What's Currently Wrong With You

[Dr Gloom 22323]

Solidarity Renton. You’re a good egg and shouldn’t beat yourself up too much. You’re a human being man, no one is perfect and we all fuck up from time to time. I’m wired in a similar way to you. I’ve got an addictive personality, I don’t know what an civilised drink means and I’m either all in or nothing. The relentless boozing/partying at this time of year tends to get me down too if I’m honest and I look forward to a period of abstinence/routine and structure in January. 

[Howmanheyman 34179]

Not in the same league as rents but I've had a shit Christmas myself, the daughters got something from the pharmacy they work in which is meant to be good but after taking the full course it hasn't touched it, (I don't think it's got paracetamol, should've ignored them and got them to get cold and flu tablets I asked for, the coughing and fever kicked in last night, feel rough as fuck, just want to sort the place out but I've got as much energy as a siem de Jong shot. No doubt I'll be right as rain come the 2nd January when I'm due an interview in the morning, then back shift at work. I'm also worried my missus will get the flu. I forgot about getting back to the NHS for my flu vaccine.....

 

 

 

[Monkeys Fist 43335]

@Renton

Naturally, you’re beating yourself up because you’ve had a slip. 
 

Thinking about it another way though, it’s some fucking achievement to only have had two blips in the time you’ve been staying off it, I’d say. 
 

So many people can’t do it and end up utterly wrecked by it. 
 

You’re doing more than ok mate, give yourself a little slap on the wrist then don’t dwell on the negatives- it’s done. 
 

Your next period of sobriety starts here. 

 

 

[Renton 22187]

16 minutes ago, Monkeys Fist said:

@Renton

Naturally, you’re beating yourself up because you’ve had a slip. 
 

Thinking about it another way though, it’s some fucking achievement to only have had two blips in the time you’ve been staying off it, I’d say. 
 

So many people can’t do it and end up utterly wrecked by it. 
 

You’re doing more than ok mate, give yourself a little slap on the wrist then don’t dwell on the negatives- it’s done. 
 

Your next period of sobriety starts here. 

 

 

Well that depends on what you call a blip. I had beer on my summer hols most days. It was intentional and no problems. Felt in complete control, never felt ill, 3 or 4 max over an entire night. Was that a blip? Had the odd beer or wine other times too, no issue. But then I started 3 days with good intentions this Xmas and disaster. 

So aye, what J69, Gemmill etc says is right. Clearly I need complete sobriety. But that isn't easy. Cos I do like a drink when Im in control. Not so much when I'm not. And in 3 occasions now I have completely lost control which is actually scarey. But not drinking again ever makes me feel a bit down tbh. 

 

New Years eve will be very hard. January almost certainly guarantees depression for me, that's just a fact, although at least drink will not be a temptation. I've tried antidepressants with disastrous results, withdrawal was horrible. I've tried talking therapies and ended up much worse. The only thing that helps me is walking and listening to stuff. But I'm doing 20000 fucking steps a day now, wearing out my shoes and basically just dont have the time! I guess running is the next step but I don't like running much. And despite all I've said, honestly I think for me drink is the symptom not the cause (although obviously it's a bit of both), because not drinking doesn't cure me (but of course spares me this) 

 

It's just mental health at the end of the day isn't it? I know a lot of us struggle with this, I'm not alone. Hence why Im minded to share my thoughts. 

[sammynb 3589]

Rents, do you have access to medicinal marijuana in the UK?

If so, have you considered it and/or spoke to someone as an alt to anti-depressants?

From the years on here I'd consider you as an anxious person, and possibly you are self medicating to some degree with alcohol, no?

Fuck, listen to me, sorry I'm no expert but you definitely should talk to someone who is interested in more than just giving you anti-depressants.

 

Btw, we've spoken about auto immunes previously, one of the wacky symptoms I get when having a flair up, is really dark moods and agitation with everything. I'm kind of fortunate that I know alcohol makes it even worse but there was a time before I got a handle on it, that the numbness of a serious drink felt like a solution or at least dulled the bleakness, as the inflammation got worse the associated physical pain was too much and it was easier/necessary to give it away but there were plenty of times the craving for that numbness reared its head. The body is a complex and often fucked up thing.

[Howmanheyman 34179]

4 hours ago, Howmanheyman said:

Not in the same league as rents but I've had a shit Christmas myself, the daughters got something from the pharmacy they work in which is meant to be good but after taking the full course it hasn't touched it, (I don't think it's got paracetamol, should've ignored them and got them to get cold and flu tablets I asked for, the coughing and fever kicked in last night, feel rough as fuck, just want to sort the place out but I've got as much energy as a siem de Jong shot. No doubt I'll be right as rain come the 2nd January when I'm due an interview in the morning, then back shift at work. I'm also worried my missus will get the flu. I forgot about getting back to the NHS for my flu vaccine.....

 

 

 

 

I had a bad sleep and having read this post again it makes Lee Ryder's prose look like Oscar Wilde.

[Kid Dynamite 7242]

https://selfhelp.cntw.nhs.uk/self-help-guides/alcohol-and-you/print/353
 

Some links at the bottom of here for books/websites that might be helpful. None of it is revolutionary stuff, but sometimes it's helpful to see it written down 

Edited December 28, 2024 by Kid Dynamite

[Dr Gloom 22323]

4 hours ago, Renton said:

Well that depends on what you call a blip. I had beer on my summer hols most days. It was intentional and no problems. Felt in complete control, never felt ill, 3 or 4 max over an entire night. Was that a blip? Had the odd beer or wine other times too, no issue. But then I started 3 days with good intentions this Xmas and disaster. 

So aye, what J69, Gemmill etc says is right. Clearly I need complete sobriety. But that isn't easy. Cos I do like a drink when Im in control. Not so much when I'm not. And in 3 occasions now I have completely lost control which is actually scarey. But not drinking again ever makes me feel a bit down tbh. 

 

New Years eve will be very hard. January almost certainly guarantees depression for me, that's just a fact, although at least drink will not be a temptation. I've tried antidepressants with disastrous results, withdrawal was horrible. I've tried talking therapies and ended up much worse. The only thing that helps me is walking and listening to stuff. But I'm doing 20000 fucking steps a day now, wearing out my shoes and basically just dont have the time! I guess running is the next step but I don't like running much. And despite all I've said, honestly I think for me drink is the symptom not the cause (although obviously it's a bit of both), because not drinking doesn't cure me (but of course spares me this) 

 

It's just mental health at the end of the day isn't it? I know a lot of us struggle with this, I'm not alone. Hence why Im minded to share my thoughts. 

exercise is your friend. 100%. 

 

half my mates are on antidepressants or in therapy, or both. It’s a good way to keep the demons at bay. For me, training helps provide “balance”.  I could probably do with the former too but unlike you I’m too afraid to admit I have addiction problems. Mainly because a life without occasionally getting of my nut is too depressing to contemplate. It’s a crutch I’m not prepared to let go. I’m addicted to exercise too but at least it’s a positive thing to channel that part of my personality into. Lean into it. 

 

Total abstinence is the only workable solution for some people. It may be that is the case for you, it may not. From what you described, I don’t think it’s as bad as you think it is and that you actually sound like you’re fully aware that you have a problem with addiction and are doing very well at managing the situation.

 

Things are rarely as bad as they seem inside your own head man. Hangxiety doesn’t help with that either. I’ve been through a bit this year which has helped me come to terms with that. We’re all our own worst critics when the reality is the people who we worry we might have offended aren’t giving half as much headspace to our actions.
 

Just keep on trying and don’t beat yourself up too much when you fall off the wagon. And remember you always have this group of faceless online friends to sound off to. 

[Gemmill 46672]

I think the unfortunate, uncomfortable truth is that genuine alcoholics can't just have the odd one or two and be in control of it. And if you set out to try and do that, then the inevitable outcome will sooner or later be another three or four day bender that started with the intention of just having one or two and being in control of it. 

 

Complete abstinence has to be the goal. Even that comes with no guarantees, but it's at least an acceptance of the reality of the situation. 

 

Apologies if I sound like a pontificating cunt, but there you go. 

[Dr Gloom 22323]

 

1 hour ago, Gemmill said:

I think the unfortunate, uncomfortable truth is that genuine alcoholics can't just have the odd one or two and be in control of it. And if you set out to try and do that, then the inevitable outcome will sooner or later be another three or four day bender that started with the intention of just having one or two and being in control of it. 

 

Complete abstinence has to be the goal. Even that comes with no guarantees, but it's at least an acceptance of the reality of the situation. 

 

Apologies if I sound like a pontificating cunt, but there you go. 

 

I think that depends if you’re physically addicted, or not. You’re right, of course, that going teetotal might be the only solution for some problem drinkers. High functioning alcoholics (I imagine there are several of us on this board) might also opt for total abstinence, but some might try and regulate their behaviour instead. 

[Gemmill 46672]

Going over the top when you have a drink is not the same as being an alcoholic. If you're not addicted, you're not an alcoholic. 

 

An alcoholic spends a week in a hospital bed being pulled back from the brink and goes home via the off licence. We're not talking about someone who doesn't trust themselves not to go daft on a night out. 

[Dr Gloom 22323]

13 minutes ago, Gemmill said:

Going over the top when you have a drink is not the same as being an alcoholic. If you're not addicted, you're not an alcoholic. 

 

An alcoholic spends a week in a hospital bed being pulled back from the brink and goes home via the off licence. We're not talking about someone who doesn't trust themselves not to go daft on a night out. 

I disagree. There are different severities of alcoholism. For those who can’t get out of bed without a drink, total abstinence is the only answer. For others, behaviour change might be a solution.

[Gemmill 46672]

I think it trivialises alcoholism when you lump in people who just don't know their limit on a night out. Or who like a binge both nights on a weekend. 

 

Anyway we're not gonna agree, and it's not really the point. 

[Dr Gloom 22323]

22 minutes ago, Gemmill said:

I think it trivialises alcoholism when you lump in people who just don't know their limit on a night out. Or who like a binge both nights on a weekend. 

 

Anyway we're not gonna agree, and it's not really the point. 

I’m not trivialising anything. My life and the lives of many people close to me have been touched by addiction. Google alcoholism - it doesn’t just mean physical addiction, which is the absolute worst form of the disease. Problem drinking that leads to destructive outcomes is also a form of alcoholism  

[Renton 22187]

2 hours ago, Dr Gloom said:

I’m not trivialising anything. My life and the lives of many people close to me have been touched by addiction. Google alcoholism - it doesn’t just mean physical addiction, which is the absolute worst form of the disease. Problem drinking that leads to destructive outcomes is also a form of alcoholism  

 

I think your both right tbh. Physical addiction means withdrawals. When I ended up in hospital I was certainly close to that. Or I felt I was, but I wasn't. My electrolytes were shot to shit and my heart wasn't functioning properly, it was horrific. Mainly potassium depletion. The docs told me even then though that I was definitely not physically dependent - you need more than 2 weeks for that, and need to drink a lot more, I had just basically abused my body and a lot of my symptoms were starvation. I hadn't eaten in 2 weeks. Almost at all. Insane dangerous period of my life when I fell apart completely. 

They were brilliant fixing me up but ateod not interested or equipped to do the MH stuff I later needed and didn't get. Later had all the scans and blood tests and I'm okay. Better than average I fact as one poster once said.

Physical dependency is terrifying, from what I've read. I really pity those souls.  Behavioural problems/psychological dependence/addiction are also truly bad, though imo not in the same league. Those (physically dependent) people have to drink to live, if they don't, they might well die in agony. Fucking hell. Seizures, delirium tremors, strokes, brain haemorrhage. Lives completely revolved around acquiring drink so you don't literally die. And death through liver failure is coming for you anyway. And stopping in that state is nigh on impossible with the lack of service here. 

But in the binge state, you can end up dead pretty quickly if you do something stupid and still otherwise wreck your life. And worse, others. And that's where I am at. 

It's an interesting discussion anyway. I'm okay for now I think, I'll repeat I don't want to be having this discussion (personally I mean) in 2025. I think Smart recovery might be my next port of call. Seems to be the best option from what I can make out (for abstinence or professional moderation). I'll keep an occasional update on here. 

 

 

Edited December 28, 2024 by Renton

[Meenzer 15789]

40 minutes ago, Renton said:

 

 I think Smart recovery might be my next port of call. Seems to be the best option from what I can make out (for abstinence or professional moderation). 

 

 

Yeah, I think their science-guided approach should suit the way you think about things quite well. And if nothing else, it'll get you used to talking about things out loud and examining your actions with a bit of rational distance (as indeed you already do when you're not bogged down in it all), which can be really helpful in terms of internalising this stuff. Whatever you end up doing next, I really hope it gets you a step or two forward, you deserve a good run.

[scoobos 298]

Gout.. 

Lovely.

[RobinRobin 11709]

1 hour ago, scoobos said:

Gout.. 

Lovely.

🙂 

[Gemmill 46672]

Came off the last antibiotics cos they gave me pain in my hands and feet - as if I'd been out having a bare hands snowball fight for an hour, that sort of hot, itchy palms feeling but in the soles of my feet too. Lovely. 

 

So I'm now on a different kind. Not as strong and, on the doc's advice I left it a couple of days to see if symptoms returned. So I'm not exactly back to square one, but definitely no longer feel fixed. 

[Howmanheyman 34179]

I'm coming out of my flu, it's definitely not as bad although I've still got the the remnants of a cough that is actually hurting my chest. Anyway, it seems on it's way out now after spoiling Christmas totally but today, and yesterday I'm starting to get peer pressure to go for an all dayer down shields being called all sorts if I don't go and stick from the missus for even mentioning/considering it. (I just said if I felt completely better I'd go out but that's enough for her to think I'm definitely out on the piss despite me insisting I'd have to be tip top to go out on the piss). So now I'm kind of huffing mates and the wife. As the housemartins once said, 'fun, fun, fun....fun, fun, fun'. It literally never starts.

[Christmas Tree 4907]

28 minutes ago, Howmanheyman said:

I'm coming out of my flu, it's definitely not as bad although I've still got the the remnants of a cough that is actually hurting my chest. Anyway, it seems on it's way out now after spoiling Christmas totally but today, and yesterday I'm starting to get peer pressure to go for an all dayer down shields being called all sorts if I don't go and stick from the missus for even mentioning/considering it. (I just said if I felt completely better I'd go out but that's enough for her to think I'm definitely out on the piss despite me insisting I'd have to be tip top to go out on the piss). So now I'm kind of huffing mates and the wife. As the housemartins once said, 'fun, fun, fun....fun, fun, fun'. It literally never starts.

You’re too old for that carry on. Have a sherry and be happy.

[wykikitoon 21143]

46 minutes ago, Gemmill said:

Came off the last antibiotics cos they gave me pain in my hands and feet - as if I'd been out having a bare hands snowball fight for an hour, that sort of hot, itchy palms feeling but in the soles of my feet too. Lovely. 

 

So I'm now on a different kind. Not as strong and, on the doc's advice I left it a couple of days to see if symptoms returned. So I'm not exactly back to square one, but definitely no longer feel fixed. 

Wow never heard of that side effect. That sounds nasty. Hopefully these get you over the line and you can soon have a cheeky bum wank again. 

[Christmas Tree 4907]

Nothing wrong with me but I hate this time of year. The main event is over and NYE is for the young and it’s just an endless period of people being off with nowt much to do and crappy weather.

 

Everything is a little out of sync and I don’t like it.  Bored with food, bored with football on the wrong days, bored with bin men on the wrong days. Roll on Spring

[Christmas Tree 4907]

49 minutes ago, Gemmill said:

Came off the last antibiotics cos they gave me pain in my hands and feet - as if I'd been out having a bare hands snowball fight for an hour, that sort of hot, itchy palms feeling but in the soles of my feet too. Lovely. 

 

So I'm now on a different kind. Not as strong and, on the doc's advice I left it a couple of days to see if symptoms returned. So I'm not exactly back to square one, but definitely no longer feel fixed. 

Antibiotics my arse, it’s all that sitting their in your house coat, drumming with your hands and tapping your feet while recreating the sounds of your youth on your drum machine  

[Gemmill 46672]

Just now, wykikitoon said:

Wow never heard of that side effect. That sounds nasty. Hopefully these get you over the line and you can soon have a cheeky bum wank again. 

 

There's worse than that on the list for this antibiotic. Mental health problems, including suicidal thoughts for one - it specifically says you will not realise this is happening, so it's essential you inform friends and family you're on these tablets, so they can spot the behavioural changes. 

 

Also tendinopathy. 

 

It also helpfully says that some of this may be permanently disabling and may not even come on until months after you've stopped taking them. I mean fucking hell.

 

When I told the doc what was happening to me, he tried to convince me to just stick with them, until I pointed out that this side effect was one of the ones in the bold boxed off section on the guidance, which specifically said stop taking them immediately and contact the doctor. 

 

He then goes "well hopefully the thing with your hands and feet clears up then". Aye hopefully.