Expectations and predictions for Season 2014/2015

[Monroe Transfer 0]

Derby will be there or thereabouts.

[trooper 940]

Early cup exits and a mid table finish thats for the coming season & every other season Ashley's got the club.

Think I'll stick.

[BLACKANDWHITEGEORDIE 0]

If we can expect more of last Sunday's fiasco then we will be in serious s**t.

[PaddockLad 17646]

Why do you reckon Leicester will do well?

 

Think your sacking predictions are spot on, fwiw.

 

I'm fairly certain Derby won't be relegated, and I'd say they're a good shout to finish top 5

Derby will be there or thereabouts.

Errr.....have I missed a meeting? Derby were beaten in the play off final by QPR...

[Ayatollah Hermione 14049]

Errr.....have I missed a meeting? Derby were beaten in the play off final by QPR...

 

Parky took them to be relegated, proving that his powers of precognition are on a steep decline, if you ask me.

[The Fish 10963]

Errr.....have I missed a meeting? Derby were beaten in the play off final by QPR...

I was taking the mick out of ADP, I think a lot of people are mistaking Burnley for Derby.

[ADP 0]

 

Why do you reckon Leicester will do well?

 

Think your sacking predictions are spot on, fwiw.

 

I'm fairly certain Derby won't be relegated, and I'd say they're a good shout to finish top 5

 

 

Haha! Shit!! Had tele on in background and Shteve was running his gob. I meant Burnley (unfortunately I think QPR will stay up, especially with Hoddle aboard who, despite his zany warped sinister take on reincarnation, is one of the best English coaches of the last 20 years imo).

 

Leicester - having watched a canny bit of them last season I really rate Nigel Pearson. They were really impressive last year I thought, very diligent and could be ruthless when they needed. They haven't got a great squad and will most likely get a fair few hammerings on the way, but I think they will stay up. He seems quite able to adapt if tactically it isn't working for him. A lot rests on that Ulloa hitting the ground running mind (as Nugent is hardly a safe bet to keep you up), but he can find the back of the net. That Mahrez is a decent player as well. Hope he proves himself in the PL as he seems a canny bloke too. Be a good signing if they can finalise Cambiasso deal.

 

 

They'll miss Heskey though.

Edited August 13, 2014 by ADP

[ohhh_yeah 2991]

 

 

 

@TheBig_Sam

 

Here is my forecast for the final Premier League table of the upcoming 2014/15 Premier League season.

 

1. Man City Top dogs. If this was a dog show theyd be those big fluffy bastards, with shaved hoops, hulking shoulders and lean midriffs. A beast of both elegance and steel. Theyll still flop like big titties in Europe, though.

 

2. Chelsea Mourinho looked bored for much of last season. He had the permanent expression of an impotent man who still gets smug over how big his plonker is. Hes done.

 

3. Liverpool Suarez may be gone, but Raheem Sterling looks to be on the verge of superstardom. He also looks like a baby reindeer. An urban one. I can say urban, cant I? Cant say anything anymore. Dont get me bloody started on the MOBOs.

 

4. Arsenal I like Sanchez. Im convinced hed make a really convincing mildly-attractive woman that gets overrated because of her Latino charm. Thats better than most men can muster. Wengers lot are still soft as shite, though.

 

5. Manchester United Van Gaal will certainly do a better job than Moysie, but thats not really saying much. Iggle Piggle in the centre of the dressing room, standing perfectly still, blank-eyed and swinging a f*cking paddle ball would have inspired that squad more than Davey-Boy did.

 

6. Spurs I really like Pochettinos little face. He looks like the funky dad at school, who wears Converse and listens to 6 Music. Needs a striker, though. Adebayor is an actual slag.

 

7. Everton Barkley signing a new contract was a massive boost for Roberto and co. Ive heard he spends at least 19 hours a day with his mouth open, but you cant deny that boy has stars in his shoes.

 

8. Newcastle Were really getting to the ah, who gives a shit stage of the table now arent we? Some black lad will get goal of the month and ensure Pardew (below) survives another season. As an aside, Henry Winter told me that Mike Ashley can and does milk his own breasts. Dont know why hed lie.

 

9. Stoke I thought they might go down last season, but Mark Hughes proved me wrong, and not for the first time either. I once started a house fire in frustration because he wouldnt believe me that Mike and the Mechanics died on 9/11. He kept calm and took me to one of their gigs in Tamworth. Over My Shoulder was just magnificent that night.

 

10. Hull Brucey has done well at Hull. He knows how to motivate his players. He has this thing called a Brucey Bonus that he delivers in the dressing room straight after a win. Nobody knows what they are, but theyre in there for up to two hours after the game has finished. You can see candlelight if you peek under the door, and theres a faint whiff of incense. You cant hear a sound, though. Im bloody intrigued, truth be told.

 

11. West Ham This is a tough one. Im a dreamer. A dream bloody weaver. I look to the stars before the start of every season, but this season is going to be tough. Im cornered. The owners are holding the Sword of Damocles over my head. Actually, knowing them its probably a big, wobbly dildo. Still f*cking perilous, though.

 

12. Crystal Palace Tony Pulis has one baseball cap that no-one is allowed to touch. He wont say what its made of, but he goes f*cking mental if you ever look at it. I genuinely think its human skin. Hes made Palace a really tricky side to play.

 

13. Sunderland I love listening to Gus Poyet speak. Hes like that guy from the Fast Show. Remember him? The Spanish-speaking guy. Ethethethethetheth, ethehethethetheth, ethethetheth, Chris Waddle! Bloody sublime. Just pure, simple gags week after week. Top notch.

 

14. Southampton Theyve been pillaged this summer like a sleepy village replete with gold and fine, virginal wenches, but theyll still do alright. Can you be a virginal wench? A wench is a slag, isnt it? The complexities of the English language still leaves me in awe. Rich and enchanting.

 

15. QPR Its lovely to see Harry back in the big time. Back where he belongs. Bringing Rio with him too. Thats nice. Like a nice old couple whove gone, hand in hand, to stare out at the ocean one last time. Before they die.

 

16. Swansea Garry Monk looks like a pub landlord with a murky past. Demons. Hell pull you a cracking pint of mild, but his eyes are somewhere else. Darting. Searching. Checking. Someones after him. But who? And more importantly why?

 

17. Aston Villa I once went into an Argos in High Wycombe and 25 minutes later came out with a Soda Stream, a BaByliss keratin hair straightener and a chocolate lolly maker, and it was still a more successful bout of business than Aston Villa have managed this summer. Bellends.

 

18. West Brom Here we are. The last three plops in the potty. Alan Irvine is a very risky appointment. He looks like a friendly but increasingly marginalised local DIY store owner, who watches helplessly as chain stores destroy his very way of life. Theyre gone.

 

19. Leicester The Foxes did well last season, but theyre in with the big boys now. Last season they were feasting on little rabbits and the odd door mouse. Now theyre up against UKIP members on massive f*cking horses, with hordes of shroomed-up beagles baying for their blood. These omnivorous mammals belonging to several genera of the Canidae family are gonna get got.

 

20. Burnley Hardly surprising, but Im picking Burnley to prop up the entire table. They can go back to doing what they do best. Whatever that is. F*cking witchcraft probably. A very odd place. I once went shopping in Burnley while I was at Blackburn, and I met a man who looked just like me, but with a hump and a glass eye. The spitting image he was. Apart from the defects. It really upset me.

[ADP 0]

15. QPR Its lovely to see Harry back in the big time. Back where he belongs. Bringing Rio with him too. Thats nice. Like a nice old couple whove gone, hand in hand, to stare out at the ocean one last time. Before they die.

 

 

 

 

Best set of predictions I've read all summer.

Edited August 15, 2014 by ADP

[Graing 15]

I have us finishing 7th, just behind Liverpool.

 

Chelsea to win the league with Arsenal, Man City and Everton to round out the top 4. Man U and Liverpool to wrestle just above us.

 

I think that Allardyce will be the first manager shown the door with West Ham bringing in Tony Pulis and having a surprising run in the second half to make mid-table.

 

[Park Life 71]

I'm cautiously revising up to 8th for us.

[Gemmill 46027]

I wonder how the global markets will react to this news.

[Alex 35572]

I'm cautiously revising up to 8th for us.

I reckon if you keep making minor adjustments to your predicted final position after every game then, come the end of the season, you won't be too far off the mark

[Christmas Tree 4821]

[Andrew 4857]

This one fish?

[Andrew 4857]

Relegation or close to it with the current squad. If we make some of these signings who knows.

But either way Pardew will be fucking useless as always and I think Ashley will do something else out of left field to piss us off even more!

 

Astonishing accuracy!

[The Fish 10963]

Chelsea to win the league with a couple of games to go, City will be second ahead of Arsenal by some distance. LVG will take Man U to 4th and a cup.

 

Liverpool will struggle to find consistency as injuries stymie the flow of goals.

 

We'll finish 10th and Pardew will survive. We won't get far in the cups, we'll need to buy in January, but be resurgent after we do.

 

West Ham to sack Allardyce +/- 1 month around Xmas and still go down.

Sunderland to fire Poyet with less than 12 games to go and still go down.

West Brom to change the manager fairly early, but be relegated as the bottom club.

 

 

To be honest, I'm quite pleased with this.

[trophyshy 7084]

What, the pretty pattern you've just made?

[Kevin Carr's Gloves 3965]

I think we'll come 18th. We are basically shit, we have a shit owner, a shit manager, a shit squad, and a shit whingey support. We are just fucking shit!

 

I for one have been to my last Newcastle game, baring in mind I've had a season ticket from 1991 to May 2014, I've jacked it and won't go back for years till they're all gone. I've never been more disillusioned with Newcastle than I am now, he could go on Man City style 5 year spending spree, feeling all generous, and I'd still be praying the fat bastard suffers an unrivalled death. HATE him. The club is dead to me.

 

So we'll come 18th in my view, with an average gate of 41,000. It will be the lowest many of us have ever felt. Pardew will blame everything but himself, and still find positive words for "Mike".

 

I think Chelsea win the league purely because of Mourinho, I just can't envisage him not improving them this season. Man City and Liverpool challenging all the way, and a vastly improved Man Utd. I hope Tottenham and Everton have a really shit season.

 

That was wide of the mark.

[ewerk 31195]

[The Fish 10963]

What, the pretty pattern you've just made?

It's quite the display, no?

[Andrew 4857]

 

That was wide of the mark.

 

[David Kelly 1260]

Astonishing accuracy!

Just goes to show Fish should be listening instead of arguing with me!

[The Fish 10963]

Just goes to show Fish should be listening instead of arguing with me!

My predictions had a pretty good hit rate too mind.

 

Also, if I didn't disagree with you, this place would grind to a halt.

[David Kelly 1260]

My predictions had a pretty good hit rate too mind.

 

Also, if I didn't disagree with you, this place would grind to a halt.

No it wouldn't!