Andrew 4755 Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 What are you doing back in an office if you're not right?! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 30616 Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 Something to moan about, isn't it? 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 20150 Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 I feel alright today. Just tired. I am doing a full day, already agreed with the gaffer 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33231 Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 I was in hospital last night, have some virus that is causing mayhem with my stomach and I've had a constant fever with it, still have. The shivering is the worst. Had to rush to the toilet after I got back home around one in the morning for yet more more diarrhea after I'd managed to fall asleep, almost felt an involuntary fart was a bit wet in the dark. This morning, in the light, the wall next to my bed looked like Bobby Sands cell! Never had anything like this before. As I was struggling to get out of bed doubled over the involuntary fart must've flew out at a very high velocity and hit the wall about a metre away. It wasn't a nice sight I'll be honest. 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33231 Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 Luckily the wife's into new age art so I'm in the good books. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42456 Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 So, technically, you haven’t shit the bed but you have shit the bedroom wall? Cock-eyed Mala would be proud. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33231 Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 It's our new bedroom feature called 'Dirty Protest'. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42456 Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 We need a “Dulux” colour name, and an actual colour name tbh. Dulux- “ Home Baked Biscuit “ Actual- “ Shitewater”. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 44888 Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 You dirty cunt. What sort of a maniac does nudey sleeping with the shits too? That is outrageous. Hope you feel better soon, brown mist boy. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42456 Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 Just now, Gemmill said: You dirty cunt. What sort of a maniac does nudey sleeping with the shits too? That is outrageous. Hope you feel better soon, brown mist boy. Tell us you wear adult nappies without telling us you wear adult nappies. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33231 Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 7 minutes ago, Gemmill said: You dirty cunt. What sort of a maniac does nudey sleeping with the shits too? That is outrageous. Hope you feel better soon, brown mist boy. Force of habit plus I've never had a problem making the toilet or cleaning myself properly. First time anything like this has ever happened, never shit myself or anything like that. I've felt better it has to be said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42456 Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 3 minutes ago, Howmanheyman said: I've never had a problem… cleaning myself properly Good on you for making a stand… … A STAND!!!! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33231 Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 22 minutes ago, Gemmill said: You dirty cunt. What sort of a maniac does nudey sleeping with the shits too? That is outrageous. Hope you feel better soon, brown mist boy. Good point though, I'll put some hondacrackas on just in case tonight. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 20150 Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 I'm fucking creased at that Absolutely creased 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33231 Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 1 minute ago, wykikitoon said: I'm fucking creased at that Absolutely creased Pleased I've eased your pain with my own medical trauma, and indeed, art. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaddockLad 17274 Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 1 hour ago, Howmanheyman said: I was in hospital last night, have some virus that is causing mayhem with my stomach and I've had a constant fever with it, still have. The shivering is the worst. Had to rush to the toilet after I got back home around one in the morning for yet more more diarrhea after I'd managed to fall asleep, almost felt an involuntary fart was a bit wet in the dark. This morning, in the light, the wall next to my bed looked like Bobby Sands cell! Never had anything like this before. As I was struggling to get out of bed doubled over the involuntary fart must've flew out at a very high velocity and hit the wall about a metre away. It wasn't a nice sight I'll be honest. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42456 Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 21 minutes ago, Howmanheyman said: Pleased I've eased your pain with my own medical trauma, and indeed, fart. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 21627 Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 1 hour ago, Monkeys Fist said: We need a “Dulux” colour name, and an actual colour name tbh. Dulux- “ Home Baked Biscuit “ Actual- “ Shitewater”. Alternative- "Howmanheymana'veshitmeself". HMHM, loperamide (diocalm) is your saviour. Less than a quid for 6 down the B&M in the forum. 👍 1 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex 35083 Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 1 hour ago, Monkeys Fist said: Dulux- “ Home Baked Biscuit “ 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33231 Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 28 minutes ago, Renton said: Alternative- "Howmanheymana'veshitmeself". HMHM, loperamide (diocalm) is your saviour. Less than a quid for 6 down the B&M in the forum. 👍 The wife will have some but I think I'd rather get it out, not that there's much coming out, I had one sandwich yesterday, had cornflakes before I turned in, had a slice of toast and just had some broccoli soup so I'm not exactly filling the void up. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 20150 Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 I haven't had a shit since Sunday night! Fuck knows what that's gonna be like when that comes out! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33231 Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 2 minutes ago, wykikitoon said: I haven't had a shit since Sunday night! Fuck knows what that's gonna be like when that comes out! Allardyce bog buster level I'd guess? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OTF 7295 Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 "Involuntary fart was a bit wet in the dark". Modern day Shakespeare. Thanks for the laugh, hope your.. shit.. gets sorted soon! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 11280 Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayatollah Hermione 13869 Posted June 8, 2023 Share Posted June 8, 2023 I’m also creased at HMHM projectile shitting all over the bedroom wall The smell alone must have been fantastic. Mind, I once had a really bad pain in my gut so rushed to the chod bin and was disappointed that it was only a massive fart. Decided to check anyway and the pan looked like the battle of the Somme. To this day, I don’t know how I didn’t feel it flying out but the fart must have propelled it out at some pace 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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