Dr Gloom 21306 Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 5 hours ago, wykikitoon said: Fuck me. Last 3 days I have been completely wiped out with some norovirus. Monday didn't feel beauty, went for a ride with a mate, steady away social and a laugh. Got back felt ropey. Had a shower sat down to watch some TV then for the next 2h was backwards and forwards from the bog throwing up. Tuesday couldn't eat a thing. Could only sip water. Yesterday managed some toast and a cuppa but even that felt hard work. I'm back in the office today feeling more human, but still not beauty. Thankfully I wasn't shitting like a bastard too like. i'm sure your colleagues are chuffed you made the effort to come in and infect them 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21306 Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 4 hours ago, Howmanheyman said: I was in hospital last night, have some virus that is causing mayhem with my stomach and I've had a constant fever with it, still have. The shivering is the worst. Had to rush to the toilet after I got back home around one in the morning for yet more more diarrhea after I'd managed to fall asleep, almost felt an involuntary fart was a bit wet in the dark. This morning, in the light, the wall next to my bed looked like Bobby Sands cell! Never had anything like this before. As I was struggling to get out of bed doubled over the involuntary fart must've flew out at a very high velocity and hit the wall about a metre away. It wasn't a nice sight I'll be honest. fucking hell, absolute savages 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 41340 Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 3 hours ago, Howmanheyman said: Allardyce bog buster level I'd guess? Pint of Gravy? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 41340 Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 2 hours ago, Dr Gloom said: fucking hell, absolute savages If I’ve learned anything from my time on this place it’s that “ wuh aal shit and piss the same” ( courtesy of Phstevie).… …Except when HMHM takes interior decorating to Laurence Llewelyn-Bowel levels. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 10430 Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 2 hours ago, Ayatollah Hermione said: I’m also creased at HMHM projectile shitting all over the bedroom wall The smell alone must have been fantastic. Mind, I once had a really bad pain in my gut so rushed to the chod bin and was disappointed that it was only a massive fart. Decided to check anyway and the pan looked like the battle of the Somme. To this day, I don’t know how I didn’t feel it flying out but the fart must have propelled it out at some pace Remember feeling a pain in my gut on the bus home from school. Got worse as I walked home, was bent double by the time I got to my neighbours who was in his garden, he helped me inside the house. Mam very quickly diagnosed a burst appendix and called the Ambulance. Got loaded into the back and just as we went over a speed bump I ripped the biggest fart I've managed to this day. Mortifying. Still had to go to the hospital "just to be sure". Convinced that it was just so the paramedics could point me out to the nurses and have a good fucking laugh. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 20442 Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 44 minutes ago, The Fish said: Remember feeling a pain in my gut on the bus home from school. Got worse as I walked home, was bent double by the time I got to my neighbours who was in his garden, he helped me inside the house. Mam very quickly diagnosed a burst appendix and called the Ambulance. Got loaded into the back and just as we went over a speed bump I ripped the biggest fart I've managed to this day. Mortifying. Still had to go to the hospital "just to be sure". Convinced that it was just so the paramedics could point me out to the nurses and have a good fucking laugh. You should have been sued for waste of NHS resources. Nobody ever died of a broken fart. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 41340 Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 In other news, Mt. Kilauea has erupted on Hawaii. Here’s the special webcam set up for @Howmanheyman 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 31657 Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 4 hours ago, Ayatollah Hermione said: I’m also creased at HMHM projectile shitting all over the bedroom wall The smell alone must have been fantastic. Mind, I once had a really bad pain in my gut so rushed to the chod bin and was disappointed that it was only a massive fart. Decided to check anyway and the pan looked like the battle of the Somme. To this day, I don’t know how I didn’t feel it flying out but the fart must have propelled it out at some pace Honestly, the fart that caused the IRA fresco just seemed a bog standard fart of no power or consequence at all. My arse must have a built-in silencer? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 41340 Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 37 minutes ago, Howmanheyman said: My arse must have a built-in silencer? 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 10711 Posted June 9, 2023 Share Posted June 9, 2023 At least the roses should be alright HMHM 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ohhh_yeah 2884 Posted June 9, 2023 Share Posted June 9, 2023 Went into work today to collect overtime. We have three bathrooms. One for men, one for women, and one who identifies as they and/or them. Staff was going on break for lunch and could not get into the latter bathroom. The next set of staff went on break. Still the door was locked. Maintenance finally entered to find a 24 year old co-worker with a heroin needle in his leg and deceased. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 20442 Posted June 9, 2023 Share Posted June 9, 2023 Fucking hell. That's horrific, thoughts for him, his family, and the people who found him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 31657 Posted June 9, 2023 Share Posted June 9, 2023 No shit decorating the wall last night, this time it was blood decorating the tiles in the bathroom as I collapsed. Fucking sick of this bug whatever it is. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 10711 Posted June 9, 2023 Share Posted June 9, 2023 Hope the blood was not coming from the same place 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 31657 Posted June 9, 2023 Share Posted June 9, 2023 Just now, RobinRobin said: Hope the blood was not coming from the same place No, it was my brow hitting the tiles at a high velocity. I could hear the wife then was thinking why am I lying down looking at the tiles on the floor for a second till I realised. Horrible night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 42689 Posted June 9, 2023 Share Posted June 9, 2023 Hope it turns around for you soon. Sounds like a bad one. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 10711 Posted June 9, 2023 Share Posted June 9, 2023 4 minutes ago, Howmanheyman said: No, it was my brow hitting the tiles at a high velocity. I could hear the wife then was thinking why am I lying down looking at the tiles on the floor for a second till I realised. Horrible night. Did you kick a black cat into a mirror under a ladder? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21306 Posted June 9, 2023 Share Posted June 9, 2023 29 minutes ago, ohhh_yeah said: Went into work today to collect overtime. We have three bathrooms. One for men, one for women, and one who identifies as they and/or them. Staff was going on break for lunch and could not get into the latter bathroom. The next set of staff went on break. Still the door was locked. Maintenance finally entered to find a 24 year old co-worker with a heroin needle in his leg and deceased. jesus, that's dark Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21306 Posted June 9, 2023 Share Posted June 9, 2023 11 minutes ago, Howmanheyman said: No, it was my brow hitting the tiles at a high velocity. I could hear the wife then was thinking why am I lying down looking at the tiles on the floor for a second till I realised. Horrible night. jeez - get well soon man 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ohhh_yeah 2884 Posted June 9, 2023 Share Posted June 9, 2023 2 minutes ago, Dr Gloom said: jesus, that's dark Factory is now shut down for two days. I am not sure the remorse is going to override the sadness aspect. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 41340 Posted June 9, 2023 Share Posted June 9, 2023 51 minutes ago, Howmanheyman said: No, it was my brow hitting the tiles at a high velocity. I could hear the wife then was thinking why am I lying down looking at the tiles on the floor for a second till I realised. Horrible night. Oof! However, if you didn’t say “ Laterz, Lolz!” as you headed towards the floor I’m going to be severely disappointed in you. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 10430 Posted June 9, 2023 Share Posted June 9, 2023 1 hour ago, Howmanheyman said: No, it was my brow hitting the tiles at a high velocity. I could hear the wife then was thinking why am I lying down looking at the tiles on the floor for a second till I realised. Horrible night. You thought about maybe not drinking when you're feeling under the weather? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 19343 Posted June 9, 2023 Share Posted June 9, 2023 Jesus HMHM. Hope you're better soon! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 41340 Posted June 12, 2023 Share Posted June 12, 2023 Inspired by last week’s eruption in Walkergate, I went down the rabbit of one of my favourite subjects- volcanoes. Found this picture of Mt.St.Helens erupting, taken from Mt. Adams. There’s just seconds between the two photos. Also, Mt. Adam’s is almost 40 miles away from Mt. St. Helens. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 31657 Posted June 12, 2023 Share Posted June 12, 2023 On 09/06/2023 at 13:24, wykikitoon said: Jesus HMHM. Hope you're better soon! Gastroenteritis, still fucking got it and I'm on a week's 'holiday' now and it's completely ruined the plans for my youngest daughter's 18th tomorrow which she's been looking forward to for ages. Gutted. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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