouth on the Metro have a look on the foot bridge. Chris Donald has done a great job. 

 

[Renton 22376]

Some of them. 

 

[Meenzer 15825]

The Darras Hall one

[Gemmill 46991]

Lenny Henry's Christmas Special from 1987 is on BBC4 tonight. Might be of interest to the lads that post regularly in the joke and funny pictures thread. 

[Toonpack 10380]

12 minutes ago, Gemmill said:

Lenny Henry's Christmas Special from 1987 is on BBC4 tonight. Might be of interest to the lads that post regularly in the joke and funny pictures thread. 

Or accountants with their trademark lack of a sense of humour (one of who, coincidentally I am sure, was the only person on the board who KNEW Lenny Henry was on BBC4 tonight).

[Gemmill 46991]

Somebody just set the Sky+. 

[Gemmill 46991]

@Howmanheyman

 

Zulu. Today. 3:50pm on C4. 

 

The Guns of Navarone. NYE. 2:05pm on C4. 

[Toonpack 10380]

17 minutes ago, Gemmill said:

Somebody just set the Sky+. 

Who pays for sky in this day and age !!! 🤷‍♂️

[Dazzler 10775]

All the best to every cunt on here. I was fucked on high strength whisky and lager yesterday afternoon and dying today - stopped drinking at two, was sober and had rehydrated on tea and juice by 10 and still dying today. 
 

Not cut out for drinking anymore it seems.

[Kevin Carr's Gloves 4063]

20 minutes ago, Dazzler said:

All the best to every cunt on here. I was fucked on high strength whisky and lager yesterday afternoon and dying today - stopped drinking at two, was sober and had rehydrated on tea and juice by 10 and still dying today. 
 

Not cut out for drinking anymore it seems.

Is there low strength whisky?

[Toonpack 10380]

27 minutes ago, Dazzler said:

All the best to every cunt on here. I was fucked on high strength whisky and lager yesterday afternoon and dying today - stopped drinking at two, was sober and had rehydrated on tea and juice by 10 and still dying today. 
 

Not cut out for drinking anymore it seems.

Alka Seltzer the veritable king of post drink precautions.

[Alex 35898]

7 hours ago, Meenzer said:

The Darras Hall one

The Ministry one was my personal fave  

[Alex 35898]

5 hours ago, Gemmill said:

@Howmanheyman

 

Zulu. Today. 3:50pm on C4. 

 

The Guns of Navarone. NYE. 2:05pm on C4. 

Don’t throw…..bloody spears…..at me 

[Ayatollah Hermione 14225]

13 hours ago, Renton said:

Some of them. 

 

These are in a pub somewhere round here but can I fuck remember which one. I think, anyway

[Dazzler 10775]

21 hours ago, Kevin Carr's Gloves said:

Is there low strength whisky?

No, but the standard is 40% - the one I was putting away was 48.5% so in whisky terms it's this high:

 

[RobinRobin 11779]

14 hours ago, Dazzler said:

No, but the standard is 40% - the one I was putting away was 48.5% so in whisky terms it's this high:

 

With your "challenges" shouldn't you be permanently on low? 🙂 

[Gemmill 46991]

Just thinking there. How do you reckon Jermaine Jenas's Christmas went? I hope he spent it with Gregg Wallace. 

[Sonatine 11694]

[Monkeys Fist 43538]

1 hour ago, Gemmill said:

Just thinking there. How do you reckon Jermaine Jenas's Christmas went? I hope he spent it with Gregg Wallace. 

When my laddie was about 4-5, he got a tape measure in his Christmas cracker. 
I showed him how it worked, which he understood pretty much instantly, he’s a bright lad. 
Measured my head diameter- about 25-26 inches. 
 

Measured his, but went from the other end of the tape- I got him to put his finger on the tape , then read it out to us. 
52 inches or so. 
 

He was absolutely convinced, but utterly confused, that he had a monumentally large head. 
 

This went on, every Christmas, until he finally sussed it when he was 10 

 

 

Both Jenas and Wallace would surpass his false bonce measurement, genuinely, by a significant margin, the fucking massive-headed, creepy fucking nonces that they are. 
 

(If I had to choose which of the two I was most pleased about being publicly humiliated, it’s the one with the 90° angles to their ultra large cranium. )

[Alex 35898]

I mean I’m not condoning what he did. But at least with Jenas you could see how a former premier league footballer might think they’re god’s gift to women. But Wallace’s ego seems to be largely based on being an overweight middle aged bloke who lost a couple of stone and started going to the gym. The fucking state of him, man. Mind, I doubt there’s much between them in the who’s the biggest cunt stakes. 

[Alex 35898]

On the subject on Xmas (-ish), there’s a house on my estate and they have a themed wreath on their door, which varies throughout the year, which seems to be a bit of a trend now. They also put themed decorations up in the small tree next to their house. So Easter, summer and so on. It’s on my way to the metro and I also often go past when walking the dogs. This year I noticed the Halloween stuff replaced the summer theme on September 1st  Even better the OTT Xmas decorations, including tinsel wrapped around all the lampposts nearby were there on the 1st of fucking November. I went past on New Year’s Day and they’ve put up a pink wreath and pink heart decorations up in the tree for Valentine’s Day. Seriously, what are people like?  

Edited Sunday at 18:23 by Alex

[Monkeys Fist 43538]

31 minutes ago, Alex said:

On the subject on Xmas (-ish), there’s a house on my estate and they have a themed wreath on their door, which varies throughout the year, which seems to be a bit of a trend now. They also put themed decorations up in the small tree next to their house. So Easter, summer and so on. It’s on my way to the metro and I also often go past when walking the dogs. This year I noticed the Halloween stuff replaced the summer theme on September 1st  Even better the OTT Xmas decorations, including tinsel wrapped around all the lampposts nearby were there on the 1st of fucking November. I went past on New Year’s Day and they’ve put up a pink wreath and pink heart decorations up in the tree for Valentine’s Day. Seriously, what are people like?  

If I was a gambling man, I’d put good money on them owning either a pug or a miniature Yorkie. 

[Howmanheyman 34408]

47 minutes ago, Monkeys Fist said:

If I was a gambling man, I’d put good money on them owning either a pug or a miniature Yorkie. 

 

And a land rover/range rover the fucking CUNTS.