Food that can Feck Off.

[PaddockLad 17635]

9 minutes ago, Renton said:

 

Right, how the fuck does that work? Do you peel out the outer layers or something? 

 

https://www.hairybikers.com/recipes/view/skinny-beef-lasagne

[Alex 35565]

Shit, cheap, orange-looking dried pasta is an absolute abomination. Even more so when people serve it in a bowl then just plonk the sauce on top. 

[Dr Gloom 22129]

18 minutes ago, Alex said:

Re: Aubergines, if you do melanzane alla parmigiana properly it’s a fanny on but really nice. Goes lush with pasta in a spicy tomato sauce too

 

unlike most veggies, it pays to cook the shit out of aubergine. that's when the magic happens. this is one of the few veggies you don't want al dente. undercooked aubergine is absolutely rank

 

my go to way of prepping them is either burn them on the hob until the skins are black and the insides go all smokey, or prick them and bang them in the oven on a high heat for about an hour before belnding them into babaganoush, or frying up the velvety insides as a curry. 

[trophyshy 7084]

8 minutes ago, Dr Gloom said:

prick them and bang them in the oven on a high heat for about an hour before blending them into babaganoush, or frying up the velvety insides as a curry. 

 

[Dr Gloom 22129]

agree about marrows - and courgettes actually. they're fine but they're kind of a nothing vegetable - just meh. like a poor man's aubergine. the texture definitely improves if you cook the shit out of them, so they go creamy and can be stirred through pasta or something. but undercooked, watery courgettes are minging. 

 

i'll throw another one out there - the turnip. it's not like i can't stomach them but that's an unloved vegetable right there. it's hard to get excited about them - and our veg box is always full of the bastards this time of year. an absolute chore to get through them all and the kids hate them. i've tried everything - disguising them in mash, trying to trun them up into chips or wedges but they always smell a rat and complain. 

 

 

[Renton 21967]

6 minutes ago, Dr Gloom said:

our veg box

 

I see. Of course. 

 

 

[Monkeys Fist 43035]

2 hours ago, Dr Gloom said:

 

they're a flavour vehicle though. home made guacamole with chilli, fresh garlic, fresh coriander and fuck loads of lime juice is a thing of beauty 

An ice-cream van is a flavour vehicle- wouldn’t want to eat one though. 
 

Avocado can get fucked. 

[Dr Gloom 22129]

11 minutes ago, Renton said:

 

I see. Of course. 

 

 

 

surely you'd be more surprised if i didn't get a veg box 

[Monkeys Fist 43035]

1 hour ago, Dr Gloom said:

think it's the idea of eating something that could grow on your toes that i find most off-putting. 

 

Depending on the hygiene of the toe-owner, that could apply to most vegetables too. 
 

Man-up, get some fungus down your throat. 

[Monkeys Fist 43035]

Turkey- if you need to brine it for 24hrs, then cover it in another (better) meat just to try to coax some flavour out of it, why bother? 
 

Turkey- fuck off! 

[Ayatollah Hermione 14040]

Aye, Turkey is a fraudster of a meat. Dried nonsense that needs an orange up it’s arse to have any sort of personality.

 

Chinese food is definitely the worst takeaway. A load of Aldi cooked chicken in a Maysan sauce. Bag of shite

[The Fish 10962]

16 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said:

Forgot,

Avocados. FUCK OFF!!!!

 

They look like dinosaurs bollocks, they’re between 50-95% inedible matter ( stone and aforementioned scrotum), what little edible shit is left clearly thinks it’s a panda, because it’s ripe for about the same number of microseconds that pandas are ripe for a shag. 
 

If you buy “ripened” ones, they’re smashed to fuck by the time you get them home. 
 

After all that, what have you got? 
 

Tasteless, green mush. 
Can you cook it?
 Aye, if want hot tasteless green mush, crack on. 
 

 

Fuck off Avocados 

Most of the avocados that exist now are here because their ancestors passed through the intestinal tract of Giant Ground Sloth in the Pleistocene era, if that makes them more appealing?

[Renton 21967]

1 hour ago, Monkeys Fist said:

Turkey- if you need to brine it for 24hrs, then cover it in another (better) meat just to try to coax some flavour out of it, why bother? 
 

Turkey- fuck off! 

 

👏

 

I'm somewhat not surprisingly a shit cook anyway, but have been nominated to cook the Xmas dinner this year. Fuck off with the turkey, a cheap shit piece of meat no bugger wants apart from at Xmas. Bought a beef wellington from a good local butcher instead. Figure it will just be like cooking a giant saudage roll. Amirite? 

[Alex 35565]

Me granny always had roast chicken for Christmas dinner and couldn’t understand the fuss about turkey, when nobody bothered with it the rest of the year. When I used to eat it I always thought it was dry and boring 

[Alex 35565]

1 minute ago, Renton said:

 

👏

 

I'm somewhat not surprisingly a shit cook anyway, but have been nominated to cook the Xmas dinner this year. Fuck off with the turkey, a cheap shit piece of meat no bugger wants apart from at Xmas. Bought a beef wellington from a good local butcher instead. Figure it will just be like cooking a giant saudage roll. Amirite? 

It’ll be a bit like that but exactly like cooking a beef wellington, if that helps 👍🏻  

[The Fish 10962]

Used to hate mushrooms then realised that was pathetic so decided to like them instead and I'm much better off for it. Great in meat pies, on pizzas, or in Risotto. 

 

Shellfish of all kinds can get straight back in the fucking sea though. Crab, lobsters, oysters, periwinkles or clams. All awful. 

 

Turkey is bland, dry and boring. It's the Aston Villa of Christmas Dinner. We've not had it in years and haven't missed it at all. We've had ham, beef or Chicken and been the happier for it. 

 

I don't like egg. Boiled, Fried or scrambled, but I know I'm in the minority so won't have too much of a go at a chicken's period.

[NJS 4410]

Mayonnaise and tomato ketchup are the devil's spunk and period blood (I'm assuming "he's" an hermaphrodite for this purpose) . 

 

Agree that rhubarb is shite. 

 

Quite like turkey as long as its moist. 

 

Love fish but don't like "seafood" in general but the couple of times I've had lobster I thought it was alright. 

[Dr Gloom 22129]

2 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said:

Turkey- if you need to brine it for 24hrs, then cover it in another (better) meat just to try to coax some flavour out of it, why bother? 
 

Turkey- fuck off! 

 

i think this is the case for most Christmas foods - there's a reason we only eat Christmas pudding and mince pies once a year - rank

Edited December 15, 2023 by Dr Gloom

[Renton 21967]

11 minutes ago, NJS said:

Mayonnaise and tomato ketchup are the devil's spunk and period blood

[Howmanheyman 33802]

Going against the grain but quite like turkey at Christmas, it's everything else that goes with it that makes it although saying that, I don't mind the left over turkey with some homemade chips for simplicity once the indulgence part of Christmas is done. 

[The Fish 10962]

48 minutes ago, NJS said:

Mayonnaise and tomato ketchup are the devil's spunk and period blood (I'm assuming "he's" an hermaphrodite for this purpose) . 

 

[Dazzler 10344]

I make a canny turkey - the wife was never a fan until I started making the dinner. Normally, I'm half a bottle of whiskey down by the time I serve it up though so I have no real idea on whether she's right or not as by then everything is consumed merely to stop me spewing my rim.

[Dr Gloom 22129]

2 minutes ago, Dazzler said:

I make a canny turkey - the wife was never a fan until I started making the dinner. Normally, I'm half a bottle of whiskey down by the time I serve it up though so I have no real idea on whether she's right or not as by then everything is consumed merely to stop me spewing my rim.

sounds like my kind of Christmas Day. We were on the dirty martinis by 11am last year. Absolutely shitfaced by about 2pm 

[Howmanheyman 33802]

No Christmas alcohol for me as the daughters have volunteered to do a couple of hours work in the evening so I'll be dropping them up and picking them up unless the youngest gets a car first?*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*I've booked an appointment at a car dealership tomorrow. No pressure, princess.

Edited December 15, 2023 by Howmanheyman

[Renton 21967]

So, here's my cooking revelation of the year. I'm not sure there is anything that does not benefit from the addition of chorizo. Chilli con canre - add some chorizo! Just had some baked beans with a pastie there for lunch, chopped up some chorizo, baked it with the pastie, added it to the beans, and hey presto, beans now taste delicious.  I know this is a bit but you can thank me later.