Food that can Feck Off.

[The Fish 10857]

7 minutes ago, Renton said:

So, here's my cooking revelation of the year. I'm not sure there is anything that does not benefit from the addition of chorizo. Chilli con canre - add some chorizo! Just had some baked beans with a pastie there for lunch, chopped up some chorizo, baked it with the pastie, added it to the beans, and hey presto, beans now taste delicious.  I know this is a bit but you can thank me later. 

 

Wouldn't add Chorizo to Chilli, but have it in baked beans all the time. 

 

Speaking of sausages, American hotdogs/weiners/frankfurters can all fuck off. 

[ewerk 30611]

1 hour ago, Dr Gloom said:

 

there's a reason we only eat Christmas pudding and mice pies once a year - rank

I don’t fancy Christmas lunch round Gloom’s.

 

[The Fish 10857]

Trifle is shit. Oh and all American cakes. Mother fuckers cannot make a sponge. This is going to sound mental, but it's too sweet, too uniform.

[acrossthepond 877]

Where do I start? 

 

Avocados - FUCK OFF. Nasty, fatty, awful. Is it a fruit? Is it a vegetable? Is it a dinosaur's testicle? Who cares, it's rank.

Mayo, ranch dressing, tartar sauce, aioli, any other fucking white slops that looks like it shows up under ultraviolet light. FUCK OFFFFFFF. I will not touch anything that's been into contact with any of these. Some of my students put mayonnaise on hot dogs, for God's sake. There ought to be a special division at the Hague for this sort of thing. 

American cheese - FUCK. OFF. I don't think anything else needs to be said. I'll add basically any yellow cheese to this category as well though I know that will be a more controversial opinion. 

Sour cream - What the fuck. Why are we using spoilt food? This isn't the Great Depression. FUCK OFF. 

Cheese danishes - WHY go to the trouble of making pastry, which is fucking difficult, only to fill it with minging, stinking fake cheese. GET IN THE FUCKING SEA. That goes for cheesecake as well. Why make a CAKE (delicious) only to fill it with FUCKING CHEESE (wretched)????

Zucchini/courgettes - Why does this vegetable exist? Cucumbers at least are refreshing. These are watery, wet, tasteless SHITE. FUCK OFF. 

Water chestnuts - Once again, who the fuck thought it was a good idea to eat these sopping wet flavorless discs? Dry toast has more personality. FUCK OFF. 

Ham - Now I want to preface this by saying that I've never eaten it, but what the fuck? It looks like a fucking corpse's ass-cheek and is injected with water. Absolutely disgusting. I understand the allure of crispy bacon or a pork chop but this honestly revolts me.

Undercooked meat - Over the course of millions of years, our distant ancestors figured out how to use fire to cook meat.  It was a seminal fucking step in the development of human civilization. BUT NOW, some fucking MORONS decided to revert to pre-caveman ways and eat bloody, raw, living flesh. Tartare? Carpaccio? How do you say "fuck you" in Italian? Sushi? That should be up there with the fucking Rape of Nanking as another Japanese war crime. Get fucked, the lot of it. 

Fatty steaks - What the actual fuck? Ribeyes, cowboy steaks, the fucking lot. "The fat is a key component in the meal", no it fucking isn't, are you mad? Great geet fucking white undissolved hunks of fat do not belong in my mouth. Do you serve a fucking pineapple with the skin on because it's a key component of the meal? Do you FUCK!

 

[Monkeys Fist 42449]

Sweetcorn- get in the fuck pot. 

Tinned, frozen, whatever, it can do one. 

The fact that it emerges in your shite essentially unchanged from when it went in says everything you need to know. 
The only thing worse than seeing sweetcorn on a plate is seeing sweetcorn WITH PEAS MIXED IN!!!!!

 

I am a food separatist. 
 

Which leads me to Full Englishes, specifically the beans, contaminating everything. 
 

PUT THEM IN A FUCKING POT YOU SAVAGES! 

I accept that some places don’t have pots, so use the sausages to make a bean-seawall. ( Sausages are safe from bean juice ingress, since they are a superfood). 
 

I was in this gaff in Doncaster once, they started putting together what looked like a half-decent breakfast. 
Then I noticed, halfway through, she hadn’t put the beans in either a pot, or behind the sausages which were already on the plate. 
Bean fear!!!

Before I could raise the alarm, this feckin Breakfast Terrorist had slopped a ladle full of the fuckers all over everything. 
 

I just shook my head and walked out. 
 

( I actually like beans, but I want to decide which other bits of my breakfast will come in to contact with them). 

[Monkeys Fist 42449]

22 minutes ago, acrossthepond said:

Sushi? That should be up there with the fucking Rape of Nanking as another Japanese war crime. Get fucked, the lot of it. 

 

 

I love it. 

[Tdansmith 3259]

1 hour ago, Monkeys Fist said:

Sweetcorn- get in the fuck pot. 

Tinned, frozen, whatever, it can do one. 

The fact that it emerges in your shite essentially unchanged from when it went in says everything you need to know. 

😂

[wykikitoon 20146]

Egg mayo

 

You filthy cunts

[Alex 35083]

2 hours ago, The Fish said:

Trifle is shit. Oh and all American cakes. Mother fuckers cannot make a sponge. This is going to sound mental, but it's too sweet, too uniform.

Agree on trifle. And the cupcakes craze that came over from America where there was a little bit of cake hidden several feet of icing. Give me a homemade lemon drizzle cake any day 

[Gemmill 44881]

Cake pops. Fucking vile cake on a stick.

[Gemmill 44881]

2 hours ago, acrossthepond said:

Where do I start? 

 

Avocados - FUCK OFF. Nasty, fatty, awful. Is it a fruit? Is it a vegetable? Is it a dinosaur's testicle? Who cares, it's rank.

Mayo, ranch dressing, tartar sauce, aioli, any other fucking white slops that looks like it shows up under ultraviolet light. FUCK OFFFFFFF. I will not touch anything that's been into contact with any of these. Some of my students put mayonnaise on hot dogs, for God's sake. There ought to be a special division at the Hague for this sort of thing. 

American cheese - FUCK. OFF. I don't think anything else needs to be said. I'll add basically any yellow cheese to this category as well though I know that will be a more controversial opinion. 

Sour cream - What the fuck. Why are we using spoilt food? This isn't the Great Depression. FUCK OFF. 

Cheese danishes - WHY go to the trouble of making pastry, which is fucking difficult, only to fill it with minging, stinking fake cheese. GET IN THE FUCKING SEA. That goes for cheesecake as well. Why make a CAKE (delicious) only to fill it with FUCKING CHEESE (wretched)????

Zucchini/courgettes - Why does this vegetable exist? Cucumbers at least are refreshing. These are watery, wet, tasteless SHITE. FUCK OFF. 

Water chestnuts - Once again, who the fuck thought it was a good idea to eat these sopping wet flavorless discs? Dry toast has more personality. FUCK OFF. 

Ham - Now I want to preface this by saying that I've never eaten it, but what the fuck? It looks like a fucking corpse's ass-cheek and is injected with water. Absolutely disgusting. I understand the allure of crispy bacon or a pork chop but this honestly revolts me.

Undercooked meat - Over the course of millions of years, our distant ancestors figured out how to use fire to cook meat.  It was a seminal fucking step in the development of human civilization. BUT NOW, some fucking MORONS decided to revert to pre-caveman ways and eat bloody, raw, living flesh. Tartare? Carpaccio? How do you say "fuck you" in Italian? Sushi? That should be up there with the fucking Rape of Nanking as another Japanese war crime. Get fucked, the lot of it. 

Fatty steaks - What the actual fuck? Ribeyes, cowboy steaks, the fucking lot. "The fat is a key component in the meal", no it fucking isn't, are you mad? Great geet fucking white undissolved hunks of fat do not belong in my mouth. Do you serve a fucking pineapple with the skin on because it's a key component of the meal? Do you FUCK!

 

 

From ham onwards you're having a NIGHTMARE here.

 

A Ramsay's Kitchen NIGHTMARE.

[Toonpack 9409]

14 minutes ago, wykikitoon said:

Egg mayo

 

You filthy cunts

 

Love egg mayo 😘

[Toonpack 9409]

Sushi is beyond rank, the only thing that should eat raw fish is a bigger fish (and the odd bear, penguin or seal)

[Kevin Carr's Gloves 3894]

Never eat the cucumber in a woman’s prison

[Toonpack 9409]

5 minutes ago, Kevin Carr's Gloves said:

Never eat the cucumber in a woman’s prison

 

Prison sushi

[wykikitoon 20146]

1 hour ago, Kevin Carr's Gloves said:

Never eat the cucumber in a woman’s prison

Fist loves it. 

[Monkeys Fist 42449]

9 minutes ago, wykikitoon said:

Fist loves it. 

 

Fruits de Mer! 
 

[Tdansmith 3259]

11 hours ago, Dr Gloom said:

mushrooms.

 

hmmm - the fleshy, spore-bearing fruiting body of a fungus.

 

so appealing, so appetising. and definitely not at all like biting down on a slug 

I agree. 

I mean have people not seen "The Last Of Us"  FFS ! 

[strawb 4251]

I thought this might be a cold take but seeing some of your calls here…

 

Baked beans are rank, texture, taste, too sweet everything about them is shite

[trophyshy 7083]

Apples.  Fuck off Shola.  

[Monkeys Fist 42449]

2 minutes ago, trophyshy said:

Apples.  Fuck off Shola.  

Certainly didn’t keep the doctor away. 

[Tdansmith 3259]

11 minutes ago, strawb said:

I thought this might be a cold take but seeing some of your calls here…

 

Baked beans are rank, texture, taste, too sweet everything about them is shite

I disagree with you 57 times 🤣

[Holden McGroin 6585]

Beans. Any sort. Boring texture. 

[Blastronaut 1333]

Who ever suggested adding coriander to food earlier in this thread can absolutely fuck off. It's like using Fairy liquid as a fucking seasoning.

 

I'm no beer snob but "La Chouffee" is an abonimation. Who the fuck puts coriander in beer? I'd rather go sober. Or worse, drink Carling or Fosters. 

[Dr Gloom 21924]

11 minutes ago, Blastronaut said:

Who ever suggested adding coriander to food earlier in this thread can absolutely fuck off. It's like using Fairy liquid as a fucking seasoning.

 

I'm no beer snob but "La Chouffee" is an abonimation. Who the fuck puts coriander in beer? I'd rather go sober. Or worse, drink Carling or Fosters. 

if you don’t like coriander, you don’t like

curry. Therefore you lose.