Mike Ashley -- Irrelevant Cunt

[Gene_Clark 12]

3 minutes ago, Tom said:

The mackems will calipHATE that.

However we should probably jihad on a bit until something is confirmed.

 we could end up looking like complete Burkas if we try to Ramadam a Muslim pun into every post

[Tom 14011]

6 minutes ago, Ayatollah Hermione said:

I hope the first act as owner is to chop Yedlin's feet off.

Where we're going WE DONT NEED YEDLINS!

[Howmanheyman 33182]

Joselu : "I'm happy here and will fight for my place."

 

 

[Anorthernsoul 1221]

We've been waiting for these headlines for 12 years.

[Kid Dynamite 7025]

3 hours ago, PaddockLad said:

 

1.Staveley had a bid submitted for the purchase of the club by Chris Mort of Freshfields Solicitors. They would indisputably would’ve required proof of funds before submitting the bid. George Caulkin states this here:

 

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/amanda-staveley-i-want-to-buy-newcastle-its-hurtful-and-absurd-to-call-us-time-wasters-2c05m05fh

 

2. Ashley then didn’t sell to Staveley. His choice but he then put out the bullshit that she wasn’t serious. 

 

3. Kenyon apparently couldn't raise the funds to launch a bid. No way to tell if he was serious or not. He’s not spoken to the press on this.

 

4. Ashley doesn’t need to sell.

 

5. SJP is virtually SDs only advertising vehicle.

 

6. No one has mentioned Rafas contract this morning.

 

7. Chill the fuck oot

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm perfectly chilled Are you? 

[@yourservice 67]

This would be the cherry on top...

[Renton 21621]

9 minutes ago, @yourservice said:

This would be the cherry on top...

That would actually make sense

 

 

[Howay 12496]

2 hours ago, Ayatollah Hermione said:

 

 

GIVE ME THAT SWEET, SWEET BLOOD MONEY

 A Dubai journo apparently, the Chronicle crew followed him immediately  

 

As always I’m skeptical, the thing I’m clinging to is that this one has an actual buyer attached to it, there seems to be details and leaks coming from his side, and the club haven’t denied it and have now apparently said there are negotiations happening. 

[Rayvin 5220]

I hope Ashley's been doing some cultural sensitivity training tbh, not sure how these fellas will take to his usual 'approach'.

[PaddockLad 17256]

1 hour ago, Kid Dynamite said:

 

I'm perfectly chilled Are you? 

 

That was a generic, forum wide suggestion my dear old thing. You are, as always, the chilliest of the chilled

 

This one is going to hurt when we’re still waiting for news on it in September mind... 

Edited May 27, 2019 by PaddockLad

[essembeeofsunderland 811]

1 hour ago, Renton said:

That would actually make sense

 

 

You can laugh, and we can laugh but........ 

[The Fish 10857]

Bunch of accounts saying the deal is done, but I've no idea who they are, so I don't buy it. I'll wait for Caulkin, Edwards or the Club to announce it before I rip my cock off.

[ewerk 30602]

9 minutes ago, essembeeofsunderland said:

You can laugh, and we can laugh but........ 

I'd like to laugh with you as I hold you in my arms and we dream of what could have been had we not lived in a world so dead set against our love.

[Howay 12496]

3 minutes ago, The Fish said:

Bunch of accounts saying the deal is done, but I've no idea who they are, so I don't buy it. I'll wait for Caulkin, Edwards or the Club to announce it before I rip my cock off.

It mostly seems to be UAE or Dubai based journos saying it’s done on my feed. Lee Ryder is of course following all of them and hoying paraphrases of their tweets into his ‘articles’  

[The Fish 10857]

There's even one bloke claiming to be the Sheikh's lawyer. He's saying the deal is all but done and we'll get an announcement on Friday. 

However, a quick translate of a few of his tweets shows he's a Man Utd fan, one says "The Newcastle fans are snatching" and a face palm emoji. So I say his claims are camelshit.

[Howay 12496]

1 minute ago, The Fish said:

There's even one bloke claiming to be the Sheikh's lawyer. He's saying the deal is all but done and we'll get an announcement on Friday. 

However, a quick translate of a few of his tweets shows he's a Man Utd fan, one says "The Newcastle fans are snatching" and a face palm emoji. So I say his claims are camelshit.

Aye, I’m sure there’ll be a lot of that. If you’re an Arab lad it’s a dead easy chance to wind people up  as you say I’m waiting for news from one of the journos I know of. 

[Polarboy 2311]

1 hour ago, Rayvin said:

I hope Ashley's been doing some cultural sensitivity training tbh, not sure how these fellas will take to his usual 'approach'.

 

No need to worry, I'm sure Fat Mike will take the Sheik and his entourage to Wetherspoons and vomit in a plant pot when their backs are turned.

Edited May 27, 2019 by Polarboy

[The Fish 10857]

Just now, Howay said:

Aye, I’m sure there’ll be a lot of that. If you’re an Arab lad it’s a dead easy chance to wind people up  as you say I’m waiting for news from one of the journos I know of. 

Imagining the fume in the Beehive because Ryder can't understand why he wasn't forewarned by Tavernier, Streete or even Steven Taylor??

[Sonatine 11375]

Even Mala of the Impaired Vision is more ahead of the game than the Knight Ryder

[Dr Gloom 21915]

Jimbo’s telly or stfu tbh

[Howay 12496]

8 minutes ago, Sonatine said:

Even Mala of the Impaired Vision is more ahead of the game than the Knight Ryder

His advantage is that he can read Twitter while keeping one eye on sky sports. All done while Lee cries into his pint about how Tavernier won’t answer his calls since Tav become the assist king of Scotland. 

Edited May 27, 2019 by Howay

[The Fish 10857]

The new owner should sell tickets for us to watch the Sports Direct tat stripped from the ground. He'd make his money back over night.

[The Fish 10857]

From Luke Edwards in the Telepgraph

Claims, counter-claims and denials create confusion as Newcastle United takeover edges closer

Claims, counter-claims and denials create confusion as Newcastle United takeover edges closer

27 May 2019, 03:19pm

Newcastle United have been here too many times for anyone to believe it is actually going to happen, but the club is on the verge of being sold by Mike Ashley, bringing an end to one of the most divisive ownership reigns in English football.

Whether the new owner will be the Abu Dhabi-based Sheikh Khaled bin Zayed Al Nehayan remains to be seen, but, crucially, nobody at the club has denied they have been speaking to him.

Neither has the Premier League done anything to deny suggestions that talks were advanced enough for them to have been informed of an impending takeover.

According to several reports in the Middle East from people claiming to be in contact with the Sheikh, a £350 million deal is all but done and the new owner will be confirmed within days. Sheikh Khaled bin Zayed Al Nehayan is from the same family as Manchester City owner Sheikh Mansour and has promised to keep manager Rafa Benitez and provide money to improve the squad in this summer’s transfer window.

This, though, has been denied by those closer to the club, who insist nothing has been finalised, even if the official public line is one of a stubborn “no comment”.

Privately, senior figures at Newcastle were as surprised as anyone to learn the club was on the verge of being sold on Sunday night and have been trying to seek clarification from Ashley before they make any official comment.

That will inevitably raise fears that this is just another false dawn, with all the claims and counter claims reminiscent of so many previously unsuccessful takeover attempts at St James’ Park.

Ashley has tried and failed to sell Newcastle several times since he bought it for around £140m from former owners Sir John Hall and Freddie Shepherd in 2007. Some have even questioned whether he has ever been serious about selling given his persistent inability to find a buyer.

The first aborted attempt came in 2008, shortly after Kevin Keegan had resigned as manager in protest at boardroom interference in recruitment.

Ashley also put the club on the market for just £100m in the summer of 2009, following relegation to the Championship. On both occasions, there were strong reports a sale was close to being agreed, only for the talks to collapse and Ashley to remain at the helm.

How the 2018-19 Premier League season finished

The club was put up for sale again two years ago and once more deals were supposedly in place for him to sell. Financier Amanda Staveley claimed she was close to completing a takeover in December 2017 only for Ashley to dismiss her attempt as a “complete waste of time” a few weeks later.

More recently, former Manchester United and Chelsea chief executive Peter Kenyon announced he was trying to buy the club, but although he was given access to the date room to carry out due diligence before Christmas, a bid never materialised.

In theory, Sheikh Khaled bin Zayed Al Nehayan would have no problem raising the money to meet the asking price given it is believed he has access to more than one billion pounds of funds, but, like Staveley, he has previously failed in a bid to buy Liverpool, with the Merseyside club pulling out of talks in August last year when he was unable to provide proof of funds or pay a £25m deposit.

Crucially, though, the Sheikh is not the only interested party who has been locked in negotiations with Ashley, which increases the chances of a successful takeover taking place.

Newcastle fans are desperate for Mike Ashley to sell the club Credit: action images

Telegraph Sport has been aware of talks taking place under strict rules of secrecy for some time. Interestingly, Ashley insisted he would walk away from any deal if details were leaked before an agreement was in place, as he was tired of people using the club to boost their profile.

Despite the flurry of reports in the last 24 hours insisting that Newcastle have found a new owner, at least one of these groups remains confident they can still get a deal done.

Indeed, sources close to the leading figures have reacted with scepticism to claims Al Nehayan has beat them to it, with two well-placed figures dismissing claims Ashley has sold the club as “bulls***” and “complete b*******.”

That is neither helpful or particularly illuminating, but it does shine a light on the confusion that has engulfed the club since the claims were first made on Sunday.

Newcastle supporters are desperate for confirmation Al Nehayan has seized control, but nobody will allow themselves to believe it until it happens. History tells them to resist excitement when takeovers are mentioned.

[Tom 14011]

Tl,dr

[The Fish 10857]

Tom likes, dodgy riffs