Football Dreams

[The Fish 10965]

So last night before I went to sleep I either dropped some acid or had a weird reaction to a cuppa tea.

 

So it starts when Joe Kinnear says something stupid (it doesn't matter what) on the phone to me and I'm so aghast I burst into the front room to tell a couple of mates, Jeff Stelling (I know) and my Dad about it.

I've kept Joe talking so I could get them to listen but then get suspicious when I can hear trains in the background of the call, but when I look at the tv he's on the pitch while Newcastle do their pre-game warmup. So I challenge him and the guy on the phone admits he's a Crystal Palace fan on the wind up.

Then immediately I'm getting to my old seat at St James' but there is a guy who won't let me pass until the ball goes out of play (the game had not yet kicked off, but it's a dream so whatever), I get to my seat (which is now pitch side on the east stand near to the corner flag) and the game kicks off just as my Dad takes his seat beside me.

We score from a deep cross and some fat old grey haired bloke heads it in. Sir Alex Ferguson comes running over to the linesman to complain about something as everybody is celebrating. I shout "Fuck off Sir Alex Fergsuon, you wanker" just as the entire stadium goes silent. They all look at me shocked, he grins and gives me the V's. The final whistle goes and we've drawn 2-2 with Crystal Palace but I don't remember any of those goals and finally Joe Kinnear comes over after the final whistle to tell me off for swearing.

I know.

[David Kelly 1260]

Clearly this means you've see Kinnear as your father but would like to be involved in a sexual relationship with him and Sir Alex.

 

Absolute text book!

[CleeToonFan 1]

I've had one were the stadium goes silent and looks at me too . But for some reason I was watching Walsall v Cheltenham at Carlisles ground and it was because I opened my crisps too loud. The human mind is fucked.

[Monkeys Fist 43067]

Nowt worse than some fecker with loud crisps at the match, tbh.