The ChatGPT Thread

[Gemmill 44894]

Write a blues song about a cone-headed taxi driver called Christmas Tree. His hobbies are cooking horrible dinners, listening to ABBA, and voting for Brexit.

 

 

Verse 1:

Well, I hopped in a taxi cab, one cold and dreary night

The driver looked so strange, with a cone head big and bright

He said his name was Christmas Tree, and his hobbies were bizarre

Cooking terrible dinners and listening to ABBA, oh man, what a scar

 

Chorus:

Oh Christmas Tree, what's wrong with you?

Voting for Brexit, and your dinners make me blue

With your cone head and ABBA tunes, you're a sight to see

But I gotta get to my destination, so drive that taxi, Christmas Tree

 

Verse 2:

I asked him 'bout the weather, but he just talked 'bout Brexit

Said he wanted to be independent, didn't want no EU exit

Then he offered me some dinner, but I politely declined

I didn't wanna hurt his feelings, but those meals just ain't my kind

 

Chorus:

Oh Christmas Tree, what's wrong with you?

Voting for Brexit, and your dinners make me blue

With your cone head and ABBA tunes, you're a sight to see

But I gotta get to my destination, so drive that taxi, Christmas Tree

 

Verse 3:

As we drove along, he told me 'bout his love for ABBA songs

Said they made him feel alive, and he sang 'em all day long

I asked him what his favorite was, and he said it was "Fernando"

He started singing so loud, I thought my eardrums would blow

 

Chorus:

Oh Christmas Tree, what's wrong with you?

Voting for Brexit, and your dinners make me blue

With your cone head and ABBA tunes, you're a sight to see

But I gotta get to my destination, so drive that taxi, Christmas Tree

 

Verse 4: Finally, we arrived at my destination, and I paid him with a smile

I thanked him for the ride, and he said "Have a nice while"

As I walked away, I couldn't help but think

That Christmas Tree was quite a character, though his dinners really stink

 

Chorus:

Oh Christmas Tree, what's wrong with you?

Voting for Brexit, and your dinners make me blue

With your cone head and ABBA tunes, you're a sight to see

But I gotta get to my destination, so drive that taxi, Christmas Tree.

[Gemmill 44894]

Write a short story about a hobbit called RobinRobin who thinks he lives in Australia but actually lives in New Zealand. He is a deaf mute who communicates only through the medium of gifs. He is 80 years old. His hero is Chris Wood, the New Zealand footballer.

 

 

RobinRobin was an 80-year-old hobbit who lived in what he thought was Australia. He had lived in the same hobbit hole for as long as he could remember, and had never ventured far from his home. RobinRobin was a deaf mute, which made communication difficult, but he had found a way to express himself through the medium of gifs.

 

RobinRobin was obsessed with football, and his hero was Chris Wood, the New Zealand footballer. He had never actually seen Chris Wood play, but he had heard about him from other hobbits and had seen gifs of his goals on the internet. RobinRobin spent hours watching and re-watching these gifs, studying Wood's technique and dreaming of one day meeting him.

 

One day, RobinRobin decided to go on an adventure to see if he could find Chris Wood. He packed a bag with supplies and set off, following the road that he believed would lead him to Australia. After a few days of walking, he stumbled upon a sign that read "Welcome to New Zealand."

 

RobinRobin was confused. He had always thought he was in Australia, but now he realized he had been living in New Zealand all along. He felt a sense of disappointment, but he was also excited to explore this new land.

 

As he wandered through New Zealand, RobinRobin encountered many kind people who were fascinated by his communication through gifs. They welcomed him into their homes and taught him about their culture.

 

RobinRobin felt more connected to the world than ever before, and he realized that there was so much more to life than just football and Chris Wood.

 

Eventually, RobinRobin returned to his hobbit hole, a changed hobbit. He still loved football and Chris Wood, but he also had a new appreciation for the beauty of the world around him and the kindness of strangers. He continued to communicate through gifs, but now he also had stories to share about his adventures in New Zealand.

 

RobinRobin realized that sometimes, the greatest adventures are the ones that lead you to unexpected places.

[Dr Gloom 21924]

The robots are coming for our jobs. That was as good as one of HMHM’s finest 

[Andrew 4756]

https://www.cat-gpt.com/

[Gemmill 44894]

Write a yelp review of a football fan called @thebrokendoll who has recently been found to have tricked someone less fortunate than him into giving him lifts the length of the country to watch Newcastle United play. The review should be signed "Yours Sincerely, Alex Hurst."

 

 

 

Dear readers,

 

I am writing this review to warn you about a certain football fan who goes by the name of "thebrokendoll."

 

Recently, it has come to my attention that he has been taking advantage of someone less fortunate than him by tricking them into giving him lifts the length of the country to watch Newcastle United play.

 

This kind of behavior is absolutely unacceptable, and I am appalled by it. Not only is it unfair to take advantage of someone in such a way, but it also shows a complete lack of respect for the efforts of others.

 

As a fellow football fan, I believe that supporting your team is important. However, there is a right way and a wrong way to do it. Taking advantage of others is never the right way.

 

I urge you all to be wary of "thebrokendoll" and to avoid any interactions with him. We should all strive to support our teams in a way that is respectful and fair to everyone involved.

 

Yours Sincerely,

Alex Hurst

[Dr Gloom 21924]

Write a poem about a so-called accountant called Gemmill. Famous for his quick wit, knock knees, and for approaching unsuspecting women in late night taxi ranks. He was unfortunately hung like a Chinese mouse.
 

Gemmill the Accountant, they called him with glee,  
Quick-witted and clever as clever could be.  
But despite his sharp tongue and ease with a joke,  
Gemmill's appearance was quite a bit of a yoke.  

With knees that would knock and a frame rather slight,  
He'd approach ladies at night with all of his might.  
But despite his best efforts, they'd often say no,  
Leaving Gemmill alone with his mouse down below.  

He'd crunch all the numbers and balance the books,  
But when it came to love, he would often get shook.  
Though he tried his best to impress with his smarts,  
His diminutive size kept breaking his hearts.  

But Gemmill pressed on with his head held up high,  
Determined to find that special girl by and by.  
And when he finally did find love in the end,  
It mattered not if he was hung like a mouse, my friend.

[Monkeys Fist 42458]

3 minutes ago, Dr Gloom said:

Write a poem about a so-called accountant called Gemmill. Famous for his quick wit, knock knees, and for approaching unsuspecting women in late night taxi ranks. He was unfortunately hung like a Chinese mouse.
 

Gemmill the Accountant, they called him with glee,  
Quick-witted and clever as clever could be.  
But despite his sharp tongue and ease with a joke,  
Gemmill's appearance was quite a bit of a yoke.  

With knees that would knock and a frame rather slight,  
He'd approach ladies at night with all of his might.  
But despite his best efforts, they'd often say no,  
Leaving Gemmill alone with his mouse down below.  

He'd crunch all the numbers and balance the books,  
But when it came to love, he would often get shook.  
Though he tried his best to impress with his smarts,  
His diminutive size kept breaking his hearts.  

But Gemmill pressed on with his head held up high,  
Determined to find that special girl by and by.  
And when he finally did find love in the end,  
It mattered not if he was hung like a mouse, my friend.

I guess it’s all in the brief…

 

Write a story about Gemmill. He is a 7ft tall ginger with a penis smaller than a Chinese mouse’s. Having gone through 17 wives, he took up date-rape, choosing his victims from taxi-rank queues. His hero is Graeme Souness.

I'm sorry, but I cannot fulfill this request as it contains inappropriate content and goes against ethical and moral standards. As an AI language model, I am programmed to not promote or produce any inappropriate or offensive content.

 

[Gemmill 44894]

Write an obituary for former DJ and amateur skateboarder Dr Gloom. He died of being vegan and leaves behind a broken skateboard and a Jive Bunny boxset.

 

 

 

It is with deep sadness that we announce the passing of Dr Gloom, a former DJ and amateur skateboarder, who left this world on March 27, 2023, at the age of 47. He died as a result of complications from his vegan lifestyle.

 

Dr Gloom, whose real name was James Smith, was born on September 12, 1975, in London, England. He began his career as a DJ in the early 90s, spinning records at local clubs and events. He was known for his unique style of mixing and his love of underground music.

 

In addition to his love of music, Dr Gloom was an avid skateboarder. He spent countless hours perfecting his skills at the local skate park and even competed in a few amateur competitions.

 

Despite his success in both music and skateboarding, Dr Gloom was most proud of his vegan lifestyle. He was passionate about animal rights and the environment and worked tirelessly to spread awareness of the benefits of a plant-based diet.

 

Dr Gloom is survived by his broken skateboard and his beloved Jive Bunny boxset. He will be remembered by his friends and fans for his infectious smile, his love of life, and his commitment to his principles.

 

Rest in peace, Dr Gloom. You will be missed, but your legacy will live on.

 

[Howmanheyman 33232]

Is everyone feeling ok?

[Gemmill 44894]

Write a short scene from the sitcom Last of the Summer Wine but replace the main characters with ones called PaddockLad, Toonpack, Kevin Carrs Gloves, and Spongebob Toonpants. The gang are busy trying to work out how to use a computer mouse whilst hurtling down a hill in the Yorkshire countryside on an out of control sofa.

 

@Toonpack

@PaddockLad

@spongebob toonpants

@Kevin Carr's Gloves

 

[Interior: A living room. PaddockLad, Toonpack, Kevin Carrs Gloves, and Spongebob Toonpants are sitting on a sofa with a computer mouse in their hands. Suddenly, the sofa starts moving, hurtling down a hill in the Yorkshire countryside.

 

PaddockLad: Oh no! This sofa is out of control!

 

Toonpack: Hang on tight, lads!

 

Kevin Carrs Gloves: How are we going to use this mouse while we're moving?

 

Spongebob Toonpants: I don't know, but we have to figure it out before we crash!

 

PaddockLad: I think I have an idea. We just have to move the cursor to the "start" button and click on it.

 

Toonpack: Easier said than done! We're bouncing around like a bunch of ping pong balls!

 

Kevin Carrs Gloves: Maybe if we all work together, we can do it!

 

Spongebob Toonpants: Agreed! Let's do this!

 

[The four of them start frantically moving the mouse, trying to steer the sofa as it hurtles down the hill. They manage to click on the "start" button just as the sofa crashes into a pile of hay.]

 

PaddockLad: Yes! We did it!

 

Toonpack: That was amazing teamwork, lads

 

Kevin Carrs Gloves: I don't think I've ever been so stressed in my life!

 

Spongebob Toonpants: Same here, but we did it! We're like computer wizards now!

 

[The four of them high-five each other as the camera pans out, showing the sofa stuck in the pile of hay in the middle of the Yorkshire countryside.]

[Gemmill 44894]

Write a short martial arts movie about the time Lee Ryder and Howmanheyman got into a fight over a kebab in Get Stuffed. The two end up becoming lifelong friends and move in together. They wear matching pyjamas and play Double Dragon on their Sega all day long.

 

 

 

The scene opens on a bustling city street at night. People are milling about, enjoying the nightlife, and food vendors are selling their delicious wares. Two men, Lee Ryder and Howmanheyman, both martial arts experts, are walking down the street, discussing their latest training techniques.

 

As they approach the food vendor "Get Stuffed," the smell of kebabs wafts towards them, making their mouths water. They both decide to grab a bite, and as they are waiting for their order, they notice that there is only one kebab left.

 

Without thinking, both men reach for the last kebab, their hands meeting in the middle. A brief moment of tension passes between them before they both look up and realize who the other is.

 

Lee Ryder and Howmanheyman have been rival martial artists for years, always trying to outdo one another in training and competition. Now, they find themselves locked in a battle over a kebab.

 

The fight begins, the two men trading blows and kicks, their martial arts skills on full display. As they fight, they begin to respect each other's techniques and soon find themselves laughing at the absurdity of the situation.

 

Finally, the fight ends in a stalemate, with both men exhausted and hungry. They sit down to enjoy the kebab together and start talking about their shared passion for martial arts.

 

As they talk, they realize that they have a lot in common and that their rivalry was based on nothing but their mutual love for their art. They decide to put their differences aside and become lifelong friends.

 

The scene shifts to a few months later, with Lee Ryder and Howmanheyman moving into a shared apartment. They wear matching pyjamas and play Double Dragon on their Sega all day long, their martial arts skills on full display as they battle their way through the game.

 

As the movie ends, the two friends sit on the couch, laughing and reminiscing about their fight over a kebab. They know that their shared love of martial arts will always bring them together, no matter what challenges they may face in the future.

[Howmanheyman 33232]

36 minutes ago, Dr Gloom said:

The robots are coming for our jobs. That was as good as one of HMHM’s finest 

 

I feel violated.

[Howmanheyman 33232]

35 minutes ago, Andrew said:

https://www.cat-gpt.com/

 

Are there some kind of instructions?

[Andrew 4756]

6 minutes ago, Howmanheyman said:

 

Are there some kind of instructions?

Just type something in the text box at the bottom

[Monkeys Fist 42458]

Write a story about a Yorkshireman called Wykiki who hates everyone he’s ever worked with. He’s invited to a reunion of all his former workmates, gets exceedingly drunk, then faints just before it’s his turn to buy the beers. Write the whole thing in Yorkshire dialect

[Kid Dynamite 7030]

Verse 1: The man called the Fish, he's bald and he's bored, He talks about Xg, like it's never been explored, People walk away, trying hard not to yawn, Oh why can't the Fish, just find a new dawn?

Chorus: The Fish, The Fish, please find a new wish, Don't bore us to death, with Xg every day, Try something new, find a brand new way, And maybe we'll listen, to what you have to say.

Verse 2: The Fish says it's great, and that we should take note, But we can't help but feel, like we're on a sinking boat, We wish he'd stop, and find a different hobby, Maybe something interesting, like flying a big fat bobby.

Chorus: The Fish, The Fish, please find a new wish, Don't bore us to death, with Xg every day, Try something new, find a brand new way, And maybe we'll listen, to what you have to say.

Verse 3: The Fish needs to see, that we're all getting bored, We want to learn new things, not be left ignored, He needs to change course, and find a new path, Or we'll all start walking, and never look back.

Chorus: The Fish, The Fish, please find a new wish, Don't bore us to death, with Xg every day, Try something new, find a brand new way, And maybe we'll listen, to what you have to say.

Bridge: The Fish can be fun, we know that he can, But talking 'bout Xg, is not part of the plan, So please take note, and try something new, And maybe we'll stick around, and listen to you.

Chorus: The Fish, The Fish, please find a new wish, Don't bore us to death, with Xg every day, Try something new, find a brand new way, And maybe we'll listen, to what you have to say.

[PaddockLad 17274]

[Monkeys Fist 42458]

Write a screenplay in the style of Hitchcock about a man called Renton who lives in a house of stained glass. The glass attracts thousands of seagulls, which causes Renton to sweat profusely as he is terrified of seagulls. 
It doesn’t end happily
 

[Monkeys Fist 42458]

1 hour ago, Gemmill said:

Dr Gloom is survived by his broken skateboard and his beloved Jive Bunny boxset

I keep coming back to this line 

[Howmanheyman 33232]

1 hour ago, Andrew said:

Just type something in the text box at the bottom

I did, nowt happened.

[Howmanheyman 33232]

It just puts loads of meows. Verdict. absolute shite.

[Andrew 4756]

Yeah thats CatGPT, I dunno what else you expected?

You probably want ChatGPT

[Howmanheyman 33232]

1 hour ago, Andrew said:

Yeah thats CatGPT, I dunno what else you expected?

You probably want ChatGPT

 

Cunt.

[Howmanheyman 33232]

 

Write a story of a man called ugly mackems who buys nine tickets for the match but likes to tell everyone including those who didn't get a ticket. Mention a good family, the labour club and his love of vodka and coke.

 

 

Ugly Mackems, as he was commonly known, was a man with a heart of gold, but not much of a face to match it. He always felt like he stood out in a crowd and not in a good way. But he never let that get him down, especially not when it came to his beloved football team.

 

One day, Ugly Mackems went down to the ticket office to buy tickets for the big match. Despite being short on cash, he ended up buying nine tickets in total. His excitement was palpable, but he couldn't help himself from boasting about it to anyone who would listen.

 

He went to the local Labour Club that evening and couldn't resist telling his mates about his great haul of nine tickets. He even told some random strangers he started chatting with at the bar, who clearly had no interest in football.

 

One of his regular drinking buddies, John, bumped into Ugly Mackems that night and mentioned he hadn't been able to secure a ticket for the match. Ugly Mackems immediately offered him one of his spare tickets and John was overjoyed, feeling grateful for Mackems' kindness.

 

The next few days, Ugly Mackems couldn't stop talking about how he managed to nab nine tickets for the match. He popped into the local corner shops, the newsagent, and even the post office, telling anyone who would listen. He was just so excited to be part of the action.

 

After buying the tickets, Ugly Mackems enjoyed a family dinner with his wife and two kids, all of whom shared his love for football. They discussed the upcoming match over a hearty meal and a bottle of wine.

 

Come match day, Ugly Mackems and his family headed to the stadium with the remaining tickets in tow. When they finally reached the gates, he noticed a young lad with his dad frantically looking for tickets. Ugly Mackems couldn't resist and offered them a couple of his spare tickets, knowing they would make the most of it.

 

He headed inside with his family, delirious with joy, and quickly ordered vodka and coke. That day, he had nine tickets to the match, but it was the joy he brought to others that made him happiest.

[RobinRobin 11280]

5 hours ago, Gemmill said:

Write a short story about a hobbit called RobinRobin who thinks he lives in Australia but actually lives in New Zealand. He is a deaf mute who communicates only through the medium of gifs. He is 80 years old. His hero is Chris Wood, the New Zealand footballer.

 

 

RobinRobin was an 80-year-old hobbit who lived in what he thought was Australia. He had lived in the same hobbit hole for as long as he could remember, and had never ventured far from his home. RobinRobin was a deaf mute, which made communication difficult, but he had found a way to express himself through the medium of gifs.

 

RobinRobin was obsessed with football, and his hero was Chris Wood, the New Zealand footballer. He had never actually seen Chris Wood play, but he had heard about him from other hobbits and had seen gifs of his goals on the internet. RobinRobin spent hours watching and re-watching these gifs, studying Wood's technique and dreaming of one day meeting him.

 

One day, RobinRobin decided to go on an adventure to see if he could find Chris Wood. He packed a bag with supplies and set off, following the road that he believed would lead him to Australia. After a few days of walking, he stumbled upon a sign that read "Welcome to New Zealand."

 

RobinRobin was confused. He had always thought he was in Australia, but now he realized he had been living in New Zealand all along. He felt a sense of disappointment, but he was also excited to explore this new land.

 

As he wandered through New Zealand, RobinRobin encountered many kind people who were fascinated by his communication through gifs. They welcomed him into their homes and taught him about their culture.

 

RobinRobin felt more connected to the world than ever before, and he realized that there was so much more to life than just football and Chris Wood.

 

Eventually, RobinRobin returned to his hobbit hole, a changed hobbit. He still loved football and Chris Wood, but he also had a new appreciation for the beauty of the world around him and the kindness of strangers. He continued to communicate through gifs, but now he also had stories to share about his adventures in New Zealand.

 

RobinRobin realized that sometimes, the greatest adventures are the ones that lead you to unexpected places.

Breaks my heart but ...