McFaul 35 Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 I don't want to sound like a miserable cunt, because this only happens once every few years, but I've felt fuckin depressed today. All I've thought about is losing me fatha and how long it is till I die. My outlook to the future has completely changed in a year as it would for many people with similar circumstances. I keep thinking, what the fuck happens when I die? Is that it? Or do I go to purgatory cleaning some posh mackems windows while I get cracked with a whip for 100 years for my life time offences. 10 days after my massive Op to sort my brain out last year, I had a lot to drink then the next day I collapsed in my future mother in laws house I lost consciousness and it felt like I was dead with nothing else. I was brought round when these ambulance people came. I never used to think about the next life, or is there one, or have I been too much of a cunt in this life to potentially have another one. Maybe this is our only experience of any sort ever and we just don't exist when it comes to our human end. I'll be alright tomorrow, I'm nee schizo, but does anyone else have a few days thinking what's the point in your existence and do you come back as Ghandi or some cunt else in Tibet. I think about who I am a lot. There's plenty people love me believe it or not who aren't even family. I've lost so much though, I am who I am, but I've lost an edge to who I am. I'm slow. Not like Ian Rush thick and slow, but I do things like putting a loaf of bread in a cupboard with my tablets when there's a bread bin underneath. I forget everything. Wor lass telling me to pull me zip up on me jeans in the house, then I'm sat on the bus still flying low. Anyway what I'm saying is when you're someone who now has restricted intelligence, what's the point in who you are, or even worse the many millions worldwide who have down syndrome? Everyone has deep thoughts, but mine lately have been deeper than the lowest part of the Pacific Ocean. I could do with a joint. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Park Life 71 Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 Intelligence gets in the way, I've found instinct a far better resource. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kid Dynamite 7029 Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 Not to be picky, but there's plenty Down syndrome folk who are happy with their lot. You wouldn't be normal if you weren't thinking all of the above. Dying is a scary prospect at our age. Have you had any contact with Macmillan? They will be able to help you out what you are feeling into context. Personally, my advice would be to take the second chance you have and live every day like it's your last. Marry your mrs (God knows she deserves it!) let go of the hate you have for anyone different to yourself and spend everyday doing something you love. If there is a heaven that'll get you in. I warn you though, there's likely to be Mackems, Poles and refugees in heaven too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kid Dynamite 7029 Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 Not to be picky, but there's plenty Down syndrome folk who are happy with their lot. You wouldn't be normal if you weren't thinking all of the above. Dying is a scary prospect at our age. Have you had any contact with Macmillan? They will be able to help you put what you are feeling into context. Personally, my advice would be to take the second chance you have and live every day like it's your last. Marry your mrs (God knows she deserves it!) let go of the hate you have for anyone different to yourself and spend everyday doing something you love. If there is a heaven that'll get you in. I warn you though, there's likely to be Mackems, Poles and refugees in heaven too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 44882 Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 I know it's something we all do, but there's really very little point in worrying about death. If there's a heaven, you're going - even being a terrible twitter wind-up merchant, a serial selfie-taker and the world's worst paedophile-hunter isn't enough to send you to the other place. If there isn't anything after you die, then you have very literally nothing to worry about. If you want to worry about anyone, worry about the people you'll leave behind, but the simple ego-crushing truth is that....they're gonna be fine. They'll have a bit of a hole in their life for a while, but it'll heal over time - never completely but to a point where they're ok. People die every second of every day and the world keeps turning. I think if I had kids, I would worry from a practicality point of view about who would bring them up and teach them the things they need to know, but even they will be fine with a good family around them. So aye, try not to worry about it. We'll have an online seance for you on here if you go before us, because with your psychic powers you're bound to still be making your gob go on the other side. This song came on while I was reading your post btw: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McFaul 35 Posted September 16, 2015 Author Share Posted September 16, 2015 Not to be picky, but there's plenty Down syndrome folk who are happy with their lot. You wouldn't be normal if you weren't thinking all of the above. Dying is a scary prospect at our age. Have you had any contact with Macmillan? They will be able to help you out what you are feeling into context. Personally, my advice would be to take the second chance you have and live every day like it's your last. Marry your mrs (God knows she deserves it!) let go of the hate you have for anyone different to yourself and spend everyday doing something you love. If there is a heaven that'll get you in. I warn you though, there's likely to be Mackems, Poles and refugees in heaven too Dying is a scary prospect and when cunts say 60% die with my condition within 5 years, it drives me mental. Having said that I've been really positive because positivity is the best way to live your life and the best way to beat shitty cancer. I don't need to contact MacMillan. Days like yesterday are what they are. I was a miserable cunt, I used to be like that growing up after every pathetic NUFC performance and maybe they had a knock on effect yesterday. My sister is basically a millionaire, she's one of THE senior psychologists in South London, so she's perfect to talk to when I need to go deep. It's not just having a miserable day though. I probably come across as normal as they come to 99% of people, but I have days where I can't remember fuck all. I feel like an old fucka in terms of my memory. It took me 2 hours and this honestly to remember who sang "Fuck You I Won't Do What You Tell Me", and also remembering it was Fat Boy Slim singing "What the Fuck?". They're little things to people but I used to have a sharp brain and I couldn't even remember where we signed Paul Goddard from all day yesterday. Anyway, today is going to be better because my future isn't set and fuck the odds, I can beat them because I'm a confident arrogant cunt at times just like Warren Barton (who was shite if we're honest). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McFaul 35 Posted September 16, 2015 Author Share Posted September 16, 2015 I know it's something we all do, but there's really very little point in worrying about death. If there's a heaven, you're going - even being a terrible twitter wind-up merchant, a serial selfie-taker and the world's worst paedophile-hunter isn't enough to send you to the other place. If there isn't anything after you die, then you have very literally nothing to worry about. If you want to worry about anyone, worry about the people you'll leave behind, but the simple ego-crushing truth is that....they're gonna be fine. They'll have a bit of a hole in their life for a while, but it'll heal over time - never completely but to a point where they're ok. People die every second of every day and the world keeps turning. I think if I had kids, I would worry from a practicality point of view about who would bring them up and teach them the things they need to know, but even they will be fine with a good family around them. So aye, try not to worry about it. We'll have an online seance for you on here if you go before us, because with your psychic powers you're bound to still be making your gob go on the other side. This song came on while I was reading your post btw: The terrible twitter wind up merchant appeals to far more people than the type of office based character certain people come across as that's for definite. Regarding the kids thing, I can't stop thinking about it. She wants one NOW. I'd be all for it if the psychic is right that I'll be around till I'm 57, especially if it was a little laddie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toonotl 2979 Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 Chin up Stevie. I think its pretty normal to have a mini-crisis/meltdown from time to time, especially given what you've been through this past year and a bit. My advice would be to focus on what is important to you in life, and simply try not to let the rest bother you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meenzer 15531 Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 I've never particularly thought there was anything waiting for us or any grand purpose to life, but an absence of belief doesn't stop you from trying to live like a generally decent person, being canny to others and leaving the place a bit better off than when you turned up. Of course I'm not sure how sitting in front of a computer for most of the day helps me to actually achieve this lofty aim, but that's a different matter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Park Life 71 Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 I'm worried about how many cliches we're going to be able to fit onto this page. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toonotl 2979 Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 Such is life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 44882 Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 I'm worried about how many cliches we're going to be able to fit onto this page. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meenzer 15531 Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 I'm worried about how many cliches we're going to be able to fit onto this page. Wrong thread mate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Park Life 71 Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayatollah Hermione 13869 Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 Should ask Woody Allen about his relationship with his daughter, the dodgy get Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex 35083 Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 The way I see it, there's nothing after you die so there really is nothing to worry about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21924 Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 it's the actual process of death i worry about rather than what may or may not happen afterwards. there must be a moment when you realise, shit i'm a goner here. then you experience whatever pain is associated with breathing your last breath. no one can tell you what that is going go be like, of course, so the fear of the unknown bit has always been terrifying for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21924 Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 i think accepting that death is part of life is part of how we deal with reality. we compartmentalise death at the back of our minds, always aware of its inevitability but we get on with life generally don't give it too much attention. that is until a close friend or family member dies. then our shock and grief surprises us and brings thoughts of death back into focus. but then those thoughts, no matter how painful, will also subside and we carry on with life again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21924 Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 i guess, the point i'm labouring to, is keep your chin up Stevie. you've had an terrible time of late but if you can get through this things will get better and life will start to feel normal again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 30611 Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 it's the actual process of death i worry about rather than what may or may not happen afterwards. there must be a moment when you realise, shit i'm a goner here. then you experience whatever pain is associated with breathing your last breath. no one can tell you what that is going go be like, of course, so the fear of the unknown bit has always been terrifying for me. So, if you're frightened of dying and... and you're holding on, you'll see devils tearing your life away. But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth. Deep. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 44882 Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 The most important thing is to make sure you're wearing clean underpants. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meenzer 15531 Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 No point if you're prone to following through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 44882 Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 "*squeaky holding nose voice* It's what he would've wanted." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 44882 Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 In death, as in life, he's shit himself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin Carr's Gloves 3894 Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 Deep. Jacob's ladder? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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