Newcastle's Utter Fucking Cunts versus Swansea City AFC

[trophyshy 7084]

[Haydnator 45]

2-1

 

Benitez brace and a Sigurdsson pen.

[aimaad22 4222]

 

Watching other football has become painful too now. Teams actually trying and all.

 

Here's to our 'players'

[Howay 12496]

2-0 loss, players will give their usual token effort for the last 20 minutes.

[Rayvin 5297]

Ok so look, we all think we're going to lose. That's a given. If we did win.. Say we win 3-0... Would you come around to the idea of us staying up or would it just be a false dawn?

[trophyshy 7084]

I met a lass called Dawn once, turned out she had a cock.

[Haydnator 45]

But regarding if we win, seeing as how our next games are Manchester City at home and Liverpool away, I doubt we'll see an upturn in results, but I think performances would improve in the next few games if we won. There's something about that Manchester City game that tells me we're going to get something. No idea what it is, whether it's because they play 3 games, including our game, in 7 days, or whether it's because they looked awful against West Brom on Saturday, I don't know. Can't wait to be let down.

[trophyshy 7084]

I'm toying with developing a nasty poppers habit until the season's out.

Edited April 11, 2016 by trophyshy

[Howay 12496]

I met a lass called Dawn once, turned out she had a cock.

:lol:

[sammynb 3508]

I met a lass called Dawn once, turned out she had a cock.

 

She wasn't a false Dawn, that was just morning glory!

 

There's something about that Manchester City game that tells me we're going to get something.

 

Yep, absolutely spanked.

[Noelie 103]

We're at home, St. James' Park the fortress, 50,000 screaming supporters, sure enough we'll lose.

[The Fish 10966]

1-0

 

Not that it matters.

 

All beauty is fleeting.

 

 

“Life is such unutterable hell, solely because it is sometimes beautiful. If we could only be miserable all the time, if there could be no such things as love or beauty or faith or hope, if I could be absolutely certain that my love would never be returned: how much more simple life would be. One could plod through the Siberian salt mines of existence without being bothered about happiness. "

[Holden McGroin 6783]

I'm not sure i'd want to win this. It would then give us a glimmer of hope which will end in crushing disappointment.

[aimaad22 4222]

The joys of supporting this club

[trophyshy 7084]

"They're made out of meat."

 

"Meat?"

 

"Meat. They're made out of meat."

 

"Meat?"

 

"There's no doubt about it. We picked up several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, and probed them all the way through. They're completely meat."

 

"That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars?"

 

"They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from them. The signals come from machines."

 

"So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact."

 

"They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat made the machines."

 

"That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to believe in sentient meat."

 

"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in that sector and they're made out of meat."

 

"Maybe they're like the orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage."

 

"Nope. They're born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didn't take long. Do you have any idea what's the life span of meat?"

 

"Spare me. Okay, maybe they're only part meat. You know, like the weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside."

 

"Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads, like the weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They're meat all the way through."

 

"No brain?"

 

"Oh, there's a brain all right. It's just that the brain is made out of meat! That's what I've been trying to tell you."

 

"So ... what does the thinking?"

 

"You're not understanding, are you? You're refusing to deal with what I'm telling you. The brain does the thinking. The meat."

 

"Thinking meat! You're asking me to believe in thinking meat!"

 

"Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal! Are you beginning to get the picture or do I have to start all over?"

 

"Omigod. You're serious then. They're made out of meat."

 

"Thank you. Finally. Yes. They are indeed made out of meat. And they've been trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years."

 

"Omigod. So what does this meat have in mind?"

 

"First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the Universe, contact other sentiences, swap ideas and information. The usual."

 

"We're supposed to talk to meat."

 

"That's the idea. That's the message they're sending out by radio. 'Hello. Anyone out there. Anybody home.' That sort of thing."

 

"They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?"

"Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat."

 

"I thought you just told me they used radio."

 

"They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat, it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat."

 

"Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you advise?"

 

"Officially or unofficially?"

 

"Both."

 

"Officially, we are required to contact, welcome and log in any and all sentient races or multibeings in this quadrant of the Universe, without prejudice, fear or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget the whole thing."

 

"I was hoping you would say that."

 

"It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact with meat?"

 

"I agree one hundred percent. What's there to say? 'Hello, meat. How's it going?' But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here?"

 

"Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they can't live on them. And being meat, they can only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact."

 

"So we just pretend there's no one home in the Universe."

 

"That's it."

 

"Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you probed? You're sure they won't remember?"

 

"They'll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so that we're just a dream to them."

 

"A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat's dream."

 

"And we marked the entire sector unoccupied."

 

"Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?"

 

"Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen core cluster intelligence in a class nine star in G445 zone. Was in contact two galactic rotations ago, wants to be friendly again."

 

"They always come around."

 

"And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the Universe would be if one were all alone."

[The Fish 10966]

....

 

Sure, there's that too.

[Dr Gloom 22151]

I think we'll labour to a draw. When was the last time we even won? It was so long ago I can't quite remember

[The Fish 10966]

I think we'll labour to a draw. When was the last time we even won? It was so long ago I can't quite remember

West Brom.

 

The game before McClaren should have been given the boot.

[Rayvin 5297]

That story from trophyshy is fantastic. What's it from?

[trophyshy 7084]

http://www.terrybisson.com/page6/page6.html

[trooper 940]

This is the 7 days that sees us off

Saturday Swansea (h) 0-2

Tuesday Man City (h) 1-4

Saturday Liverpool (a) 2-0

[The Fish 10966]

This is the 7 days that sees us off

Saturday Swansea (h) 0-2

Tuesday Man City (h) 1-4

Saturday Liverpool (a) 2-0

YAAANITED!

 

 

[trooper 940]

YAAANITED!

 

 

The Fat Birds just clearing her throat

[sammynb 3508]

The Fat Birds just clearing her throat

 

Fish is a bit of pimms drinking pussy but calling him the fat lady is a bit of a cunt's act!

[The Fish 10966]

 

Fish is a bit of pimms drinking pussy but calling him the fat lady is a bit of a cunt's act!

Know your place, bogan.