mackem messageboard gold

[Renton 22055]

1 hour ago, Alex said:

You’re not going to believe this but you know Billy Hardy? The Sunderland-born boxer who fought in red and white striped shorts. Well it turns out he supports Sunderland. Tony Jeffries as well, the Olympic medalist, also born there who had a fast food van outside the stadium of light on match days. He only supports them as well. It blew my mind 

 

Mind, I'm relieved Lauren Laverne isn't a MLF according to that list cos she's definitely a MILF.

 

[Ayatollah Hermione 14094]

Mind, when we’re on about “taking” Trafalgar Square, there were a group of total fucking scrubbers in the Strawberry after the semi final saying that they were going to jump in the fountain. So, sadly, looks like some elements of our support looked on those mackem idiots as inspirations 

[Renton 22055]

2 minutes ago, Ayatollah Hermione said:

Mind, when we’re on about “taking” Trafalgar Square, there were a group of total fucking scrubbers in the Strawberry after the semi final saying that they were going to jump in the fountain. So, sadly, looks like some elements of our support looked on those mackem idiots as inspirations 

 

Aye, there will be, which is fucking depressing. I'm certainly not going to get on my high horse about being more "classy" than any other set of fans, not even the mackems. If I'm down for the final (looking increasingly unlikely because literally every aspect of this is a ballache) I'll stay well away from Traflalgar/Leicester Square and Covent Garden. 

[Monkeys Fist 43231]

8 hours ago, Alex said:

Tony Jeffries as well, the Olympic medalist, also born there who had a fast food van outside the stadium of light on match days.

Story Time. 

 

When I was working on the Cesspool of Light, that watery thing they built in the SOS car park, my brother-in-law, who I was working with at the time, became knobstruck with the married lass running the bait van in the SOS car park. 
After not too much persuasion from him,  she ended up giving him free bacon butties, her unholy, chip-fat infused minge, and a healthy dose of herpes, which he duly passed on to his lass…

… aye, he was a proper twat. 

Such a twat, in fact, that two of his three sisters have cut off contact with him, Mrs. F being one of them. 
She finally had enough of his shite in 2018. 
I was working in our new house, which had previously belonged to a family friend of theirs and stood empty for a year or so. 
We were moving in within a week or so and I was doing as much work before then as I could. 
I heard the back door open and footsteps coming in so jumped up and went to see who it was- Captain Cunt was stood there, chewing his fucking lips off and gibbering nonsense as he was coked out of his mind. 
(Think of the scene in Goodfellas when Ray Liotta is explaining how to cook a good ragu)

Having barely seen him for the past few years, I was a tad surprised, hence my 

“ What the fuck are you doing here?”

Since he was tweaking like a cunt, it took a while, but I eventually got it out of him that he’d “borrowed” the house keys a few months previously and had copies made, and was using the attic as his drug and drug money stash( aye, he was dealing and dipping).
He’d been doing this previously at his mothers house up the street until she started questioning him, so he thought he’d use our empty (at the time) house instead. 
His plan, after we’d moved in, was to “visit” when we were out at work. 
Given the fucking grief he’s dished out over the years, it gave me some pleasure to take “his” keys and kick the fucker out. 
It turned out later that he was in this state as he was “on the run”, having been told to present himself at Wallsend pork farm to answer charges of domestic violence against his (still herpes infested) poor lass. 
Like I said- absolute cunt. 
Aaaaanyway, to get to the thoroughly disappointing denouement of this sordid saga, when Alex mentioned the bloke above as a “famous fan”, I didn’t have a fucking scooby who he was and thought 

“ Nah, it can’t be , can it?”

Google fu tells me that although Captain Cunt was banging a SoS burger van-based mackem skank, it was a different SoS burger van-based mackem skank. 
 

Tune in next week for more tales of Skeetatch, Scabs, Skanks and Scag. 

[Holden McGroin 6802]

Cracking story MF. 😄

[Monkeys Fist 43231]

1 minute ago, Holden McGroin said:

Crackhead story MF. 😄

[trophyshy 7084]

Worth the read for knobstruck alone.

 

[Howay 12496]

15 hours ago, Renton said:

Mackem bantz. They've got us well and truly tucked here.

 

 I love them making up a nickname purely to gatekeep it. They need to get a grip like “daint enjoy the final youse are going to cos weeeyah went to the Callum Smith LDV vans rental centah community cup theeyah before yaz” fuckin plums, just enjoy your imaginary Barca tiki taka football. 

[Dr Gloom 22200]

12 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said:

Story Time. 

 

When I was working on the Cesspool of Light, that watery thing they built in the SOS car park, my brother-in-law, who I was working with at the time, became knobstruck with the married lass running the bait van in the SOS car park. 
After not too much persuasion from him,  she ended up giving him free bacon butties, her unholy, chip-fat infused minge, and a healthy dose of herpes, which he duly passed on to his lass…

… aye, he was a proper twat. 

Such a twat, in fact, that two of his three sisters have cut off contact with him, Mrs. F being one of them. 
She finally had enough of his shite in 2018. 
I was working in our new house, which had previously belonged to a family friend of theirs and stood empty for a year or so. 
We were moving in within a week or so and I was doing as much work before then as I could. 
I heard the back door open and footsteps coming in so jumped up and went to see who it was- Captain Cunt was stood there, chewing his fucking lips off and gibbering nonsense as he was coked out of his mind. 
(Think of the scene in Goodfellas when Ray Liotta is explaining how to cook a good ragu)

Having barely seen him for the past few years, I was a tad surprised, hence my 

“ What the fuck are you doing here?”

Since he was tweaking like a cunt, it took a while, but I eventually got it out of him that he’d “borrowed” the house keys a few months previously and had copies made, and was using the attic as his drug and drug money stash( aye, he was dealing and dipping).
He’d been doing this previously at his mothers house up the street until she started questioning him, so he thought he’d use our empty (at the time) house instead. 
His plan, after we’d moved in, was to “visit” when we were out at work. 
Given the fucking grief he’s dished out over the years, it gave me some pleasure to take “his” keys and kick the fucker out. 
It turned out later that he was in this state as he was “on the run”, having been told to present himself at Wallsend pork farm to answer charges of domestic violence against his (still herpes infested) poor lass. 
Like I said- absolute cunt. 
Aaaaanyway, to get to the thoroughly disappointing denouement of this sordid saga, when Alex mentioned the bloke above as a “famous fan”, I didn’t have a fucking scooby who he was and thought 

“ Nah, it can’t be , can it?”

Google fu tells me that although Captain Cunt was banging a SoS burger van-based mackem skank, it was a different SoS burger van-based mackem skank. 
 

Tune in next week for more tales of Skeetatch, Scabs, Skanks and Scag. 

a fine yarn.
 

I trust you took his stash as well as his key 

[Tom 14021]

Excellent wordplay gloomy 

[RobinRobin 11657]

29 minutes ago, Tom said:

Excellent wordplay gloomy 

[Toonpack 10053]

2 hours ago, Dr Gloom said:

a fine yarn.
 

I trust you took his stash as well as his key 

 

Was van lass or the herpes riddled sister in law the heroin of the story ??

[Howmanheyman 33962]

13 hours ago, trophyshy said:

Worth the read for knobstruck alone.

 

 

I'm in complete agreeance with this and shall be using the word from now on when the situation calls.

 

Bravo, @Monkeys Fist, bravo.

 

[PaddockLad 17743]

“Cuntstruck” was a common colloquialism in my younger day. Usually used in reference to a kid finding true love for the first time with an actual young woman, rather than with Peter Beardsley/Kevin Keegan/Gazza etc etc

[Alex 35667]

16 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said:

Story Time. 

 

When I was working on the Cesspool of Light, that watery thing they built in the SOS car park, my brother-in-law, who I was working with at the time, became knobstruck with the married lass running the bait van in the SOS car park. 
After not too much persuasion from him,  she ended up giving him free bacon butties, her unholy, chip-fat infused minge, and a healthy dose of herpes, which he duly passed on to his lass…

… aye, he was a proper twat. 

Such a twat, in fact, that two of his three sisters have cut off contact with him, Mrs. F being one of them. 
She finally had enough of his shite in 2018. 
I was working in our new house, which had previously belonged to a family friend of theirs and stood empty for a year or so. 
We were moving in within a week or so and I was doing as much work before then as I could. 
I heard the back door open and footsteps coming in so jumped up and went to see who it was- Captain Cunt was stood there, chewing his fucking lips off and gibbering nonsense as he was coked out of his mind. 
(Think of the scene in Goodfellas when Ray Liotta is explaining how to cook a good ragu)

Having barely seen him for the past few years, I was a tad surprised, hence my 

“ What the fuck are you doing here?”

Since he was tweaking like a cunt, it took a while, but I eventually got it out of him that he’d “borrowed” the house keys a few months previously and had copies made, and was using the attic as his drug and drug money stash( aye, he was dealing and dipping).
He’d been doing this previously at his mothers house up the street until she started questioning him, so he thought he’d use our empty (at the time) house instead. 
His plan, after we’d moved in, was to “visit” when we were out at work. 
Given the fucking grief he’s dished out over the years, it gave me some pleasure to take “his” keys and kick the fucker out. 
It turned out later that he was in this state as he was “on the run”, having been told to present himself at Wallsend pork farm to answer charges of domestic violence against his (still herpes infested) poor lass. 
Like I said- absolute cunt. 
Aaaaanyway, to get to the thoroughly disappointing denouement of this sordid saga, when Alex mentioned the bloke above as a “famous fan”, I didn’t have a fucking scooby who he was and thought 

“ Nah, it can’t be , can it?”

Google fu tells me that although Captain Cunt was banging a SoS burger van-based mackem skank, it was a different SoS burger van-based mackem skank. 
 

Tune in next week for more tales of Skeetatch, Scabs, Skanks and Scag. 

 The cheeky fucking cunt. 

Jeffries seems alright. He retired after a few professional fights (unbeaten as it happens) due to hand injuries that wouldn’t heal. He’s ended up as a personal training / boxing coach / movie fight coordinator and a bit of a minor celeb living in LA. Which, let’s be honest, is a better outcome than the situation 99% of ex-professional boxers find themselves in. 

Edited February 4, 2023 by Alex

[Kid Dynamite 7196]

On 02/02/2023 at 08:50, Monkeys Fist said:

Stand by for claims that Barcelona was “founded” by mackems, they’re all MLF’s, and the formation of Barca Black Cats. 
 

Barcelona: Englishman Miles Barron revealed as club's first manager https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/64403587

3 of Barca's first 4 managers were from County Durham bizarrely 

[Howmanheyman 33962]

34 minutes ago, Kid Dynamite said:

3 of Barca's first 4 managers were from County Durham bizarrely 

 

All MLF's I've absolutely no doubt. 

[Monkeys Fist 43231]

41 minutes ago, Kid Dynamite said:

3 of Barca's first 4 managers were from County Durham bizarrely 

Fine history of top quality managers from there tbh. 

[Howmanheyman 33962]

Basically, world football owes it's existence to Sunderland supporters as they've either founded or managed early on half of the globe's football clubs and even to this day, most of the world's football club fans have a huge admiration and respect for Sunderland AFC whilst simultaneously holding Newcastle United in disdain. In fact, in remote South American villages their holy bible is actually a 1885 copy of the Roker Review. True story. FTM. 

[Rosco 771]

🤣🤣🤣  Oh dear

 

https://www.readytogo.net/smb/threads/how-many-£10m-players-do-we-have-in-the-squad.1599738/

 

Think this person  means the entire squad

Edited February 5, 2023 by Rosco

[Alex 35667]

3 hours ago, Rosco said:

🤣🤣🤣  Oh dear

 

https://www.readytogo.net/smb/threads/how-many-£10m-players-do-we-have-in-the-squad.1599738/

 

Think this persom means the entire squad

LTA’s username on RTG revealed:

[Renton 22055]

Sunderland have only sold 5 players in their history for more than 10 million, all during their Premiership stint. The two Jordans, Mingolet, Bent, and Van Aanholt. Yet apparently nearly every player is worth 10 million after coming up from L1? They are fucking tapped 

 

[Howmanheyman 33962]

They're worth whatever another club is willing to pay. Has any club payed £10m+ for one of their players lately? I don't recall that happening so I'd suggest, in a shock turn of events, they're talking their usual demented shite? 

Edited February 5, 2023 by Howmanheyman

[Alex 35667]

25 minutes ago, Howmanheyman said:

They're worth whatever another club is willing to pay. Has any club payed £10m+ for one of their players lately? I don't recall that happening so I'd suggest, in a shock turn if events, they're talking their usual demented shite? 

They’d need to bid that much first 👍🏻

[Howmanheyman 33962]

2 minutes ago, Alex said:

They’d need to bid that much first 👍🏻

 

So we're basically saying that no club is willing to test Norfolk Mackem's valuation? [Stands back in amazement!]