Coronavirus

[wykikitoon 19996]

The gimps at work on Friday were all giddy at the prospect of some time off work. What they don't seem to understand is our bread and butter are small jobs. When the economy goes tits up basically these smaller jobs will be stopped. They're fucked. 

[Dr Gloom 21868]

5 hours ago, Gemmill said:

The bickering on here is fucking off the charts ridiculous at the minute. Can we stop blaming people on here for the shit that's going on? It's gonna be a shit enough year, loads of awful stuff is gonna happen, people on here are possibly going to lose older family members. If there are people to be enraged with about that, I'm pretty sure none of them are posting on here. 

 

Basically let's not be cunts. Come on here to get away from the unpleasantness, not to perpetuate it.  

Arguing/taking the piss can be therapeutic though.

Fucking know-nowt so-called accountant 

[Gemmill 44559]

Piss taking is fine. Being unreasonably cunty to one another in an effort to win unwinnable arguments, less so. 

Edited March 15, 2020 by Gemmill

[Kid Dynamite 7012]

5 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said:

That’s not what you said fourteen pages ago. 
Would you like me to quote and dissect you, or shall we just agree that I’m right and , as ever, you’re talking out of your hoop? 
 

 

 

 

[Kid Dynamite 7012]

May main concern is if we can’t convince Joe Public not to buy 100 toilet rolls at a time, how the fuck are we meant to convince every retired person to lock themselves in their house for 4 months.
 

I’m not even sure we will manage to keep the majority of people self isolated for 7 days. I know plenty of daft shites will be bored after 3 days and go down the pub for a pint 

[Isegrim 9741]

28 minutes ago, Kid Dynamite said:

May main concern is if we can’t convince Joe Public not to buy 100 toilet rolls at a time, how the fuck are we meant to convince every retired person to lock themselves in their house for 4 months.
 

I’m not even sure we will manage to keep the majority of people self isolated for 7 days. I know plenty of daft shites will be bored after 3 days and go down the pub for a pint 

Free access to pornhub premium is the answer.

[Anorthernsoul 1221]

45 minutes ago, Kid Dynamite said:

May main concern is if we can’t convince Joe Public not to buy 100 toilet rolls at a time, how the fuck are we meant to convince every retired person to lock themselves in their house for 4 months.
 

I’m not even sure we will manage to keep the majority of people self isolated for 7 days. I know plenty of daft shites will be bored after 3 days and go down the pub for a pint 

 

People are still out and about as if nothing is the matter, a mate was in town last night and bars were busy.

[Dr Gloom 21868]

3 minutes ago, Anorthernsoul said:

 

People are still out and about as if nothing is the matter, a mate was in town last night and bars were busy.

Well, that’s the advice from the government. A lot of my mates went to the pub last night and a load more are going for a big walk today. I get the sense they all think my mrs and I are massively overreacting. Perhaps we are. I really have no idea what to do for the best.
 

I dragged my kids out of school on Thursday after my Mrs and I were both instructed to work from home until further notice. I did so half expecting the schools to close this week anyway. But having just watched Matt Hancock on Marr, it doesn’t look like the schools are closing any time soon either and now I’m wrestling with whether to send them back tomorrow. My boy has asthma, a high risk category, but is under 9, a low risk age group. 

[Monkeys Fist 42196]

I get the feeling that as things (rapidly) worsen, Johnson’s “Keep Calm Carry On” approach will be binned by the public. 

[sammynb 3353]

 

[PaddockLad 17158]

[Alex 34953]

 

[Renton 21440]

32 minutes ago, Anorthernsoul said:

 

People are still out and about as if nothing is the matter, a mate was in town last night and bars were busy.

 

I think pubs will be our downfall. It's all very well washing your hands and being careful on your commute to work, but have a few pints and good intentions go out the window. But fuck me, if we ban pubs we're fucked anyway. Even during the Blitz people enjoyed a pint. 

[Renton 21440]

5 minutes ago, PaddockLad said:

I need one of these. 

[thebrokendoll 9152]

just been forced to brave the local tesco superstore, last three normal time, afterwork visits have seen the shelves empty of toilet rolls and it's getting perilously close to having to look for the biggest leaves in the garden. got there 15 minutes before it was supposed to open expecting it to be busier than normal, but not fucking pandemonium.

gridlocked round all tills with folk with trolleys piled twice as high as they're designed for. managed to get a 9 pack of bog roll just before the aisle emptied, briefly toyed with idea of picking up two but decided not to be a cunt. pasta shelves bare as were bizarrely the ones which normally house ambrosia devon custard apart from two tins of the chocolate flavour.

queued for 40 minutes to pay for 9 bog rolls, a jar of alta rica coffee and 2 pints of milk.

fucking country is about to go in to meltdown.

[Alex 34953]

It’s not the time to be buying a pet, Renton

Edited March 15, 2020 by Alex

[NJS 4375]

I usually go to asda on a Sunday morning - not for a big weekly shop but just a curry, yoghurts for the week and toiletries I need - full basket at the most. 

 

Took one look at the car park this morning and came home - fucking madness. 

[Howmanheyman 32890]

15 hours ago, Alex said:

Best idea he’s had since he suggested NUST buy a pub. 

I'm all for buying chickens if it means I get to have sex with a 30 year old Felicity Kendal.

 

 

[Renton 21440]

1 minute ago, Howmanheyman said:

I'm all for buying chickens if it means I get to have sex with a 30 year old Felicity Kendal.

 

 

Felicity, Felicity, you fill me with electricity. A bit like putting your nob in an electric socket.

 

[Excerpt from Rik Mayal poem. Sadly missed. Spot on about FK kind, she was lovely].

[Sonatine 11329]

1 minute ago, Renton said:

Felicity, Felicity, you fill me with electricity. A bit like putting your nob in an electric socket.

 

[Excerpt from Rik Mayal poem. Sadly missed. Spot on about FK kind, she was lovely].

 

Wasn't there a line like "You are like the mint cake.  Cool, fresh and nice to suck"  

[PaddockLad 17158]

 

[PaddockLad 17158]

[Isegrim 9741]

 

[Monkeys Fist 42196]

1 hour ago, Renton said:

 

I think pubs will be our downfall. It's all very well washing your hands and being careful on your commute to work, but have a few pints and good intentions go out the window. But fuck me, if we ban pubs we're fucked anyway. Even during the Blitz people enjoyed a pint. 

We’re fucked then. 

 

[Monkeys Fist 42196]

1 hour ago, Sonatine said:

 

Wasn't there a line like "You are like the mint cake.  Cool, fresh and nice to suck"  

That was in an early draft 

https://www.google.com/amp/s/episodictable.wordpress.com/2013/12/02/the-poetry-of-rick/amp/