mackem messageboard gold

[thebrokendoll 9031]

11 hours ago, Tdansmith said:

They had yet another NUFC match thread tonight. 

 

"Won the 'we beat Chelsea reserves at home cup'"  from mackem hero/bell-end  Keith 😂

 

https://www.readytogo.net/smb/threads/nufc-v-chelsea-carabao-cup-round-four-kick-off-7-45pm-sky-sports.1643540/page-13

 

 

 

The meltdown now we've been drawn at home to Brentford will be epic !  

 

 

fucking keith man,

 

 

our starting 11 last night cost about £250m, there's £440m 

 

as for this stupid cunt here....

 

 

we've never in our entire history been in the lower league these cunts have spent 5 years in, 4 of which were consecutive and very, very recent. as for nonces.... best keep quiet on that one bonny lad being as you all sang songs in support of one.

[Alex 34717]

I love how they’re so thick they don’t realise their scramble for the moral high ground involves their being racist. And it’s only ever one NUFC win away from being triggered no matter how well they’re doing 

[Dazzler 9269]

THE MACKEM CEWKBEWK (HARDBACK) | alovesupreme

 

"Page 1 - Homemade pink slices for ya marras.

First get some flour, stick it in yeh mar's best pyrex dish. Hoy a few eggs in it and whisk it up peweh well.

 

Next yeh neyd to get some sugar, stick loads in if yeh want - wa dinnit have any teyth to worry abewt.

 

Finally, stick some 'pink' in it - Aah find it's best the yewse seyts from the stadium, but yeh can substitute the seyt for yeh best faded reg vardy shirt - but only the red stripes marra - dinnit tak the piss.

 

Once yeh've done aal that stick the dish in the oven for a half hour on gas mark 6 - if yeh've connected up to ya neighbours supply to tak their gas then whack it up to a 7, but mak sheweh yeh tamper with that meyteh so tha dinnit find out.

 

After a half hour tak the dish out the oven and let the horrible mess kewl down on the windeh sill for 20 minutes.

 

Cut to serve.

 

Garns well with: tha cheyse slices ya keyp in ya pocket."

 

[Monkeys Fist 41888]

11 minutes ago, Dazzler said:

THE MACKEM CEWKBEWK (HARDBACK) | alovesupreme

 

Tak some chips, from the chinkies if the mrsister is busy having another bairn. 
 

Tak some cheeyse. 
 

Mix them up in a box or summat. 
 

Wallah- Cheeysey Chips! 

[Kevin Carr's Gloves 3788]

58 minutes ago, thebrokendoll said:

 

fucking keith man,

 

 

our starting 11 last night cost about £250m, there's £440m 

 

as for this stupid cunt here....

 

 

we've never in our entire history been in the lower league these cunts have spent 5 years in, 4 of which were consecutive and very, very recent. as for nonces.... best keep quiet on that one bonny lad being as you all sang songs in support of one.

Is £440 m bang on or are you being conservative?

[thebrokendoll 9031]

23 minutes ago, Monkeys Fist said:

Tak some chips, from the chinkies if the mrsister is busy having another bairn. 
 

Tak some cheeyse. 
 

Mix them up in a box or summat. 
 

Wallah- Cheeysey Chips! 

 

don't mention young lassies and the chinkies.....

they'll all burst in to song.

Edited 13 hours ago by thebrokendoll

[thebrokendoll 9031]

2 minutes ago, Kevin Carr's Gloves said:

Is £440 m bang on or are you being conservative?

 

I've no idea mate, I saw it on a rare visit to n.o., I just assumed the poster had done their research   

[Dazzler 9269]

2 minutes ago, Monkeys Fist said:

Tak some chips, from the chinkies if the mrsister is busy having another bairn. 
 

Tak some cheeyse. 
 

Mix them up in a box or summat. 
 

Wallah- Cheeysey Chips! 

 

Page 3 - Wey have Dicksons at home

 

Garn to Lidl and buy the cheypest, shittest sausages.

 

Whilst ya there chaw some stotteys, and peyse pudding.

 

Once tha Nigereyin with the SIA badge stops chasing yeh, mak ya way home.

 

Stick the sausages in the air fryer and cut yeh stotteys and lather them up in the hoistey peayse pudding.

 

Put the chip pan on and stick some gravey granewls in the centuries old lard once it's melted.

 

Put that mess in your best sports direct mug.

 

Whack the under cewked sausages in the bun.

 

Dip in the mug, and enjoy tha best savaloy dip money won't buy, marras.

[Monkeys Fist 41888]

Panackulty

 

Tak some tayties, carrots and onions from next door’s allotment, and give it some with a shiv. 
 

Scrayup out the chip pan, put the salad bits in, then follow Callum the staffie with ya pan until he drops a shite on the carpet. 
 

Put it in with the salad, cewk it on a lightbulb for a week, then eayt it with a bap. 
 

 

 

[Monkeys Fist 41888]

Btw, of course, they have a thread about the above culinary abomination 

 

https://www.readytogo.net/smb/threads/pan-haggerty-v-panackality.711879/
 

 

 

[Dazzler 9269]

Page 5

 

That's it, marra if yeh still looking for something to eayt you'll either neyd to garn back to page 1, or have yeh tried eayting yeh sister mars beyf curtains?

[Monkeys Fist 41888]

5 minutes ago, Dazzler said:

Page 5

 

That's it, marra if yeh still looking for something to eayt you'll either neyd to garn back to page 1, or have yeh tried eayting yeh sister mars beyf curtains?

I was going to say, it clearly doesn’t show how thick the book isn’t in the picture- no way there’s more than 3 pages 

 

2 of them will be pictures. 

[Dazzler 9269]

2 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said:

I was going to say, it clearly doesn’t show how thick the book isn’t in the picture- no way there’s more than 3 pages 

 

2 of them will be pictures. 

The Mackem Cewk Sheyt (one side of A4) 

[Toonpack 9103]

2 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said:

Panackulty

 

Tak some tayties, carrots and onions from next door’s allotment, and give it some with a shiv. 
 

Scrayup out the chip pan, put the salad bits in, then follow Callum the staffie with ya pan until he drops a shite on the carpet. 
 

Put it in with the salad, cewk it on a lightbulb for a week, then eayt it with a bap. 
 

 

 

 

Triggered a memory - Back in the day when the Megadrive was the thing, I used to buy 2nd hand games from ads in the yellow paper for the kids.

 

One time went to deepest darkest mackemville, even the A to Z page (nee satnav back then) was headed "are you sure". Any way gets to the gaff and knock on door, door opens a crack and voice says "ye ok with dergs" aye says I and am let in, greeted by a huge pitbull, "it's ok he's friendly" says blokey and in fairness he was, big soft attention seeking massive jawed lump tbh. So does deal, gets up to leave and my new friend the pitbull decides thats the time to have playfull/friendly jump up at me as dogs sometimes do. Bloke tells dog off and shouts "Bludgeon, get down". 

 

I mean, Bludgeon for fucks sake !!!!!

Edited 10 hours ago by Toonpack

[Monkeys Fist 41888]

 

You sure it wasn’t spelled “Bludging”? 

[thebrokendoll 9031]

6 minutes ago, Toonpack said:

 

Triggered a memory - Back in the day when the Megadrive was the thing, I used to buy 2nd hand games from ads in the yellow paper for the kids.

 

One time went to deepest darkest mackemville, even the A to Z page (nee satnav back then) was headed "are you sure". Any way gets to the gaff and knock on door, door opens a crack and voice says "ye ok with dergs" aye says I and am let in, greeted by a huge pitbull, "it's ok he's friendly" says blokey and in fairness he was, big soft attention seeking massive jawed lump tbh. So does deal, gets up to leave and my new friend the pitbull decides thats the time to have playfull/friendly jump up at me as dogs sometimes do. Bloke tells dog off and shouts "Bludgeon, get down". 

 

I mean, Bludgeon for fucks sake !!!!!

 

mine's called bonecrusher.

can't really say why.

[Dazzler 9269]

6 minutes ago, thebrokendoll said:

 

mine's called bonecrusher.

can't really say why.

He's a chihuahua isn't he?

[Tdansmith 3201]

18 hours ago, Tdansmith said:

They had yet another NUFC match thread tonight. 

 

"Won the 'we beat Chelsea reserves at home cup'"  from mackem hero/bell-end  Keith 😂

 

https://www.readytogo.net/smb/threads/nufc-v-chelsea-carabao-cup-round-four-kick-off-7-45pm-sky-sports.1643540/page-13

 

 

 

The meltdown now we've been drawn at home to Brentford will be epic !  

 

The meltdown actually must have been epic.....off it goes to parnsnip 😂

[Howmanheyman 32595]

3 hours ago, Toonpack said:

 

Triggered a memory - Back in the day when the Megadrive was the thing, I used to buy 2nd hand games from ads in the yellow paper for the kids.

 

One time went to deepest darkest mackemville, even the A to Z page (nee satnav back then) was headed "are you sure". Any way gets to the gaff and knock on door, door opens a crack and voice says "ye ok with dergs" aye says I and am let in, greeted by a huge pitbull, "it's ok he's friendly" says blokey and in fairness he was, big soft attention seeking massive jawed lump tbh. So does deal, gets up to leave and my new friend the pitbull decides thats the time to have playfull/friendly jump up at me as dogs sometimes do. Bloke tells dog off and shouts "Bludgeon, get down". 

 

I mean, Bludgeon for fucks sake !!!!!

 

Are you sure 'bludgeon' wasn't an order and not the dog's name, TP? 

[Toonpack 9103]

15 minutes ago, Howmanheyman said:

 

Are you sure 'bludgeon' wasn't an order and not the dog's name, TP? 

 

Well I escaped, limbs and throat intact, so probably not, just happy dog wasn't called Riptoshreds

Edited 6 hours ago by Toonpack

[thebrokendoll 9031]

5 hours ago, Dazzler said:

He's a chihuahua isn't he?

 

a bulky one, aye.