Help needed from the thinkers on the board.

[Kevin Carr's Gloves 3894]

Ok I have started writing a book because I always wanted to.

 

I have started putting what I have written here on fan fiction https://www.fanfiction.net/story/story_tab_list.php

 

It is fantasy adventure aimed at young adults / older kids.

 

Regardless of wether the book is any good or extreme dogsh*t the title is absolute bollocks and I need a new one.

 

Can anyone think of a decent title. I am expecting perhaps one good one out of the usual crap.

 

Cheers.

[Gemmill 44888]

What's it about. And what's it currently called - that link takes me to a age I need to login to, do we need an account to view it?

[Howmanheyman 33229]

Ok I have started writing a book because I always wanted to.

 

I have started putting what I have written here on fan fiction https://www.fanfiction.net/story/story_tab_list.php

 

It is fantasy adventure aimed at young adults / older kids.

 

Regardless of wether the book is any good or extreme dogsh*t the title is absolute bollocks and I need a new one.

 

Can anyone think of a decent title. I am expecting perhaps one good one out of the usual crap.

 

Cheers.

Good luck, always fancied doing this myself.

[Kevin Carr's Gloves 3894]

What's it about. And what's it currently called - that link takes me to a age I need to login to, do we need an account to view it?

 

Pre book intro.

 

Set many hundreds of years in the future after a natural disaster brought human civilization to its knees and set development back to the dark ages. This is a story of a young girl who is taken from her home and forced to travel hundreds of miles hunted by dark forces through hostile territory to deliver her brother to his and her destiny.

 

I can send a copy of what I have written to anyone interested.

Edited December 31, 2013 by Kevin Carr's Gloves

[Rayvin 5223]

Yeah, you need an account to view it - with that said, are you looking to find a publisher? If so, you just need a working title; the publisher will likely come up with the official one as they'll have a greater sensitivity to market need.

 

If you're going to self publish then that's a slightly different kettle of fish - do you have a blurb that you can post here?

 

Also, what is the current title?

[Howmanheyman 33229]

 

Pre book intro.

 

Set many hundreds of years in the future after a natural disaster brought human civilization to its knees and set development back to the dark ages. This is a story of a young girl who is taken from her home and forced to travel hundreds of miles hunted by dark forces through hostile territory to deliver her brother to his and her destiny.

 

I can send a copy of what I have written to anyone interested.

How about 'Escape from Wearside'?

 

 

(does the future land have a different name or is it still England/Scotland/same town names?)

Edited December 31, 2013 by Howmanheyman

[Kevin Carr's Gloves 3894]

How about 'Escape from Wearside'?

 

[Kevin Carr's Gloves 3894]

Yeah, you need an account to view it - with that said, are you looking to find a publisher? If so, you just need a working title; the publisher will likely come up with the official one as they'll have a greater sensitivity to market need.

 

If you're going to self publish then that's a slightly different kettle of fish - do you have a blurb that you can post here?

 

Also, what is the current title?

 

The current title is Escaping Darkness but there are hundreds of books with that as the title.

 

How is the blurb up a couple of posts?

 

Not really looking to get published I just want to write a book and self publish it online.

Edited December 31, 2013 by Kevin Carr's Gloves

[Howmanheyman 33229]

 

The current title is Escaping Darkness but there are hundreds of books with that as the title.

 

How is the blurb up a couple of posts?

 

Not really looking to get published I just want to write a book and self publish it online.

Need a bit more details on who/why the 'dark forces' are.

[Kevin Carr's Gloves 3894]

Set many hundreds of years in the future after a natural disaster brought human civilization to its knees and set development back to the dark ages. This is a story of a young girl who is taken from her home and forced to travel hundreds of miles hunted by dark forces through hostile territory to deliver her brother to his and her destiny.

Prologue.

Digard stood and listened for sounds of the group of men he tracked. He had been tailing the group for five days now and they had taken him further north than he had ever been. He had been on the Great Isle for three years now and he was due to return soon.

The Enclave had sent him out to find children and so far he had found none but when he had seen the group and who was leading them he had guessed they may lead him to one who would meet the requirements he was looking for.

He was very careful in his pursuit of the group to ensure he was not spotted. Although he was positive he could handle the four armed men and their leader he had taken great pains in his time on the Island to not bring attention to his presence. If they knew he was here he would be hunted down and killed for definite and probably tortured if caught. That is what they did to people like him.

After he had listened some more and ensuring himself there was no one around he climbed the nearest tree and set an aerial among the highest branches and ran a wire down to his pack on the ground. He took out a small box like mechanism attached the wire turned a handle on the side and attached ear phones and listened.

 

“Yes we will be in at the village in five days we are meeting another four Sergeants at arms here before we make our final journey. We need trackers and scouts, reports say the village is well armed and wary of intruders with traps and lookout posts watching for raiders. ”

“You are sure there is one among them”

“Yes a young boy he is the one who has created their weapons and defenses as well as designing machines for them for everyday tasks. There is even talk of electricity”

“Good we need to take the boy they must be made to see the evil route that he has led them down before we are lead to another cataclysm may the god be with you”

“May the god be with you too brother”

Digard unplugged the ear phones and packed the box and after climbing to retrieve his ariel he set off into the night.

Chapter one.

 

Ailidh stood very still and sniffed the air, she knew that Callum and Toby were about one hundred meters behind her Callum to her left and Toby to her right. This was her test to see if she was good enough to be allowed to hunt and scout beyond the limits of the settlement on her own. She sniffed again and smelled the waterhole about fifty metres ahead. She crawled slowly forward and to her right to a large oak tree and stood up wary of making sudden movements. When she was standing she moved with agonizing slowness to unpack her bow and string it without making any sudden movements to scare off the animals around her and so alert her quarry. She was all dressed in green with high legged leather boots to keep her feet dry. She wore a knee length cloak with a deep cowl which was patterned in green, black and brown so as to blend in with her surroundings and with the hood which was covered in strips of cloth the same colours as her cloak pulled over her head to hide the shape of her head. On a sling over her shoulder hung a long hunting knife made for her by her brother. It was perfectly waited of the strongest steel and with a sharpness which made the adults envious of it. Everybody wanted hunting gear made by her Culain but he always made the very best for her. Ailidh carefully peered round the ok and saw the three deer at the water hole. One of them was a young adult male with a fine set of antlers which Culain used to for the handles in the knives he made. It was big enough to provide a fair amount of meat for the people of the settlement but young enough to be tender and good to eat. Slowly patiently Ailidh carefully raised her bow and started to draw. Her bow was made of different woods and boiled cattle horn recurved to add extra power. It was much smaller than the bows carried by the adults but still enough to bring down a deer with a good enough shot and Ailidh was the best of shots. Last year at just thirteen she had won the summer archery tournament beating both Callum and Toby who were with her today. They had not been upset at being beaten by a girl because they knew how much Ailidh trained and practised. Ailidh noticed the wind blowing through the bramble bush behind the buck and adjusted her aim. She breathed in a lungful of air and let out half of it paused for a fraction of a second and let loose her shot.

The Buck dropped dead instantly the arrow piercing its heart she let loose a cry to scare off the remaining animals and ran forward to start dressing the beast. Callum and Toby ran forward in a crouch ever watchful as they caught up with Ailidh as she sliced through the deers stomach being careful not to pierce the bowels and innards. She cut it from groin to throat and pulled out all of the slimy evil smelling guts. Toby took a bag from his shoulder and said.

“Put the pluck in here old Bodhrain said he wants to make something with them. Let’s quarter this thing so we can carry it home for hanging.”

 

At fourteen Ailidh was two years away from having to choose her future path. Would she become a protector, the warrior huntsmen who scouted the settlements perimeter for intruders, fought in raids and hunted for wild meat to supplement the cattle herd kept in the forest. Or would she choose a husband and work in the settlement maybe baking or tending crop fields or digging soil pits. The thought of doing this last job made her shudder although she knew that it was one of the most important in the settlement to keep disease away. She knew in her heart what she wanted but was worried it would upset her mother. Her mother loved children and worked with the little ones while their parents worked their tasks which kept the settlement a good place to live. She also knew her mother would love to be a grandparent one day and she was probably the only person who could provide one. Her brother was four years her younger and a strange boy. He made things like the bows and the knives but had also created new ways to climb trees with ropes and bags of rocks. When they were children learning letters little Culain was doing things at two that some children were not when groups left the settlement to scavenge materials for use in building homesteads and such Culain was always first to sort through the rubbish they brought back. He had already made boxes that could be wound up and which shone brighter than a candle, Black glass which heated water for washing in and other devices used every day by the people.

The Blacksmith Niall sat in his chair by the door with his chin on his chest snoring away. In the very early hours of the morning Culain had come into his home and shook him awake. This was just normal behaviour and accepted by Niall as everything Culain did was accepted by everyone in the settlement due to all he had done since he started to make things. Niall’s wife Maja sleepily said “off you go he’s your apprentice” turned over and went back to sleep. Niall stood and grabbed his clothes and went with the boy to the Smithy. In truth the Blacksmith did not need to be there. Culain could operate it all by himself but the boy’s mother and sister had made Culain and Niall promise that Niall would be there whenever Culain was working to make sure he didn’t hurt himself. Niall chuckled to himself at that the boy was so clever if he did ever hurt himself he would just come up with a way to fix it by magic or something. When they got to the forge and started the fire and worked the bellows (which the boy had designed doubling the heat Niall had ever got from it) Culain went to the back of the room and bulled down a box. So it was Ailidh’s new bow he was keen to work on. Niall was very curious to see this as Culain had melted down different types of metal and made casts of sand and glue. He had even cast metal arrows with different points. Who knew what this thing would look like when it was finished.

 

Ailidh, Toby and Callum trotted into the camp navigating their way through the forest in which they lived. They took their meat to the butcher for preparing and then separated to complete different tasks for the rest of the day. That afternoon Ailidh went in search of Culain and found him at the blacksmiths forge.

“Hello Niall how are you today?”

“Tired Ailidh very bloody tired. This brother of yours had me up before sparrows fart this morning.”

“Oh dear I’m sorry Niall but you know what he’s like when he gets an itch in that head of his.”

“Ach never mind me Ailidh truth is I just open up and get everything started then end up snoozing in my chair. I probably had a better sleep than listening to Maja farting and snoring all night.”

Ailidh giggled at that, Niall’s wife was a very dainty woman the exact opposite of Niall and it was hard to imagine her making any kind of undignified noise.

“HI THE PEOPLE, HI THE PEOPLE”

The shout had come from outside the settlement but within the outer defences suddenly the settlement was a hive of activity with people running to set places and grabbing weapons and manning towers. Ailidh ran over to Culain and took him by the hand she then pulled a rope at the nearest big tree and down dropped a ladder which she ushered Culain up while she climbed up behind him. On a platform was a large bow with three large strings operated by a turning handle and capable of sending bolts fed into it from a tall box and a forearms length straight through a man at 3 hundred paces.

“HI THE PEOPLE I AM UNARMED ALONE AND COME IN PEACE”

Ailidh saw the man doing the shouting and turned her weapon on him while keeping her eye open for others. Men of the settlement were carried into other trees which contained other weapons some larger and more deadly than Ailidh’s by counterweight lifts while others carrying composite recurved bows went to the man and shouted at him to fall to his knees and put his hand behind his head.

 

The man was taken into the central round house while Ailidh and the others remained alert for an attack.

 

Ailidh was very surprised and even more worried that he intruder had got as far as the living area of the settlement. This meant he had somehow navigated his way past the various blinds, obstacles felled trees and planted bramble bushes placed so they would lead anyone travelling through the forest away from the settlement. Also there was an outer perimeter of lookout points, traps, and deadfalls he must have avoided. Ailidh wondered how he had got past all these things and why?

 

Digard knelt and waited for the men to come to him and could see the determination in their eyes.

 

“I have weapons in my pack I have none on my person I am here in peace on a matter of urgency for your settlement”

The men made no sounds and did not speak as they kicked aside Digard’s pack and searched him thoroughly.

“Please take me to your elders I need to speak to your council.”

One of the men spoke.

“Get Duphrain”

Digard knelt waiting for this Duphrain to come to him. Soon a man tall and grey haired came to where he was still being watched.

“I am Duphrain head of the council of elders here. What do you want and how did you get past our alarms and defences.”

Digard looked him straight in the eye noting his confidence and intelligence and simply said “The ones are coming for the boy”.

“Take him to the roundhouse gather the full council and bring Muireall”.

Digard was lead into the central building of the settlement a large roundhouse big enough to contain a large number of people. He was given a seat and offered water which he took and was surprised by the clarity and quality of it.

“Where do you get your water?”

“We have a well and then it is passed through pipes and then boiled in tanks before we consider it fit to drink”

Digard considered the answer and knew he was doing the right thing. Soon a number of older people men and women came into the building with Duphrain at the head they faced Digard.

“What do you know of The Ones?” they asked.

“I have been tracking a group of them with 6 men at arms for the past five days. Last night I heard them speak of a settlement in the forest where a young boy has been creating machines. They are on their way here to take him. They are waiting on others to join them and will be here in four days”.

This last caused a shockwave of horror throughout the assembled elders.

The one called Duphrain said “Who are you and why do you care what The Ones are up to.”

“My name is Digard I am a scout and soldier of The Enclave across the water and I have also come for the boy.”

Some of the council shouted “He is a slaver here to take Culain for his own ends kill him!”

Duphrain calmed the people down and said “What is this enclave across the water.”

From the back of the room an old voice said “I know.”

All eves turned to where an old woman at least seventy years old sat with a stick held in both hands.

Duphrain said “Siona you know of this Enclave?”

“Yes many years ago before my Kainath came to our village trading animal hides and ended up bringing me here. A man like this one came and took an apprentice smith with him to this Enclave and the boy went to learn more about his craft than he could dream the man said.”

Digard thought for a moment and said “Was this a long time ago and was the boy called Mordain?”

“Yes how do you know?”

“He is my uncle he married my Mothers Sister and had four children all girls all grown up and with children of their own now. If you look in my pack there is a knife he made for me when I was just a boy?”

One of the men of the settlement looked in the bag and brought out a hunting knife of perfect make and weight and as sharp as any they had ever seen. He took it over to Siona who looked at the forte and saw a stamp there of three interlocked circles with an M in the centre one.

“That is his stamp” she said and looked up “He is telling the truth we must listen to what he tells us.”

 

“Well” said Duphrain “you have our attention why do you want Culain?”

 

“I do not know how many of you know the history of the world but many hundreds of years ago the world coughed a cloud of fire and ash into the sky which in turn created a food shortage so severe the whole planet went to war to protect what little food they had. It is hard to believe now but hundreds of millions of people died in that war and the famine that went with it until civilisation crumbled and great cities became the ruins we still see today. That is when The Ones started to rise and told everyone that science created the cataclysm and that only by returning to the land and following their way could we hope to be saved.”

Duphrain interrupted him “Yes we know this we have been visited by The Ones in the past but we do not trust them they wanted us to raid another settlement we had traded with for years because they said they had “strayed from the path” we refused and when they brought armed men we taught them the error of their ways.”

“If only all people were like you the world would be a much better place. I guess they did not come back because they are like all bullies ultimately scared of the strong. However they want the boy and will attack again and again until they have him or kill him. You know what he does is science and that is their great heresy they cannot and do not let special people like him live.”

 

A woman in the crowd burst into tears and started sobbing “Oh my boy, oh my boy.”

Duphrain told Digard that she was Muireall the boy’s mother.

 

 

 

Ailidh was watching her target zone while at the same time trying to keep an eye on the roundhouse. Suddenly one of the men came running from the roundhouse.

“Ailidh I am to take your post you and Culain are to go to the council.”

Ailidh grabbed Culain’s hand and they both put a foot in two looped ropes hanging from the tree. They pushed off the tree with their other feet and swung down on the descending rope and ran to the roundhouse to see why they were needed.

 

When they got to the tree Ailidh saw her mother was crying with two of the council women comforting her.

“Mum what’s wrong?”

“Oh Ailidh, Culain come here let me hold you.”

As Ailidh and Culain went to her Ailidh looked across at Duphrain the council leader and the stranger who had come to the settlement. After hugging her mother she marched across to Duphrain with Culain following her closely.

 

“What’s happening here Duphrain why is mother so upset?”

 

“I’m truly sorry Ailidh truly I am but this man is called Digard and he has come here to warn us that The Ones are hunting Culain.”

Ailidh turned around and grabbed Culain to her.

 

“Culain but why, how do they know about him what do they want?”

It was Digard who spoke.

“It is difficult to say how they found out about him but you trade with others these things happen without malice. As to what they want well they want Culain they will accuse him of the heresy of science and they will take him away never to be seen again.”

“So what do we do can we fight them we have weapons and scouts and skilled warriors. I can help…”

Ailidh’s mother interrupted her this time.

“Ailidh child don’t be silly”

This stung Ailidh into silence as her mother went on. “We cannot ask these people our friends and family to give up their lives and risk a full blown war with The Ones just for one person”

Ailidh shouted back emotion cracking her voice.

“Then what mother I won’t allow you all just to give him up to those people I will fight for Culain if no one else will”

Duphrain spoke again.

“Ailidh calm yourself that is no way to speak to your mother. There is no way anyone in this settlement would allow Culain to go with The Ones. There are choices to be made here by the Council, All in the settlement and by you and Culain.”

“What do you mean by me and Culain?”

“Ailidh this man is Digard he is a scout and warrior of a place called The Enclave. They want Culain to go and join them”

“The Enclave what is that I’ve never heard of it and we have had people trade with settlement five days away.”

It was Digard who answered. “The Enclave is much more than five days away child it is over the ocean off the Great Isle. As to what it is well it is a place of science and invention. I have been sent to find people like Culain to come and join us we hope one day to bring science back to the world and free the people from fear.”

“Culain will go nowhere without me”

“And that is why this choice is for the both of you. Digard has offered to take both of you to the Enclave it will be very dangerous I have told Digard of your skills and he has said there will be a place for you among the scouts and warriors of The Enclave if that is what is decided.”

Duphrain raised his voice so all could hear it.

“We have all heard what this man has told us and what he offers. When the sun is at its high spot tomorrow we the people of the settlement must make choices. Do we wait for The Ones to come, do we fight to keep Culain or do we let Ailidh and Culain travel across the water for a new life in this Enclave. Know this and think on it all of these choices are fraught with peril and any one of them can succeed or fail and the price of any failure will surly mean death. Now go out to the people talk and listen we will meet tomorrow night after the sun has set.”

Muireall had asked Digard to eat with her family that night. Digard knew this was not just an altruistic offer; she wanted time to listen to him and watch him so she could make a decision on whether she trusted him. Digard decided straight away to be brutally honest about everything it was the only way his conscience could allow him to try and persuade this young girl and boy to join him on the perilous journey back to the Enclave.

It was Ailidh who spoke first asking Digard to tell them all about the Enclave and what the people do there.

“The Enclave is a place of science, there people perform a whole host of tasks many of which are like the things the people here in your settlement do. We have bakers and butchers, smiths, carpenters, people who dig toilets, farmers, hunters and of course the warrior / scouts like myself. Our main task is the protection of the Enclave. We are in a mountainous area good for protection and easy to defend but we are wary of The Ones banding together in a large enough group to try and attack us. This is because our main function is the work of the scientists. They are what drives The Enclave. They create machines for transport, heating, we have houses with pipes carrying water straight to them, They create medicines and ways to make life easier and safer for all of the people. It is our dream that one day we can return the knowledge of science to all of the people of the world and end the domination of The Ones. When this happens people like young Culain do not have to be hidden away to protect them. They can shine out and use their thoughts to make everyone’s life better, safer and healthier.”

Culain was watching Digard with a large smile on his face as he told them about things he had seen but had very little understanding of.

“Those little boxes that shine which Culain made. In The Enclave we have tower with big arms blown by the wind which means all of the buildings have lights hanging from the ceiling which can illuminate a whole room at the press of a switch.”

No longer able to contain herself Muireall stared straight at Digard and asked “How dangerous is this journey you are asking my children to take Digard? Can you protect them or will you run to save your own life?”

Digard looked back matching the intensity of Muireall and said “The journey is full of danger we must travel past places full of people who would want to either kill us or take the children for slaves. I make this promise though that I will never leave the children’s side as long as my lifeblood flows through my body.” He smiled and continued “Besides From what I have been told about Ailidh Culain will be protected by two warriors”.

“Huh I am the best shot with a bow in the settlement and can take down a bird on the wing. I can break wood with my hands and feet and can use more weapons than most boys. I can creep upon a deer until I can almost touch it and it doesn’t know I am there. When I am older and have a stronger bow I will be able to take down any target in front of me.”

At this last Culain jumped to his feet and shouted “BOW!!” and took off out of the room. Muireall exclaimed “Where is that boy off to now”.

 

Some minutes later Culain came back into the home with a box and two quivers full of arrows.

“It’s your new bow Ailidh I made it for you it will be more powerful than any bow you have ever seen.”

Ailidh carefully lifted the box and inside was something which looked like no bow Ailidh had ever seen before. The stock seemed to be made of metal filled with holes, instead of curving back the limbs of the bow came back of f the stock at an angle and what at first looked like three strings proved to be one string but was looped over wheels at the end of each limb. She lifted the new bow and found it surprisingly light.

“Come on Ailidh let’s go outside and practise”.

Digard stood up and said “Yes Ailidh I would very much like to see how this bow works I have never seen anything like it.”

They went outside with Culain carrying one of the quivers and explaining things to Ailidh.

“It will be hard to pull at first but then should get easier, There is a sight on the stock just to help you I have set it to work for one hundred metres, you don’t have to unstring it to protect the bow and the string is something I found and will work just as well when wet but it will need to be dried off and rubbed down with oil except these two bits underneath the limbs. The arrows are made of metal as wood won’t take the pressure of firing and here.” He handed Ailidh a piece of material with loops on. “This will protect your fingers when you draw it.

Ailidh let Culain put the finger protector on her hand lifted an arrow from the quiver and nocked it onto the string. She then hefted the bow sighted on a tree fifty metres away and drew. Culain was right the initial weight was tough but it got easier. She inhaled fully exhaled half of her breath then let loose the arrow. It missed the tree by half a metre and buried itself in one to its right five metres back.

 

“I will need to get used to this finger protector but I think I will get the hang of it.”

Digard said “I want to go and see what happened to the arrow.”

When they got to the tree that Ailidh had hit they saw that the arrow had embedded itself about half way into a thick beech tree.

 

Digard looked at Ailidh and then looked at her new bow. “I think we should try and find somewhere we can practise with that thing where we might be able to retrieve those arrows. Culain how many arrows did you make?”

 

“One hundred with different tips for different purposes, I made a tip which is intended to break up on penetrating a body to make it a little more deadly when shot at an opponent who can shoot back.”

Ailidh looked at Culain and exclaimed “That sounds awful Culain!”

 

“It might sound awful Ailidh but if you and Culain do come with me then that bow and the arrows Culain has made may go a long way to ensuring we all finish the journey alive and well.”

 

They walked to a small hillock and Digard drew several targets on its side and they spent the next two hours with Ailidh firstly finding her aim and then with Digard giving her drills to complete. She shot from behind a tree Digard made her kneel down then stand up release an arrow and then kneel down as quickly as she could. When Ailidh had manage to do this to Digard’s satisfaction he had her running from tree to tree nocking arrows on the move and shooting from different positions. After doing this for a full day with only short breaks for food and water Ailidh was panting hard when the evening arrived but was still unwilling to stop when her mother called them for the evening meal before they were due to go to the roundhouse for the decision on what was to happen to her and Culain.

Culain, Ailidh and Digard sat round the table in their home while Muireall brought a platter with bread, butter, honey, dried meats, fruits and berries. There was a big jug of water and Muireall filled everyone’s cups while the children and Digard started to fill their plates with food.

 

It was Muireall who broke the silence.

“The time is coming for us to make a decision as to what is to happen to my children Digard, I am scared to send them away but I also know what may happen if Culain stays and The Ones come for him. It is time for you to tell me more about this Enclave you have come to us from.”

Digard thought for a moment and took a sip of water before speaking.

“You have two strong children Muireall you are very lucky I think.”

“I can count Digard my late husband and I made sure when we had children they would arrive in mid spring to give them a good chance to live.”

“Well I will start by telling you in The Enclave it does not matter when a child is born and all have an equal chance at survival. It is more rare for a child to die than to live even ones born in the depth of winter.”

“How is this possible?”

“Because we are a place of learning we have people who create medicines not just to make us well when we are ill but to prevent us from getting ill. A lot of the illnesses that people see every day are virtually unheard of in The Enclave.”

“Is that what you do then make medicines?”

“That and more, we have machines which power themselves. If the children come with me I will take them to a place where we will be picked up by a ship which travels across the water without a sail or rowers. These things we have because of people like Culain who can think of these things and make them real.”

“And you Digard are you one of these people?”

“No I am not Muireall I am what we call a soldier. It is my job to protect The Enclave and make sure the people there are free to live in peace. Much like your protectors here although we do not hunt as much we have herds enough to feed our people.”

“Why do The Ones not break this Enclave then?”

“Well firstly we are big more than ten times the size of this settlement with soldiers and machines ready to protect. It would take a large army to break us and The Ones would have to make a huge undertaking to agree with each other long enough to get an army big enough. Secondly we live in a place surrounded by mountains with few passes capable of taking enough men and even then they make it easier to defend. Do not get me wrong we are threatened all the time but thankfully The Ones argue amongst themselves too much to crush us. I believe in the power of people Muireall it is this power which makes The Enclave the best place for Culain and for Ailidh who has the strength and skill to become a soldier of great renown.”

Ailidh and Culain looked at their mother both had heard the words of Digard and both of them knew that this was what they wanted. To travel to a distant land and seek out a new life in this wondrous place without the shadow of persecution from The Ones.

 

The roundhouse was full as almost everybody from the settlement was in attendance for the meeting. The only people not there were the lookouts keeping watch for intruders. Duphrain the leader of the council of elders stood in the centre of the throng with Digard next to him and Culain and Ailidh just behind. Duphrain called for order in the meeting and when the hubbub of conversation had died down to silence he spoke.

“We are here this night to make a momentous decision one that I had hoped we would never have to make. This man is Digard he has come to us to warn us that The Ones are coming to take Culain away, I do not have to tell you what will happen to him if that happens. He claims to come from The Enclave and has credentials to back this claim. The questions before this meeting are, do we let Digard take Culain and his sister Ailidh across the water to this Enclave or do we keep him here and fight any of The Ones who come. While the journey facing Culain and Ailidh is replete with danger if they stay and The Ones come people will die as we fight them off. These are the decisions we must make they will be made by the majority of the people. Who will speak?”

The first to step forward was Niall the blacksmith.

“I speak as friend to Muireall and Culain who came to me as an apprentice but is now truth to speak the master smith of this settlement. As a man with only daughters Culain has come to be part of my family and we love him dearly as we do Ailidh and so do all others here. I had in quieter moments had dreams of Culain marrying one of my girls, if Ailidh allowed it”. This last got smiles and chuckles among the gathering and lessened the tension in all of them. “I will stand and fight if they stay and will man a weapon that Culain himself has designed. But before any decision is made I think we should hear from Ailidh about the thoughts of her and her brother. I trust them entirely to make the right decision”

This got a chorus of agreement from everyone there and all eyes turned to Ailidh and Culain. Ailidh looked down at Culain and momentarily reached down and lightly squeezed his hand as she stepped forward to speak.

“I have never left the settlement in my life I have hunted our land and scouted the land but I have never gone too far from this place. Culain has not gone as far as this the settlement has been his whole life. We have talked and what we have decided is this. We want to go, we would rather face untold dangers in our journey than stay and have people die for us. We love you all as our family and we could not stand anyone of you to lose your life for us when we have a chance to prevent that. We know that we will face danger on our road but we both wish to go to The Enclave. Culain wishes to meet people who think like him he has never met one yet and I wish to learn from people like Digard and to hunt and scout in different lands. We ask the people to respect our wish and let us go.”

There was silence from the crowd until Duphrain stepped forward and spoke.

“Ailidh has asked us to let her and her brother take this journey to new lands and find a new life that we may avoid a war. They show great courage in making this decision what do the people say do we let them go?”

There was a large shout of “AYE!” from every throat there as Ailidh and Culain smiled at each other while their mother gathered them in her arms and tried to hide her tears.

[Rayvin 5223]

Ok that sets the scene - I think for me, the thing to work out is why the Enclave need Ailidh, or children in general, and what their overall objective is - I know it mentions restoring science, but is that the overall thrust of the book, or is the story hijacked by unforeseen events (you mentioned dark forces in your earlier passage).

[Kevin Carr's Gloves 3894]

Ok that sets the scene - I think for me, the thing to work out is why the Enclave need Ailidh, or children in general, and what their overall objective is - I know it mentions restoring science, but is that the overall thrust of the book, or is the story hijacked by unforeseen events (you mentioned dark forces in your earlier passage).

 

They don't need per se kids at all the Enclave just want to keep science from dying and no to do that you need fresh blood constantly so to speak. Also they want to stop the religious people getting their hands on them because they kill them. Ailidh has to go because Culain would not go on his own but would go if Ailidh goes. She wants to go because she wants adventure and excitement and a chance to prove herself.

 

These are the plot points for the rest of the book.

 

Book is roughly about 350 pages 250 words per page = 87,500 which means I am one twelth of my way into the book.

Digard comes to the settlement and argues case. Digard ailidh and Culain leave the settlement the children say goodbye to their mother.

 

Can add a bit where the protectors go out to meet The Ones. And bring them in to the settlement.

 

Can also add some narrative from the group chasing Digard and the kids.

 

At some point one of the Sergeant at arms of The Ones will question the use of technology. The answer will be that as servants of The One God they are above the laws of nature.

 

Digard and the children head south to an ancient structure which will allow Digard to signal the Enclave to arrange transport across the water. They pass the ruins of a large city and are attacked by slavers. Culain adopts a large Rottweiler bitch which just takes to him. Ailidh kills her first man with her bow.

 

They continue on their journey when they get clear of the city. The slavers go back to the city and tell The Ones who use a radio to notify all of The Ones to look for the group and catch or kill them. Digard and the children come across a man living on his own. He has lost his family to sickness and hates the ones for killing doctors. He gives Digard a rifle.

 

The leader of The Ones chasing our heroes is Gideon Fleur.

 

The group get to the transmitter and notice a break in the transmitter wire . Ailidh volunteers to climb the tower to mend the break. They fashion a harnes with clips but rain and wind make the climb perilous. However they are worried about how long the storm may last so she makes the climb anyway. (Thrilling bit) Ailidh fixes the cable and they make tge transmission and liaise with an Enclave ship off the coast a day and a half away.

 

The ones intercept the message and plan to intercept them at the shoreline.

 

Battle at the shoreline. Ailidh is brilliant with bow and knife the dog attacks too and saves Culain and takes an arrow to her hind quarters. Digard takes an arrow to the chest and vows to hold the attackers off with captured arms while Culain, Ailidh and the dog make the ship.

 

Ailidh and Culain make the Enclave.

[Rayvin 5223]

Is it a one off book or the start of an epic? If the latter, I think you can get away with quite short titles which can all tie into each other. If it's a one off then I think it has to be more descriptive of the book itself.

 

For instance, if it was a series you could possibly call it something like "The Enclave Saga: New Beginnings/Enlightenment" and then release every subsequent edition with "The Enclave" prefix.

 

I chose 'Enclave' because it's a good word that you don't see around much, but if there is a message you're seeking to communicate through the book that is more important then this should perhaps be given priority.

[Kevin Carr's Gloves 3894]

Is it a one off book or the start of an epic? If the latter, I think you can get away with quite short titles which can all tie into each other. If it's a one off then I think it has to be more descriptive of the book itself.

 

For instance, if it was a series you could possibly call it something like "The Enclave Saga: New Beginnings/Enlightenment" and then release every subsequent edition with "The Enclave" prefix.

 

I chose 'Enclave' because it's a good word that you don't see around much, but if there is a message you're seeking to communicate through the book that is more important then this should perhaps be given priority.

 

Well in my head I have stories for another two books but I would have to see how writing this one went first. I like your title though.

[Rayvin 5223]

I'd like write my own at some point (I work in publishing, it's hard not to pick up the writing bug) but it's finding the time and having the commitment to see it through. I do think self publishing is a good option, if you have some channels to market the book into. Alternatively you could just be writing it for yourself - which is actually how a lot of the best books are probably written.

 

I'll keep thinking anyway and see if anything else occurs to me title-wise. Good luck!

[Kevin Carr's Gloves 3894]

I'd like write my own at some point (I work in publishing, it's hard not to pick up the writing bug) but it's finding the time and having the commitment to see it through. I do think self publishing is a good option, if you have some channels to market the book into. Alternatively you could just be writing it for yourself - which is actually how a lot of the best books are probably written.

 

I'll keep thinking anyway and see if anything else occurs to me title-wise. Good luck!

 

Cheers man. I will probably keep updating this I like the feedback you have given gives me a bit of clarity on character development and story.

[Kid Dynamite 7030]

Is it a one off book or the start of an epic? If the latter, I think you can get away with quite short titles which can all tie into each other. If it's a one off then I think it has to be more descriptive of the book itself.

 

For instance, if it was a series you could possibly call it something like "The Enclave Saga: New Beginnings/Enlightenment" and then release every subsequent edition with "The Enclave" prefix.

 

I chose 'Enclave' because it's a good word that you don't see around much, but if there is a message you're seeking to communicate through the book that is more important then this should perhaps be given priority.

+1 for 'The Enclave'

 

If you're looking at the same target audience as 'Twilight' or 'Hunger Games'

[Gemmill 44888]

All the best, I hope you're the next JK Rowling.

[Kevin Carr's Gloves 3894]

+1 for 'The Enclave'

 

If you're looking at the same target audience as 'Twilight' or 'Hunger Games'

 

Yep that's my audience I think.

[Kevin Carr's Gloves 3894]

Changed title to The Enclave Saga : Towards Enlightenment.

[Rayvin 5223]

I missed what the original one was so obviously can't compare, but I think it has a nice ring to it! 'Towards' is a good addition as it implies the journeying aspect of the story.

 

It might change anyway as you flesh the story out of course, but I guess it helps to have a title framed in some form.

[desmondTUTU 0]

How about 'the chronicles of the roundhouse'

[Gejon 2]

Wishtory

[Monkeys Fist 42456]

Thought CT would be all over this thread like a rash.

[Brock Manson 0]

A title can come to you at any time through the writing process. I'd wait until you've maybe finished the first draft and see what leaps out at you.

 

Good trick is to highlight key words in the text and see if you can spin a title out of them.