Holidays 2024

[strawb 4248]

6 minutes ago, Howmanheyman said:

Still might look into it though.

Honestly, you would be up to it but It’s not exactly the type of job people dream of going into so I get it.

That exam I mention up there is the starting point and honestly the hardest one to pass imo. If you do fancy it and have any questions just let me know mate.

[Monkeys Fist 42412]

51 minutes ago, Howmanheyman said:

 

Not the first to mention that but I don't think I'd be up to it tbh and should've shown more interest in it at work if I was. 

I seriously considered it when I wrapped the abseiling in- what appealed to me was that it deals in absolutes.

Something is either safe or unsafe. 
 

If it hadn’t been for the monstrous opportunities that trucking offers to sate my Sutcliffe’s, I’d probably have gone for it. 
 

1- Chance to play the cunt with management 

2- No physical shite needed

3- Chance to play the cunt with management 

4- Looking after your fellow workers 

5-  Chance to play the cunt with management. 
 

 

[ewerk 30598]

The wife works in H&S and loves it. As strawb says, you’d have a distinct advantage in that you know how things actually work rather than some fuckwit who’s learned it all from a book. But each to their own.

[Ayatollah Hermione 13863]

1 hour ago, strawb said:

Honestly, you would be up to it but It’s not exactly the type of job people dream of going into so I get it.

That exam I mention up there is the starting point and honestly the hardest one to pass imo. If you do fancy it and have any questions just let me know mate.

I might well look into this like. Been in and around warehousing for the better part of a decade and may as well put the experience to some better use 

[Blastronaut 1333]

23 minutes ago, ewerk said:

The wife works in H&S and loves it. As strawb says, you’d have a distinct advantage in that you know how things actually work rather than some fuckwit who’s learned it all from a book. But each to their own.

 

MF: "Fuck what your book says, that fire door needs to open in to the room rather than out. How else am I meant to barricade it from the inside while im disposing of evidence?"

[strawb 4248]

There are loads of niche areas to get into once you are qualified. I have done any “day to day” H&S in about 5 years 

[RobinRobin 11263]

5 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said:

1-5 - Chance to play the cunt (with anyone who annoys me)

MF'dYP 🙂 

[Alex 35077]

10 hours ago, ewerk said:

The wife works in H&S and loves it. As strawb says, you’d have a distinct advantage in that you know how things actually work rather than some fuckwit who’s learned it all from a book. But each to their own.

Bit harsh on your lass there 

[Howmanheyman 33166]

Had a little look and it wouldn't be for me, I didn't think it would but confirmed it. Excel, PowerPoint etc? I left school with two GCSEs and that's it, I'm not management material and never will be. Probably a better chance of Renton's idea tbh.

[strawb 4248]

4 minutes ago, Howmanheyman said:

Had a little look and it wouldn't be for me, I didn't think it would but confirmed it. Excel, PowerPoint etc? I left school with two GCSEs and that's it, I'm not management material and never will be. Probably a better chance of Renton's idea tbh.

You can do it in a classroom with other people and ask questions etc. those programs would be part of certain jobs. Not all 

[Ayatollah Hermione 13863]

11 minutes ago, Howmanheyman said:

Had a little look and it wouldn't be for me, I didn't think it would but confirmed it. Excel, PowerPoint etc? I left school with two GCSEs and that's it, I'm not management material and never will be. Probably a better chance of Renton's idea tbh.

Shite like that is a doddle, mate. Especially PowerPoint. Excel can be made more complicated but, as someone that has to fill out reports on the fucker, it’s more than likely you’ll just be filling in boxes on a template that someone else has laid out and it’ll do all the sums for you

[Alex 35077]

16 minutes ago, Howmanheyman said:

Had a little look and it wouldn't be for me, I didn't think it would but confirmed it. Excel, PowerPoint etc? I left school with two GCSEs and that's it, I'm not management material and never will be. Probably a better chance of Renton's idea tbh.

You’d be fine. I reckon you could easily teach yourself what you’d need to know. 

[Howmanheyman 33166]

Just now, strawb said:

You can do it in a classroom with other people and ask questions etc. those programs would be part of certain jobs. Not all 

 

Just going off a look on a couple of job adverts including an ex-employers advert and also what I see at my current place.  

[strawb 4248]

6 minutes ago, Howmanheyman said:

 

Just going off a look on a couple of job adverts including an ex-employers advert and also what I see at my current place.  

Yeah most adverts will put those on, I do quite a bit of that kind of stuff but I’m in a management position.

 

My advisors don’t really have to use them, or like AH said, fill in forms that I have created which is a piece of piss. 
 

Feel like I’m pressuring you here haha, so just DM me if you have any questions

[Howmanheyman 33166]

3 hours ago, strawb said:

Yeah most adverts will put those on, I do quite a bit of that kind of stuff but I’m in a management position.

 

My advisors don’t really have to use them, or like AH said, fill in forms that I have created which is a piece of piss. 
 

Feel like I’m pressuring you here haha, so just DM me if you have any questions

 

I will do and no pressure coming from your quarter!

[Gemmill 44851]

You could do a beginners course in excel using YouTube and be better than most of the people you'll be working with.

 

I still work with gormless cunts who sit in front of an Excel spreadsheet, tapping things into the calculator on their phone, and typing the answers into excel.

[Howmanheyman 33166]

8 minutes ago, Gemmill said:

You could do a beginners course in excel using YouTube and be better than most of the people you'll be working with.

 

I still work with gormless cunts who sit in front of an Excel spreadsheet, tapping things into the calculator on their phone, and typing the answers into excel.

 

I'm concerned about what and why I'd need to use it for?

[Monkeys Fist 42412]

14 minutes ago, Howmanheyman said:

 

I'm concerned about what and why I'd need to use it for?

Health and Safety stuff 

[Gemmill 44851]

27 minutes ago, Howmanheyman said:

 

I'm concerned about what and why I'd need to use it for?

 

It'll be for dead basic reporting. Tables that add up from top to bottom and left to right. Which genuinely you could learn in a day on YouTube.

 

They'll not be wanting you to do anything flash, I'm sure. Plus you can always come on here and get shown what to do by the experts.

 

Wykiki is a stone cold dummy that is constantly asking questions on the Help forum when he's doing the scoreboards for his dogging league.

[Howmanheyman 33166]

16 minutes ago, Monkeys Fist said:

Health and Safety stuff 

PowerPoint I could understand. 

[Renton 21606]

4 minutes ago, Howmanheyman said:

PowerPoint I could understand. 

 

Okay, make me a PowerPoint presentation about what you don't understand.

 

I used to hardly ever use PP before this job, literally only to do research seminars. It's used loads at my current job, the tool of choice for the professional bullshitter.

 

[Howmanheyman 33166]

6 minutes ago, Renton said:

 

Okay, make me a PowerPoint presentation about what you don't understand.

 

I used to hardly ever use PP before this job, literally only to do research seminars. It's used loads at my current job, the tool of choice for the professional bullshitter.

 

 

In a HSE job I would've thought PowerPoint would be a way of showing a daft picture to say, 'don't do this, do that', no bullshit required when the picture shows the audience. I'm not exactly warming to my potential new career here, mind.  At first I was afraid now I'm petrified.

 

  

[Gemmill 44851]

Everybody at my work is office based and sat at a computer all day, and every single one of them would claim to be able to use PowerPoint and Excel in a job interview.

 

90% of them I genuinely wouldn't consider to even have the basics down in Excel, and in PPT they'd only be able to do pig ugly slides of bullets (basically using it like Word in landscape mode).

 

Genuinely man, don't let the mention of MS Office stuff make you think you shouldn't apply for a job. The people interviewing you will more than likely be barely proficient themselves.

[Renton 21606]

Also, the online tutorials are immense nowadays, anything you can't do, don't ask that knacker Gemmill, just Google it. For PP, MS office 365 literally designs the slides for you as well. 

[Gemmill 44851]

You wouldn't even be able to work out how to phrase your Google search for the kind of shit I pull off in Excel.

 

I like the fact you're using the paperclip lad to do your powerpoints though.

 

"It looks like you're fucking up ANOTHER presentation! Can I be of assistance?!"