Eddie “ Eagle-Eyed Action Man, with Gripping Hands” Howe’s Unstoppable Force vs Playmobil Heed’s Perennial Bottle Arse(nal)’s. Sun 7th May. Saint James’es’s Park. 16:30h.

[Renton 21567]

1 hour ago, Dr Gloom said:

 

it’ll be a sausage party on Sunday 

 

We'll be swinging our schlongs, banging our bangers, getting fruity with our frankfurters, baring our bratwurst, celebrating our chorizo, pimping our pepperoni, and even getting cheeky with our chipolata. 

 

Meanwhile CT might dare to take off a layer of his fanny pads. 

Edited May 1, 2023 by Renton

[Dr Gloom 21912]

22 minutes ago, Renton said:

 

We'll be swinging our schlongs, banging our bangers, getting fruity with our frankfurters, baring our bratwurst, celebrating our chorizo, pimping our pepperoni, and even getting cheeky with our chipolata. 

 

Meanwhile CT might dare to take off a layer of his fanny pads. 

I’ll be lounging with my Linda McCartney  

[Rayvin 5217]

Weirdly I find myself very confident about this particular game in amongst the others - Arsenal were destroyed by the atmosphere at SJP last season as much as the football. And as a club, they have form for this. They've always been lacking 'the minerals' for a proper fight and that's still apparent given their capitulation this season with respect of the title. Not only do I think we should win this, I think we'll fucking shred them.

 

I did want them to win the league rather than City tbh, just for variety - but they're getting poleaxed at the weekend.

[Monkeys Fist 42377]

57 minutes ago, Renton said:

 

We'll be swinging our schlongs, banging our bangers, getting fruity with our frankfurters, baring our bratwurst, celebrating our chorizo, pimping our pepperoni, and even getting cheeky with our chipolata. 

 

Meanwhile CT might dare to take off a layer of his fanny pads. 

This post is the wurst. 

[Renton 21567]

7 minutes ago, Rayvin said:

Weirdly I find myself very confident about this particular game in amongst the others - Arsenal were destroyed by the atmosphere at SJP last season as much as the football. And as a club, they have form for this. They've always been lacking 'the minerals' for a proper fight and that's still apparent given their capitulation this season with respect of the title. Not only do I think we should win this, I think we'll fucking shred them.

 

I did want them to win the league rather than City tbh, just for variety - but they're getting poleaxed at the weekend.

 

I did until old playmobile head got right on my tits. Pep showed us respect and gave is credit, Arteta was just a small time twat. I'm looking forward to making him cry.

[Dr Gloom 21912]

File Arteta alongside Klopp. Arrogant tit always outside his technical area and in the fourth official’s ear. Can’t stand him and that’s before we start with their fans. Man City fans seem alright in the main and I like how they continue to piss off the so-called established elite clubs 

[RobinRobin 11258]

12 hours ago, Christmas Tree said:

 

Liverpool have an easy run in and could get to 71 

Brighton can get to 73

 

I'm just far too excited / terrified to be counting any chickens at this point.

[wykikitoon 20111]

12 hours ago, Dr Gloom said:

File Arteta alongside Klopp. Arrogant tit always outside his technical area and in the fourth official’s ear. Can’t stand him and that’s before we start with their fans. Man City fans seem alright in the main and I like how they continue to piss off the so-called established elite clubs 

I blame the FA. Since the red nosed jock cunt they've let them dictate rather than show who's in charge. Fergie was a bully too with the officials and 'Fergie time' the cunt. 

[Gemmill 44804]

Arsenal have played some fixtures recently that are the same as our recent fixtures, namely:

 

Man City (A)

Southampton (H)

West Ham (A)

 

You could look at these as a measure of the relative form of the two teams coming into this Sunday.

 

Ignoring the scorelines and focusing instead on expected goals for and against, our expected goal difference over those 3 fixtures breaks down as follows:

 

City: -0.98

Southampton: +3.01

West Ham: +2.43

 

For a total of 4.46 for the three games.

 

Arsenal's looks like this:

 

City: -1.61

Southampton: 0.97

West Ham: 0.76

 

For a total of 0.12 over the three games.

 

Arguably the City match is a red herring. Maybe they took their foot off the gas with us but wanted to send a psychological message to Arsenal. But even ignoring that match altogether, Arsenal are not doing to the lesser teams what we are currently doing.

 

The chart below is accumulation of points away from home. Arsenal still have the best away record in the league but as you can see from the right hand side of their line, their away form has deserted them at a crucial point in the season. The last place they're going to want to come is to SJP.

 

 

I'd still take a Xhaka red card and a Saka injury tonight though.

[Alex 35059]

20 hours ago, Renton said:

 

We'll be swinging our schlongs, banging our bangers, getting fruity with our frankfurters, baring our bratwurst, celebrating our chorizo, pimping our pepperoni, and even getting cheeky with our chipolata. 

 

Meanwhile CT might dare to take off a layer of his fanny pads. 

You forgot ‘pulling our pudding’ 

[Alex 35059]

8 hours ago, wykikitoon said:

I blame the FA. Since the red nosed jock cunt they've let them dictate rather than show who's in charge. Fergie was a bully too with the officials and 'Fergie time' the cunt. 

It makes me laugh when you see all the grassroots football ‘respect’ campaigns etc then the PL won’t even support officials in the most high profile incidents.
Chris Sutton talks a load of shite on the whole but he did a good piece on the beeb about how Klopp should’ve got a ban. And maybe make it 3 games to demonstrate how unacceptable it is. Especially as he has form 

Edited May 2, 2023 by Alex

[wykikitoon 20111]

3 minutes ago, Alex said:

It makes me laugh when you see all the grassroots football ‘respect’ campaigns etc then the PL won’t even support officials in the most high profile incidents.
Chris Sutton take a load of shite on the whole but he did a good piece on the beeb about how Klopp should’ve got a ban. And maybe make it 3 games to demonstrate how unacceptable it is. Especially as he has form 

Absolutely.  You have daft cunts on Sky laughing about horse heed pulling his hammy and absolutely fuck all about his actions.

 

Stop fining them.  Dock them points, it will soon stop.

[PaddockLad 17239]

Here’s a simplified version of what Gemmill just posted, for the uninitiated it’s the pretty colours on the right. On my new website “cool stats for basic bitches.co.uk” we call it “last 5 games” and it’s a sort of handy “cut out and keep” guide to the current form of any given team. You can contribute to the website at patreon.com/stats?ifuckinshitemmush

 

 

[The Fish 10849]

 

Too many wet keks in here like. 

 

The absolute maximum Liverpool can get is 71pts. We just need two wins to equal that. We're also 11 goals better off than they are. 

Brighton can get a maximum of 73pts, and we're 13 goals better off than them.

 

 

Liverpool have Ful (h), Bre (h), Lei (a), Ast (h), Sou (a). Of course it's possible that they beat every single team there. But Aston Villa are no mugs, Leicester will be fighting for their lives and Fulham and Brentford are no mugs. They've got no chance.

Brighton have MNU (h), Eve (h), Ars (a), New (a), Sou (h), MCI (h), Ast (a). They might only get 2 wins from that run, so they're no fucking threat. 

 

We're golden lads, golden.

[Dr Gloom 21912]

6 minutes ago, The Fish said:

 

Too many wet keks in here like. 

 

The absolute maximum Liverpool can get is 71pts. We just need two wins to equal that. We're also 11 goals better off than they are. 

Brighton can get a maximum of 73pts, and we're 13 goals better off than them.

 

 

Liverpool have Ful (h), Bre (h), Lei (a), Ast (h), Sou (a). Of course it's possible that they beat every single team there. But Aston Villa are no mugs, Leicester will be fighting for their lives and Fulham and Brentford are no mugs. They've got no chance.

Brighton have MNU (h), Eve (h), Ars (a), New (a), Sou (h), MCI (h), Ast (a). They might only get 2 wins from that run, so they're no fucking threat. 

 

We're golden lads, golden.

Liverpool are the obvious danger - they could win all their remaining games with the players they have, their history of putting together winning runs and the helping hand they get from referees and VAR. But I don’t see us picking up less than 9 points from our remaining games.

 

Agreed regarding Brighton. I think we’re good too

Edited May 2, 2023 by Dr Gloom

[Craig 6682]

23 hours ago, Christmas Tree said:

 

Liverpool have an easy run in and could get to 71 

Brighton can get to 73

 

I'm just far too excited / terrified to be counting any chickens at this point.

 

Turn it in, CT.

[MrBass 2651]

27 minutes ago, PaddockLad said:

Here’s a simplified version of what Gemmill just posted, for the uninitiated it’s the pretty colours on the right. On my new website “cool stats for basic bitches.co.uk” we call it “last 5 games” and it’s a sort of handy “cut out and keep” guide to the current form of any given team. You can contribute to the website at patreon.com/stats?ifuckinshitemmush

 

 

[spongebob toonpants 3993]

I'm not bed wetting, but I do think Liverpool Football Club have a decent chance of winning 4/5 games.

 

Still don't think they'll catch us though

 

Going to save the celebrations til its mathematically certain

 

[MrBass 2651]

Brighton have as much chance of overtaking us as Chelsea have of finishing 5th.  Well maybe that's a slight exaggeration but, for both, it's still mathematically possible at the moment.

 

Liverpool are our only viable threat and, with our remaining fixtures, we'd have to absolutely shit the bed for that to happen.

 

Anyway, after we break the Gooners hearts this Sunday we'll be virtually home and dry.

[Dr Gloom 21912]

We can all get the cigars out when we beat arsenal on Sunday - even CT

[MrBass 2651]

3 minutes ago, Dr Gloom said:

We can all get our sausages out when we beat arsenal on Sunday - even CT

 

S'YP

[Ayatollah Hermione 13856]

16 minutes ago, spongebob toonpants said:

I'm not bed wetting, but I do think Liverpool Football Club have a decent chance of winning 4/5 games.

 

Still don't think they'll catch us though

 

Going to save the celebrations til its mathematically certain

 

Aye, I’m with this. Can see Liverpool putting a VAR-powered run together but not having enough games to catch us. I reckon we get no less than 10 points and that’s with the caveat that Brighton and Arsenal turn up and get a positive result each. Leicester, Leeds and Chelsea is a 9 point run IMO. Chelsea will

give absolutely no fuck on the last day, even if Pochettino is sitting in the stands, it’ll not be enough to power them on

[Rayvin 5217]

The lowest we can finish at the moment is 8th - that's based on simple maths, not taking into consideration that some teams beneath us will play each other and therefore can't all have perfect runs.

 

At the very least, if we get 3 more points, we've qualified for Europe one way or another. I would have taken that at the start of this season, in fact I think I predicted 7th.

 

But realistically... We are going to get at least 4 points from Leicester and Leeds. That puts us on 69. 13 points ahead of where Liverpool are now, with 5 games remaining for them. So they would have to win all 5 of their remaining games even if we lost to Arsenal, Brighton and Chelsea. And tbh, I would imagine we'll get 6 points from Leicester, Leeds anyway - and 1 point minimum from Chelsea and/or Brighton even if we can't beat Arsenal.

 

So that's the whole final act of this - we get champions league if we beat Leeds, Leicester, and get 1 fucking point from 2 home games and an away game against midtable Chelsea.

 

We're fine.

[The Fish 10849]

6 minutes ago, Rayvin said:

The lowest we can finish at the moment is 8th - that's based on simple maths, not taking into consideration that some teams beneath us will play each other and therefore can't all have perfect runs.

 

At the very least, if we get 3 more points, we've qualified for Europe one way or another. I would have taken that at the start of this season, in fact I think I predicted 7th.

 

But realistically... We are going to get at least 4 points from Leicester and Leeds. That puts us on 69. 13 points ahead of where Liverpool are now, with 5 games remaining for them. So they would have to win all 5 of their remaining games even if we lost to Arsenal, Brighton and Chelsea. And tbh, I would imagine we'll get 6 points from Leicester, Leeds anyway - and 1 point minimum from Chelsea and/or Brighton even if we can't beat Arsenal.

 

So that's the whole final act of this - we get champions league if we beat Leeds, Leicester, and get 1 fucking point from 2 home games and an away game against midtable Chelsea.

 

We're fine.

 

This is exactly it, Liverpool would have to win every game and frankly they're two teams in one; one is a fantastic all-action monster, one is an incohesive mess. They can be both of those in 45 minutes, let alone 5x90. And yet people on here are expecting them to just railroad for the rest of the season. 

[ewerk 30544]

13 minutes ago, Rayvin said:

The lowest we can finish at the moment is 8th - that's based on simple maths, not taking into consideration that some teams beneath us will play each other and therefore can't all have perfect runs.

 

At the very least, if we get 3 more points, we've qualified for Europe one way or another. I would have taken that at the start of this season, in fact I think I predicted 7th.

 

But realistically... We are going to get at least 4 points from Leicester and Leeds. That puts us on 69. 13 points ahead of where Liverpool are now, with 5 games remaining for them. So they would have to win all 5 of their remaining games even if we lost to Arsenal, Brighton and Chelsea. And tbh, I would imagine we'll get 6 points from Leicester, Leeds anyway - and 1 point minimum from Chelsea and/or Brighton even if we can't beat Arsenal.

 

So that's the whole final act of this - we get champions league if we beat Leeds, Leicester, and get 1 fucking point from 2 home games and an away game against midtable Chelsea.

 

We're fine.

 

WRONG. We only need one more point to guarantee Champions League football. I was told so by some infallible oracle only last week, he definitely wasn't a bullshitting bluffer talking out of his arse.