We’ve got people with moustaches playing gypsy jazz records on a gramophone

[Dr Gloom 21965]

New festival aimed directly at twats

 

28-03-12

 

THE Magic Fox Vintage Smoothie Boutique Urban Forest Pop Up Chill Retreat is to be Britain’s first 100 percent twat-friendly festival.

 

 

If Alex James is not there it’s because he’s trapped under one of his own pigs

 

As the festival-marketing season begins, the organisers of the new event claim to have concocted the ultimate pretentious weekend for utterly dreadful people.

Festival ‘curator’ Tom Logan said: “My friends and I wanted to create something for ourselves – a right bunch of wealthy jumped-up media twats with a ridiculous sense of entitlement and legions of horrible mop-headed children, all of whom are called Mungo.

“We would probably get punched at Latitude. Honestly, we’re that bad.

“Magic Fox Vintage Smoothie Boutique Urban Forest Pop Up Chill Retreat is a combination of all the most annoying, smug, po-faced aspects of festival culture into a smorgasbord of heavily-branded twatness.

“There will be deerstalker hats, depressingly nostalgic 90s dance acts – we’ll probably go with Faithless, who are now old enough to be considered ironic – and some fucking thing called The Mystic Dell.

“We’ve got people with moustaches playing gypsy jazz records on a gramophone while the Wombles perform a burlesque routine, stupid fucking food stalls where you can buy a ‘hand-raised’ pie with an infantile name, and luxury woodland play areas where horrible designer-clad infants can kick frogs while giggling.

“It will be a hybrid of Waitrose and The Wicker Man.

“Also there will be macaroon biscuits. And people wearing fox masks, just prancing around aimlessly.”

He added: “But the Magic Fox Vintage Smoothie Boutique Urban Forest Pop Up Chill Retreat isn’t just about twats. There’s also plenty for pricks, like a bicycle-power retro puppet eco-show that reworks Punch and Judy as an environmental fable.

“There will be stalls. We don’t know what they’ll be selling but everything will be a tenner.”

Music fan Emma Bradford said: “I’m going to spend that weekend in West London as it will have become temporarily pleasant.

Edited May 9, 2013 by Andrew

[Ayatollah Hermione 13894]

As an aside, it would be absolutely class to punch Alex James

[Sonatine 11406]

Frankie Boyle summed up him and the rest of Blur perfectly i think

 

Blur. A cheese making cunt; a New Labour cunt; a fake cockney cunt; and a cunt.

[PaddockLad 17290]

Frankie Boyle summed up him and the rest of Blur perfectly i think

 

 

Graham Coxon, just "a cunt".

 

Theres a Festival like this up the road from us...I "know" some people who attend regularly with their kids, Ayo and Hubert...

 

http://www.campbestival.net/line-up

 

actually.... Toots and the Maytals, Richard Hawley, Musical Youth...whats not to like

[Dr Gloom 21965]

the dailymash in fine form. another giggle to brighten up your thursday afternoon. i recognise a lot in this

 

Friends to return as sitcom about miserable, isolated 40somethings

 

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/arts-entertainment/friends-to-return-as-sitcom-about-miserable-isolated-40somethings-2013050968008

[PaddockLad 17290]

New festival aimed directly at twats

 

28-03-12

 

THE Magic Fox Vintage Smoothie Boutique Urban Forest Pop Up Chill Retreat is to be Britain’s first 100 percent twat-friendly festival.

 

 

If Alex James is not there it’s because he’s trapped under one of his own pigs

 

As the festival-marketing season begins, the organisers of the new event claim to have concocted the ultimate pretentious weekend for utterly dreadful people.

Festival ‘curator’ Tom Logan said: “My friends and I wanted to create something for ourselves – a right bunch of wealthy jumped-up media twats with a ridiculous sense of entitlement and legions of horrible mop-headed children, all of whom are called Mungo.

“We would probably get punched at Latitude. Honestly, we’re that bad.

“Magic Fox Vintage Smoothie Boutique Urban Forest Pop Up Chill Retreat is a combination of all the most annoying, smug, po-faced aspects of festival culture into a smorgasbord of heavily-branded twatness.

“There will be deerstalker hats, depressingly nostalgic 90s dance acts – we’ll probably go with Faithless, who are now old enough to be considered ironic – and some fucking thing called The Mystic Dell.

“We’ve got people with moustaches playing gypsy jazz records on a gramophone while the Wombles perform a burlesque routine, stupid fucking food stalls where you can buy a ‘hand-raised’ pie with an infantile name, and luxury woodland play areas where horrible designer-clad infants can kick frogs while giggling.

“It will be a hybrid of Waitrose and The Wicker Man.

“Also there will be macaroon biscuits. And people wearing fox masks, just prancing around aimlessly.”

He added: “But the Magic Fox Vintage Smoothie Boutique Urban Forest Pop Up Chill Retreat isn’t just about twats. There’s also plenty for pricks, like a bicycle-power retro puppet eco-show that reworks Punch and Judy as an environmental fable.

“There will be stalls. We don’t know what they’ll be selling but everything will be a tenner.”

Music fan Emma Bradford said: “I’m going to spend that weekend in West London as it will have become temporarily pleasant.

 

From camp bestival....not a million miles away

 

-Attractions & Activities-

• dance space *
  
• matthew bourne’s new adventures dance workshops *
  
• candoco dance workshops *
  
• trinity laban dance workshops *
  
• brit school song & dance workshops *
  
• tate activities *
  
• bfi film club *
  
• big love inflatable church *
  
• around the world theme *
  
• the castle stage *
  
• the big top *
  
• the bollywood tent *
  
• dingly dell *
  
• art town *
  
• guardian literary institute *
  
• freesports park *
  
• science tent *
  
• soul park *
  
• pig's big ballroom & comedy *
  
• son et lumiere fireworks *
  
• wall of death *
  
• the four corners treasure trail *
  
• under the dragon’s wing *
  
• 80 games around the world *
  
• junior binocular football world cup championship *
  
• wands, crowns & books - nature workshops *
  
• story den: storytelling & shadow puppetry *
  
• medieval jousting *
  
• haven falconry *
  
• spinney hollow and friends *
  
• the bluecoats *
  
• fancy dress parade *
  
• pimp my trolley *
  
• kids disco *
  
• puppet theatre *
  
• face painting tent *
  
• maypole dancing *
  
• baby chill out *
  
• soft play area (under 5's) *
  
• sunday best cardboard record shop *
  
• dressing up area & catwalk *
  
• daemon or doppelganger? *
  
• cardboard castle
  

[Dr Gloom 21965]

got to be honest, i can't imagine anything worse than chasing my toddler around a large festival full of thousands of people for a weekend. fuck that.