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FEAR THE MIGRANT CARAVAN! They're coming to take your jet skis!
Rex Huppke
 
I hope you’re sufficiently afraid of the caravan of migrants traveling through Mexico en route to the U.S. border.

Fox News and the president of the United States and many dozens of people smart enough to have Twitter accounts say this caravan of thousands of people who don’t look like me should make us all very afraid. Terrified, even.

They’re coming, this “army” of migrants. Could be 5,000 of them, maybe 7,000. Who knows, it might be 1 million. It’s probably 5 million. There’s just no way to know because counting is hard.

The bottom line is this: While alleged “pictures” and “videos” and “reports from journalists traveling with the caravan” show thousands of people, many of them mothers and children, peacefully fleeing violence in Central America, we Americans need to be terrified of them because President Donald Trump wants us to be. The midterms are coming and this is no time to not be scared of a large group of brown people fleeing violence and hoping to build better lives in a country that was recently made great again.

While past Central American caravans have dispersed as they moved north through Mexico, with most remaining migrants turned away once they reached our border, this one is for sure not going to do that and will probably storm the border and immediately start stealing your stuff and killing your pets.

That’s because these migrants are all extremely bad and dangerous people, and the mothers carrying babies as they walk thousands of miles are hellbent on destroying all we hold dear. You can see it in their weary, tear-filled eyes.

Also, as Trump recently noted, the caravan contains “unknown Middle Easterners.” For those of you who don’t speak dog whistle, that means terrorists, which makes sense since terrorists usually try to enter the country via the most visible and highly scrutinized groups of travelers.

When asked by reporters to provide evidence for his claim, Trump said: “You’re going to find MS-13, you’re going to find Middle Eastern, you’re going to find everything.”

And that’s where the real fear, is, folks: everything.

This caravan contains everything you could possibly be afraid of, and that’s why it’s extremely important that you remain in a constant state of totally rational fear, at least until after the midterm elections.

Let me save our president some time by sharing additional scary details about the migrant caravan slowly speeding on foot toward our southern border.

It is now about 1,000 miles away, which is not far if you’re a jet. Traveling at a rate of tired-mother-pushing-a-stroller miles per hour, the caravan will storm our border at any moment about two or so months from now.

Along with a number of terrorists disguised as babies, the caravan includes many people carrying suspicious packages. These so-called “backpacks” or “duffel bags” could contain anything: drugs; anthrax; anthrax-drugs; a phalanx of ISIS warriors; or all of its carrier’s worldly possessions. We just don’t know.

Several of these migrants will seek asylum in our country and, if asylum is granted, will move into your summer homes and claim ownership of your jet skis. That is a fact. You will literally lose your summer homes and jet skis if this caravan isn’t stopped.

Many in the caravan believe a hot dog is a sandwich. At least half of them plan on taking your guns, melting them and forging them into a statue of former President Barack Obama stepping on the Constitution. (Please buy more guns so you can protect your guns from the invading caravan of metal sculptors.)

There are reports of no fewer than six chupacabras traveling with the caravan. These mythical, vampirelike dog-beasts, if allowed into our country, will undoubtedly crossbreed with our native bigfoots and unleash untold terror.

One of the migrants is a Honduran named Osmin. That name means “godly protection,” but don’t fall for it. I have credible evidence that suggests Osmin, if allowed to enter America and start a new life, will one day borrow your weed-whacker and not return it in a timely fashion.

One marcher is a 12-year-old girl who doesn’t believe Hillary Clinton should be in prison. She has killed 17 people because they believed in God. She wants to come to America and start a church that allows humans to marry their pets.

The caravan contains a basilisk, like the giant serpent from Harry Potter. It is a known Democratic operative funded by liberal billionaire George Soros, who is also a basilisk.

Two of the babies have colds. And are probably terrorists.

Several of the younger men in the caravan have been spotted wearing baseball caps, a telltale sign of gang activity. They will absolutely steal your Subaru and initiate your son into their gang by forcing him to murder his sister’s hamster, Fiona.

Five of the marchers think those jeans make you look fat. Seven have a plan to turn America into Venezuela overnight. And 357 of them are paid crisis actors who want to make it illegal for Americans to say “Merry Christmas.”

The entire caravan stops twice each day to kneel during American’s national anthem. Many plan to spread veganism throughout the land and hypnotize Christians with demonically arousing Latin rhythms.

You must fear the caravan. There’s a good possibility that while you were figuring out what to fear most, the caravan took over your northern Michigan lake house, stole your job, turned your children into socialists and let its chupacabras eat your jet skis.

Hurry up and get rationally frightened about this issue, people! The caravan is coming! (In two months.) And you only have until Nov. 6 before President Trump and Fox News move on to something else.

 

 

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/opinion/huppke/ct-met-migrant-caravan-trump-terrorist-rex-huppke-20181023-story.html

 

  • Haha 2
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2 hours ago, ohhh_yeah said:

 

56 year old man from Florida has been arrested for the pipe bombs.

 

Here is his van that he has been driving.

 

63YnmEJ.jpg

 

Must be mental health and Donny will see he gets a pardon. 

 

:lol:

What made the cops suspect him?

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4 hours ago, strawb said:

Don’t know how he had time to make the bombs, what with being a danger to all the local school kids

 

handing out candy before halloween and printing bumper stickers. Do not think they were purchased from a store that had hundreds of them for sell.

 

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Obama:

 

"Whatever your political background, I am hoping you think it is wrong to hear people spend years, months vilifying people, questioning their patriotism, calling them enemies of the people. And then suddenly, you are concerned about civility. Please."

"We do not need more mealy-mouthed elected officials who claim they are disappointed by this bad behavior and then don’t do anything about it and just go along with it."

 

"We need leaders who actually stand up for what is right, regardless of party."

 

   :wub:

 

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Great, but long, read here:

 

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2018/nov/01/trump-rallies-america-midterms-white-house

 

Feel the love, feel the hate – my week in the cauldron of Trump's wild rallies

 

On the eve of the midterms, the most powerful man on earth corrals his troops around two visions of America – one full of hope, the other one much darker – and tests the ground for 2020

 

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On 7/20/2018 at 03:08, Kid Dynamite said:

 

More unbelievable that the blokes working there are actually carrying out their orders as instructed.

 

That's how the Holocaust started ffs

 

 

"When they throw rocks... consider it as a rifle"

 

 

Hopefully the military that he has sent to the border disobey orders.

 

The Nigerian army has already used his new rhetoric as an excuse for killing.

 

 

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-46074719

 

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Taken back the house and picked up some governorships. A good night for the Dems but on par with what was widely expected rather than a real surprise. At least it stops Trump and his crazy ideas for the next couple of years but does give him someone to blame for his woes.

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  • Andrew changed the title to President Biden

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