Thought for the Day.

[Meenzer 15371]

When I was young, I admired clever people.

 

I don't believe you.

[ewerk 30221]

When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.

 

Yet you vote Tory.

[Brock Manson 0]

Nice but dim?

 

An din sum.

[wolfy 12]

When I was young, I was told off for putting my fingers in the fire. Now that I'm older, I can tell myself off for doing it.

[LoveTheBobby 1]

Used to work with a bloke who would sign off with an advisory

'Divvn't sit in ya soup .

[wolfy 12]

I was taught a lot by my Nana, who brought me up when my parents left me with her before fleeing the country. My Nana was known as a very tough woman but she did have values and to this day she is still a staunch Newcastle fan, still going to games.

 

She's done some jail mind, though it was mainly down to my Granda as to why she ended up there, as he was a bank robber by trade.

I'd remember being tucked up in bed with my Nana reading me a story whilst Granda was out tunnelling under a bank and there would be a big bang on the front door.

 

My Nana would answer it and in dives about 20 police with riot gear on and batons at the ready.

I'd run to the top of the stairs to see my Nana going toe to toe with a few of them until they managed to pin her down and cuff her.

 

I heard my Nana shout, " what's all this then you pack of idiots, I haven't done nothing"...the Police told my Nana that they were here for Ernie (my Granda) and where is he.

 

My Nana would shout, I'm telling you nowt, I'm no snitch, now either let me go or you'll be sorry when I go to the next Newcastle game because I'm gonna cause you all grief when I gather the crew up for the game and start cracking some heads.

 

The police let my Nana go after this and said, " look Enid, we want no trouble but tell Ernie to stop knocking banks off because we are sick of it"

 

My Nana would come back upstairs and calmly tuck me back up into bed and finish off reading me the last chapter of Enid Blyton's famous five, where Timmy the dog caught the thief, tore a big hole in the thief's arm, which didn't go down too well with the thief and he pressed charges, taking Julan Dick and Ann, George and Ti....hi...mmyyyyyyy the dog to court, where Timmy was lucky he didn't get put to sleep.

 

The other 4 were bound over to keep the peace for 6 months.

 

I don;t remember what happened after that because I'd fell asleep.

[Brock Manson 0]

[LoveTheBobby 1]

Your grandad isn't George Reynolds is it Wolfy ?

[wolfy 12]

Your grandad isn't George Reynolds is it Wolfy ?

Nah!

 

My Granda's not a safe cracker. He tried it once , working on combination locks and realised it wasn't for him when he struggled with the combo on his own bike chain lock, so he's stuck to tunneling.

[LoveTheBobby 1]

great man

 

[The Fish 10685]

[Christmas Tree 4679]

It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile.

[Christmas Tree 4679]

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

 

Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

 

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly.

 

Then, to everyone's amazement he

quieted down.

 

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing.

He would shake it off and take a step up.

 

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.

 

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over t he edge of the well and happily trotted off!

 

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up.

 

Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

 

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

 

Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

 

Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.

 

Live simply and appreciate what you have.

 

Give more.

 

Expect less

 

 

NOW .......

 

Enough of that crap.

 

The donkey later came back and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.

 

 

MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:

 

When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.

[Meenzer 15371]

[Christmas Tree 4679]

 

“Sure I am this day we are masters of our fate, that the task which has been set before us is not above our strength; that its pangs and toils are not beyond our endurance. As long as we have faith in our own cause and an unconquerable will to win, victory will not be denied us.”

 

[Monroe Transfer 0]

So pretentious.

[Monkeys Fist 42004]

So pretentious.

" Smash the Yids"

How's that for you?

[Monroe Transfer 0]

 

That'll do

[wolfy 12]

The boy told lies...many many lies and the people of his village were regularly in panic, believing his lies.

He lied about disaster, he lied about himself. He lied about his family. He lied about the world.

The boy started growing and with that came more responsibility and he knew it was time to stop telling lies.

He gathered all the village to the Village green and stood on his podium to tell them all that he would never lie again and that he has grew older and wiser and will continue to do so.

 

The Villagers rejoiced and went away happy, until the next week, the boy runs into the village and shouts, " a volcano has erupted and it's heading this way, run for your lives."

The Villagers, in total panic, leave all their belongings and run for their lives, realising that where they live is a flat area and they will probably be swamped by the gushing lava that was surely to come.

 

After what seemed like hours of running, they turned to look back to find that their Village, in the distance was intact and everything was how it was.

It was then that they realised that they lived in a place where there was no volcanoes and deduced that the boy was lying.

They formed a court that night and grabbed the boy, put him in chains and put him before the court.

 

The court told the boy, that not only did he tell lies but he gathered all the villagers together to tell them all that he had grew up and would not tell no more lies.

The boy , in his defence shouted, " I have told no more lies and what I told you about the volcano is true."

The court reminded the boy that everyone had run like the wind to escape the volcano and no volcano existed in the small village.

 

The boy stood up and uttered 4 words that struck fear into the court. His words were, " volcanoes from the sky"

The court asked what he meant and the boy shouts..."you all run when I told you about the volcano but I said it was coming yet I didn't say when it would arrive and where it would arrive from."

 

The court reminded the boy that volcanoes don't erupt from the sky.

The boy holds his hands out and points up to the sky and says, " when the sky goes pink, it's an angry God and he is angry because I told lies.... I promised God that I would never lie but it was too late and he told me that when the sky becomes red, it will pour like a volcano and cleanse the land of sinful people."

 

The court asks the boy if he is telling lies again and the boy once again looks up to the sky and says," God up above, show these simple people what you are capable of , for they will never believe me again unless they see a sign."

 

Whooosh! a big wind starts to build up, then a thunder storm and flashes of lightning that hits nearby houses and shatters everybodies solar panels that had aluminium casings, scaring everyone half to death but also making many people with those solars panels drop to their knees knowing their solar panels are destroyed and the fact that they are not insured and cannot afford new solar panels.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The moral of the story is...

Don't buy solar panels with aluminium frames.