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Frank Carson


TheMoog
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"I don't think my wife likes me very much. When I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance."

 

"Private Carson I didn't see you in camouflage class today! Thank you very much sir."

 

"A fella said to the doctor: 'What's the good news?' 'You've got 24 hours to live.' He says: 'What's the bad news?' And the doc says: 'We should have told you yesterday.'

 

 

"My wife said to me: 'If you won the lottery, would you still love me?' I said: 'Of course I would. I'd miss you, but I'd still love you.'

 

"A fella walks into a pet shop and says 'Give me wasp.' The shopkeeper replies 'We don't sell wasps.' He says 'There's one in the window.'"

 

"A guy goes into B&Q and says 'I'd like some nails please.' 'How long would you like them?' 'I want to keep them.'"

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"Paddy is woken in the middle of the night by a phone call.

The caller says "Is that Dublin 22 33 22?"

Paddy says "no it's Dublin 223 322!", the caller apologises for waking him in the middle of the night.

Paddy says "Oh it's all right I had to get up to answer the phone anyhow!"

 

Two Irishman went into a pub and the landlord said you’re not allowed to eat your own food in here, so they swopped sandwiches.

Edited by Monkeys Fist
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Saw him at a talk in at Jarrow Buffs.

 

He was great value, wasn't hanging on just to do his his half hour after the auction. For the full 5 hour+ stint from the start to the end of the night he was tapping his glass every ten minutes for attention and telling crackers.

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