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Food that can Feck Off.


Monkeys Fist
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Fish Cakes- fuck off. 
 

I like fish, I like potatoes, I like breaded fish, I like mashed potatoes. 
 Put them together though, and you can just put it straight in the bin. 
 

 

Rhubarb- fuck off. 
 

“ What’s for pudding Mam?”

” Crumble!”

” Oooh, great- what kind”

” Shit red fucking celery, that’s what kind.

Cooked to a slimy mush, that resembles melted , but raw, muscle fibre”

” Great …”

 

 

Tinned tomatoes dumped on a cooked breakfast- Fuck right off, and take the twat that dumped them there with you. 
 

 

Crack on, gents. 

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Forgot,

Avocados. FUCK OFF!!!!

 

They look like dinosaurs bollocks, they’re between 50-95% inedible matter ( stone and aforementioned scrotum), what little edible shit is left clearly thinks it’s a panda, because it’s ripe for about the same number of microseconds that pandas are ripe for a shag. 
 

If you buy “ripened” ones, they’re smashed to fuck by the time you get them home. 
 

After all that, what have you got? 
 

Tasteless, green mush. 
Can you cook it?
 Aye, if want hot tasteless green mush, crack on. 
 

 

Fuck off Avocados 

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2 minutes ago, Tdansmith said:

Brussels sprouts.

My mam used to over cook them till they were a green mush I've hated them and refuse to eat them since.

And don't get me started on the smell...yuk !

Should be called Pepe le Sprout as they fuckin' honk. 
 

Steam them for about 5 minutes, then cook them in sauté pan with pancetta and a splash of white wine. 
Little parcels of delicious :lol:

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1 minute ago, Monkeys Fist said:

Steam them for about 5 minutes, then cook them in sauté pan with pancetta and a splash of white wine. 
Little parcels of delicious :lol:

Sounds absolutely yuk !

 My face even cringed as I read that 😂

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} Love fish cakes, love sprouts cooked correctly. Rhubarb, marzipan, avocado meh. 

 

I always love the look of sea food, crustaceans and the like, but it usually disappoints taste wise.  Don't hate it though. Probably the only thing I'd struggle to eat is offal, especially tripe or faggots. Horrible. 

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Rhubarb 

 

I was on an escape and evasion training exercise once, found a farmhouse with loads in their garden and being starving I helped myself to a couple of stalks. If I can give anyone advice it would be to try and avoid having a case of gut wrenching shits whilst trying to evade capture by the Royal Marines.

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5 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said:

Fish Cakes- fuck off. 
 

I like fish, I like potatoes, I like breaded fish, I like mashed potatoes. 
 Put them together though, and you can just put it straight in the bin. 
 

 

Rhubarb- fuck off. 
 

“ What’s for pudding Mam?”

” Crumble!”

” Oooh, great- what kind”

” Shit red fucking celery, that’s what kind.

Cooked to a slimy mush, that resembles melted , but raw, muscle fibre

” Great …”

 

 

Tinned tomatoes dumped on a cooked breakfast- Fuck right off, and take the twat that dumped them there with you. 
 

 

Crack on, gents. 

Season 1 Showtime GIF by Dexter

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10 hours ago, Howmanheyman said:

Tinned tuna, pilchards, sardines can massively fuck off as can those eating them in my vicinity. 

 

One of life's little pleasures is eating tinned fish in the vicinity of people like you. Tough titty. :icon_lol:

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Most things that have been smoked, particularly smoked fish can fuck right off.

 

Smokey bacon in a sarnie because "it's all I've got in" - fuck off - Smokey bacon wrapped around a larger joint of meat can stay.

 

Tinned/jarred hot dogs.

 

Crab sticks.

 

Mussels

 

Sushi

 

All the above can get fucked.

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13 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said:

Forgot,

Avocados. FUCK OFF!!!!

 

They look like dinosaurs bollocks, they’re between 50-95% inedible matter ( stone and aforementioned scrotum), what little edible shit is left clearly thinks it’s a panda, because it’s ripe for about the same number of microseconds that pandas are ripe for a shag. 
 

If you buy “ripened” ones, they’re smashed to fuck by the time you get them home. 
 

After all that, what have you got? 
 

Tasteless, green mush. 
Can you cook it?
 Aye, if want hot tasteless green mush, crack on. 
 

 

Fuck off Avocados 

 

they're a flavour vehicle though. home made guacamole with chilli, fresh garlic, fresh coriander and fuck loads of lime juice is a thing of beauty 

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