Psychology

[The Fish 10855]

32 minutes ago, Rayvin said:

 

So you need big goals and realistic chances of achieving them - small ones which could be seen as stepping stones turn you off certain plans? There's bound to be a term for thinking in this way. Aside from personal psychology, as a group I would argue we're trained to commodify time and measure our successes or failures based on the perception of whether or not what was achieved in a certain period of time was in keeping with the time spent. I think this is why so many non-gamers find it frustrating when their partners are playing video games - the gamer gets something out of it based on the time put in, but it has no tangible benefit outside of their own personal satisfaction, so it's hard for anyone external to consider it time well spent.

 

Not sure it's about time spent, I'm as likely to duck out of something that would take 30min as I will something that will take weeks, should I deem the likelihood of failure to be high.

 

There's definitely a guilt about spending your time playing a game, or doing nothing. Even though there is worth for the individual in finishing a season, or literally doing nothing.

[Dr Gloom 21912]

most people are social chameleons and don't carry on at work the same way they would in the pub, or in certain other social situations. i think that's quite normal.

 

i suffer from a couple of work related anxieties from time to time that i think are quite common: the first is imposter syndrome: feeling like i've somehow managed to trick people throughout my career that i'm more competent than i am and that the reality is i'm a fraud and some day my cheating will be exposed. 

 

the other is never truly being satisfied with any career achievements for long. i'll work hard towards something for a while, but even after achieving a goal, the same anxiety about failing to progress to the next target will emerge. it's a sort of restless anxiety that isn't ever present but will show its ugly face every now and again, usually when i'm trying to get to sleep on a sunday night.

 

it's a weird one because in most social situations i'm self assured. i only really stress about work stuff. i hide it pretty well, i think, but it's definitely there. 

[The Fish 10855]

1 minute ago, Dr Gloom said:

most people are social chameleons and don't carry on at work the same way they would in the pub, or in certain other social situations. i think that's quite normal.

 

i suffer from a couple of work related anxieties from time to time that i think are quite common: the first is imposter syndrome: feeling like i've somehow managed to trick people throughout my career that i'm more competent than i am and that the reality is i'm a fraud and some day my cheating will be exposed. 

 

the other is never truly being satisfied with any career achievements for long. i'll work hard towards something for a while, but even after achieving a goal, the same anxiety about failing to progress to the next target will emerge. it's a sort of restless anxiety that isn't ever present but will show its ugly face every now and again, usually when i'm trying to get to sleep on a sunday night.

 

it's a weird one because in most social situations i'm self assured. i only really stress about work stuff. i hide it pretty well, i think, but it's definitely there. 

 

That resonates. Not just in work situations though.

[Rayvin 5217]

2 minutes ago, Dr Gloom said:

most people are social chameleons and don't carry on at work the same way they would in the pub, or in certain other social situations. i think that's quite normal.

 

i suffer from a couple of work related anxieties from time to time that i think are quite common: the first is imposter syndrome: feeling like i've somehow managed to trick people throughout my career that i'm more competent than i am and that the reality is i'm a fraud and some day my cheating will be exposed. 

 

the other is never truly being satisfied with any career achievements for long. i'll work hard towards something for a while, but even after achieving a goal, the same anxiety about failing to progress to the next target will emerge. it's a sort of restless anxiety that isn't ever present but will show its ugly face every now and again, usually when i'm trying to get to sleep on a sunday night.

 

it's a weird one because in most social situations i'm self assured. i only really stress about work stuff. i hide it pretty well, i think, but it's definitely there. 

 

On the second one you've mentioned, how do you perform career wise relative to your peer group? Just wondering if it's an external pressure or an internal one. Arguably not a bad thing mind you, if you're ambitious and have goals for the future. Admittedly, it does rather make it difficult to ever find a sense of contentment...

[wolfy 12]

18 minutes ago, Rayvin said:

 

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To make it brief, your position is that we're all much of a muchness, and that we simply morph our personalities to fit the requirement we need to meet, in the same way that liquids fill the container they're placed in? I guess I can agree with aspects of that, although obviously some people are more successful at certain things than others, due to their personality and outlooks.

From birth to death we are brain nurtured.

Half of it is against our free will and the other half is our own inquisitive natural nature.

The difference in getting to a stage of being yourself relates to how extreme your upbringing has been in terms of parental ideals and peer pressure.

This is why some people carry a massive chip on their shoulders and why some can appear to almost fit seamlessly into roles of whatever life throws at them.

 

The chained up scrapyard dog will kill you if you encroach on its territory, because that's all it knows, yet it will allow regular faces to interact with it.

The very same scrapyard dog if brought up in a calm and giving household will be much more even tempered and will show a bark worse than the actual bite.

 

I could add on but basically human beings share the same animalistic traits.

It all boils down to how you are trained and how you later train your own mind to become the person you want to become and not the person that people expect that you are or want you to be.

 

 

 

18 minutes ago, Rayvin said:

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I'm probably one of the people you refer to who actively avoids being himself, hence my overeagerness to please other people and to moderate myself. Have always considered it a survival mechanism (and I kind of think it is) because I lack the inherent trust in society that if I am to be 'myself', I will be accepted for it.

The trouble with life in general and the way society is, it's difficult for 99% of people to be themselves, wholly.

Kindness is often taken for weakness.

Fun nature is often taken for stupidity.

Stand alone opinion against mass NURTURED opinion renders a person as an odd ball of society.

We are governed by peer pressure, always.

We are life mimics.

Monkey see, monkey do, kind of thing.

But there's always those monkeys that stand out as being weak or strong or intuitive.

 

The stark reality of life is that most psychological issues aren't exactly massive issues but a requirement to fit an agenda in life.

If every person in the world was everything we'd all like to be, then the world moves on without us in short order.

 

The issues to address are the issues that any person feels they're strong enough to address to try and overcome a good percentage of the issue.

A stutterer may never address the stutter without seeing an avenue to allow it but can control it to a much better degree or actually overcome it by being focused and training their mind.

Same for all life's fixes.

 

Nobody is ever comfortable with themselves or within themselves and that alone is the key for anyone to use as a yardstick to understand that all you have to do is to be comfortable enough to be yourself and work on what you want to work on, not what you're told to.

 

18 minutes ago, Rayvin said:

 

 

Obviously it's not healthy though. I've been thinking more recently that I should maybe start talking to someone about this stuff, as it bothers me to think there's a more well rounded version of myself potentially available to me that I'm simply refusing to allow the existence of by failing to take action over it.

Everyone can be better but you have to know what better means.

Being a better person?

A better friend?

A better work employee or employer?

A better social speaker?

A better listener?

I could go on and on but it's about fully identifying exactly what things trigger the feeling of inadequacy.

[Dr Gloom 21912]

3 minutes ago, Rayvin said:

 

On the second one you've mentioned, how do you perform career wise relative to your peer group? Just wondering if it's an external pressure or an internal one. Arguably not a bad thing mind you, if you're ambitious and have goals for the future. Admittedly, it does rather make it difficult to ever find a sense of contentment...

 

i wouldn't say i've over achieved or under achieved. i've missed out on a number of promotions over the years but i've had period when i've felt like i've progressed at a good lick. but even when things are going well, the feeling of contentment is always short lived. i dunno if that's healthy or not. the anxiety that can sometimes lead to sleepless nights isn't

[wolfy 12]

7 minutes ago, Dr Gloom said:

 

i wouldn't say i've over achieved or under achieved. i've missed out on a number of promotions over the years but i've had period when i've felt like i've progressed at a good lick. but even when things are going well, the feeling of contentment is always short lived. i dunno if that's healthy or not. the anxiety that can sometimes lead to sleepless nights isn't

One biscuit leads to two and then three, then one packet is never enough, because with each regular amount of biscuits comes much less satisfaction that requires just one more.

The end product of it all will be a sudden drop in those biscuits and a massive cold turkey come down.

 

Basically speaking your goals will never be achieved but your ability to chase them will continue until you retire.

[Dr Gloom 21912]

chasing highs. i've been there in my social life too 

[Rayvin 5217]

16 minutes ago, Dr Gloom said:

 

i wouldn't say i've over achieved or under achieved. i've missed out on a number of promotions over the years but i've had period when i've felt like i've progressed at a good lick. but even when things are going well, the feeling of contentment is always short lived. i dunno if that's healthy or not. the anxiety that can sometimes lead to sleepless nights isn't

 

As Wolfy says mind, I kind of think it's normal to always be striving for more. It seems to be hardwired into us. That said, yeah, sleepless nights over it aren't a good thing. Do you have a sense of self worth outside of your career? If you were sacked tomorrow and had to start all over again could you handle it? Cos maybe increasing your sense of value in other aspects of your life would mitigate the stress you feel over this one...?

 

Having said that, I haven't found the answer to 'what makes life worth living' if it isn't 'just keep succeeding'. So what the fuck do I know  

[Dr Gloom 21912]

yeah, i'm pretty self assured outside of work. never stress over anything other than career progression really. the insomnia isn't frequent but does crop up every few weeks, usually just for the odd night 

[Alex 35063]

Disco biscuits

[Park Life 71]

3 hours ago, Dr Gloom said:

most people are social chameleons and don't carry on at work the same way they would in the pub, or in certain other social situations. i think that's quite normal.

 

i suffer from a couple of work related anxieties from time to time that i think are quite common: the first is imposter syndrome: feeling like i've somehow managed to trick people throughout my career that i'm more competent than i am and that the reality is i'm a fraud and some day my cheating will be exposed. 

 

the other is never truly being satisfied with any career achievements for long. i'll work hard towards something for a while, but even after achieving a goal, the same anxiety about failing to progress to the next target will emerge. it's a sort of restless anxiety that isn't ever present but will show its ugly face every now and again, usually when i'm trying to get to sleep on a sunday night.

 

it's a weird one because in most social situations i'm self assured. i only really stress about work stuff. i hide it pretty well, i think, but it's definitely there. 

You sound like Alan Pardew.

[Park Life 71]

2 hours ago, Rayvin said:

 

As Wolfy says mind, I kind of think it's normal to always be striving for more. It seems to be hardwired into us. That said, yeah, sleepless nights over it aren't a good thing. Do you have a sense of self worth outside of your career? If you were sacked tomorrow and had to start all over again could you handle it? Cos maybe increasing your sense of value in other aspects of your life would mitigate the stress you feel over this one...?

 

Having said that, I haven't found the answer to 'what makes life worth living' if it isn't 'just keep succeeding'. So what the fuck do I know  

Every 100 years nearly the whole pop of the planet is replaced and nobody will remember you. /Forgetabouit

[Rayvin 5217]

1 minute ago, Park Life said:

Every 100 years nearly the whole pop of the planet is replaced and nobody will remember you. /Forgetabouit

 

Good point - never been arsed about a legacy myself, but I think it's important to arrive at your death bed and have as few regrets as possible. Although I guess this could be mitigated by arriving at your death bed and working through a bottle of whiskey until you feel better or die. After which, it doesn't really matter anyway.

 

What if you need to feel a sense of success in the moment, as you live through your life?

[adios 717]

I've just started reading Top five regrets of the dying on that subject.

[Park Life 71]

4 minutes ago, Rayvin said:

 

Good point - never been arsed about a legacy myself, but I think it's important to arrive at your death bed and have as few regrets as possible. Although I guess this could be mitigated by arriving at your death bed and working through a bottle of whiskey until you feel better or die. After which, it doesn't really matter anyway.

 

What if you need to feel a sense of success in the moment, as you live through your life?

Just do what you enjoy doing. Success is relative.

[adios 717]

2 hours ago, Rayvin said:

I kind of think it's normal to always be striving for more. It seems to be hardwired into us.

This makes total sense from an evolutionary point of view.  We've been given a rewards system (dopamine) which still has to be catered for no matter what we achieve.

 

I've been very successful for periods during my life and it changes very little ime.

[adios 717]

Just now, Park Life said:

Just do what you enjoy doing.

So much this.

[Rayvin 5217]

4 minutes ago, Park Life said:

Just do what you enjoy doing. Success is relative.

 

What if what you enjoy doing comes with external disapproval, thus instilling guilt and feelings of inadequacy?

[Park Life 71]

4 minutes ago, adios said:

This makes total sense from an evolutionary point of view.  We've been given a rewards system (dopamine) which still has to be catered for no matter what we achieve.

 

I've been very successful for periods during my life and it changes very little ime.

IMO survival is hard wired the rest is learned. I mean it's all displacement activity we aren't running from lions. Life would probably be more enjoyable if we did actually have to run from da lion once a week.

[Park Life 71]

2 minutes ago, Rayvin said:

 

What if what you enjoy doing comes with external disapproval, thus instilling guilt and feelings of inadequacy?

That means you're an artist.

[Rayvin 5217]

Just now, Park Life said:

That means you're an artist.

 

...and what if you don't want to be an artist

[Park Life 71]

Just now, Rayvin said:

 

...and what if you don't want to be an artist

Nobody wants to be an artist mate. You're born with it.

[adios 717]

Born to be a bullshit artist.

[Park Life 71]

Nothing is worth doing unless it meets with disapproval, condemnation and broad spectrum hysteria.