Renton 21643 Posted May 3, 2013 Share Posted May 3, 2013 Maybe a dab of talc in your hand to "sneeze" out at the same time Or cocaine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21965 Posted May 3, 2013 Author Share Posted May 3, 2013 bit close to the bone innit. eeeek. this is doing my nut in. i'm probably over thinking it. everything else is sorted, just the ice breaker to decide on and can't make a decision for love or money Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42473 Posted May 3, 2013 Share Posted May 3, 2013 Do the whole thing with a rubber chickens head poking out of your flies. "Cock out". Hilarity will ensue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meenzer 15560 Posted May 3, 2013 Share Posted May 3, 2013 I went for a fairly gentle opener about the groom plucking up his courage, getting down on one knee and asking me to be his best man. Not even a blowjob subtext. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChezGiven 0 Posted May 3, 2013 Share Posted May 3, 2013 Be warm, be genuine, be yourself. Doesnt matter if you dont bring the house down, its not about you, its about your mate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catmag 337 Posted May 3, 2013 Share Posted May 3, 2013 The Bangor joke was used at my cousins wedding at the weekend and while most of us laughed uncontrollably it was more out of shock as we knew the extent of the disapproval in the room Oh and the "Best Man" was a prick, using the line "We all know my brother spends more time with Smudge (the cat) than he does with his fiancee, but then he always has liked a bit of pussy..." Oh dear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 44993 Posted May 3, 2013 Share Posted May 3, 2013 Be warm, be genuine, be yourself. Doesnt matter if you dont bring the house down, its not about you, its about your mate. Aye. Be respectful most of all. Oh and sexy. Always be sexy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meenzer 15560 Posted May 3, 2013 Share Posted May 3, 2013 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 44993 Posted May 3, 2013 Share Posted May 3, 2013 The Bangor joke was used at my cousins wedding at the weekend and while most of us laughed uncontrollably it was more out of shock as we knew the extent of the disapproval in the room Oh and the "Best Man" was a prick, using the line "We all know my brother spends more time with Smudge (the cat) than he does with his fiance, but then he always has liked a bit of pussy..." Oh dear. The wife's sister got married last year and the best man was a right mong. Joking about how him and the groom spend most of their time together stoned; the two of them laughing like Beavis and Butthead. I loved it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21965 Posted May 3, 2013 Author Share Posted May 3, 2013 Be warm, be genuine, be yourself. Doesnt matter if you dont bring the house down, its not about you, its about your mate. There is quite a lot of pressure to be funny. The best man speech is top of the bill. I was hammered by my two best men. And the audience lapped it up. But then there was a bit of heart felt cheese after the jokes. That's pretty much the tone of mine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 10874 Posted May 3, 2013 Share Posted May 3, 2013 There is quite a lot of pressure to be funny. The best man speech is top of the bill. I was hammered by my two best men. And the audience lapped it up. But then there was a bit of heart felt cheese after the jokes. That's pretty much the tone of mine. Anticipation is high, expectation is low. They're anticipating a few shit jokes that they'll laugh heartily too; they're not expecting Bill Hicks. The audience will give you so much rope it should calm your nerves early on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ugly Mackems 133 Posted May 3, 2013 Share Posted May 3, 2013 bit close to the bone innit. eeeek. this is doing my nut in. i'm probably over thinking it. everything else is sorted, just the ice breaker to decide on and can't make a decision for love or money "I was so nervous about making this speach but I was talking to >>insert name of person who works with old people<< he/she asked me to come down to the old folks home/ward and practice the speach.... It went down well...they all pissed themselves....." Was roughly how my mate opened - it went down quite positively. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catmag 337 Posted May 3, 2013 Share Posted May 3, 2013 "I was so nervous about making this speach but I was talking to >>insert name of person who works with old people<< he/she asked me to come down to the old folks home/ward and practice the speach.... It went down well...they all pissed themselves....." Was roughly how my mate opened - it went down quite positively. Not so great if there are any old people in the audience though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catmag 337 Posted May 3, 2013 Share Posted May 3, 2013 (Oh and it's "speech") Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holden McGroin 6613 Posted May 3, 2013 Share Posted May 3, 2013 Both a bit close to the bone! His dad was an ex-copper and loved it. A few people (mainly girls) didnt get the Bangor joke but they came upto me afterwards. "I didnt get the joke but then my boyfriend explained it and I thought it was really funny" Honestly, everyone will be drunk and you're allowed to go close to the bone. You're allowed. Best man afterall !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holden McGroin 6613 Posted May 3, 2013 Share Posted May 3, 2013 "I was so nervous about making this speach but I was talking to >>insert name of person who works with old people<< he/she asked me to come down to the old folks home/ward and practice the speach.... It went down well...they all pissed themselves....." Was roughly how my mate opened - it went down quite positively. I had that one in my speech but took it out just before. There was moany old lady about 5 yards away! In hindsight I should have just gone for glory. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kid Dynamite 7034 Posted May 3, 2013 Share Posted May 3, 2013 this me and another friend were best men at a wedding, I wrote my half of the speech a month in advance so I could memorise it off properly, he wrote his the night before in my gaff with me vetoing most of his jokes. He's the ultra laid back one, got up, took a look around the room fluffed one of his edgier jokes totally froze up, i finished the end of his off then did my own bit. Barely remember doing it tbh because i'd learnt it all off it was a case of going through the motions, but it went down well couple small jokes, a short story about my mate who was getting married and the usual stuff you've to include. Unless you know both families well and are generally a charismatic funny fecker when standing up in front of a roomful of people you don't know then risque jokes are best left out of the thing imo Modesty was always one of your best qualities Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holden McGroin 6613 Posted May 3, 2013 Share Posted May 3, 2013 On reflection I'm tempted to go for the snorting lines line. Got a cracking laugh from my audience. I was completely relaxed after that. Dont get too drunk either. Just stay at a nice level. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holden McGroin 6613 Posted May 3, 2013 Share Posted May 3, 2013 I did mine about a month beforehand as well. Mine was funny though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 44993 Posted May 3, 2013 Share Posted May 3, 2013 His dad was an ex-copper and loved it. A few people (mainly girls) didnt get the Bangor joke but they came upto me afterwards. "I didnt get the joke but then my boyfriend explained it and I thought it was really funny" Honestly, everyone will be drunk and you're allowed to go close to the bone. You're allowed. Best man afterall !!! Some people didn't get that joke!? I'm not sure you can be too pleased with how the rest of the speech went given that audience composition. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holden McGroin 6613 Posted May 3, 2013 Share Posted May 3, 2013 Some people didn't get that joke!? I'm not sure you can be too pleased with how the rest of the speech went given that audience composition. There were definitely some numpties in attendance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigWalrus 0 Posted May 3, 2013 Share Posted May 3, 2013 I'm going for a slide show of embarrassing pictures to throw on a projector screen, from cute baby pics to embarrassing adolescent shots, plenty of dodgy haircuts and him passed out and wasted to help with stories. The speech is sorted. Just not sure about which icebreaker to go for. Getting a cheesy one liner in early door is essential but don't want to use one that's been done to death If I was you, I'd skip the pictures on the projector screen - it ends up being filler. The best speeches I've seen were 10 minutes or under. The pictures on the screen only serve to divert attention away from you, which only ends with people missing jokes or not hearing an important detail as they've been focussed on the pictures too much. It's a speech like no other. I remember doing presentations and speeches at school, university, work etc and you know that at least 25% aren't really paying attention. With a best man speech, you have the entire audience in the palm of your hand. They're paying attention like never before and you need to make the most of it. Don't divert attention away from what you're saying with too many other things going on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21965 Posted May 3, 2013 Author Share Posted May 3, 2013 If I was you, I'd skip the pictures on the projector screen - it ends up being filler. The best speeches I've seen were 10 minutes or under. The pictures on the screen only serve to divert attention away from you, which only ends with people missing jokes or not hearing an important detail as they've been focussed on the pictures too much. It's a speech like no other. I remember doing presentations and speeches at school, university, work etc and you know that at least 25% aren't really paying attention. With a best man speech, you have the entire audience in the palm of your hand. They're paying attention like never before and you need to make the most of it. Don't divert attention away from what you're saying with too many other things going on. I'm not changing course there. I've too many awesome embarrassing photos that his friends and family have to see. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 10874 Posted May 3, 2013 Share Posted May 3, 2013 Might it be worth keeping them for after the food and speeches? When the rest of the evening guests arrive? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChezGiven 0 Posted May 3, 2013 Share Posted May 3, 2013 The best man speech is top of the bill. Dont tell the bride! I think the ceremony tends to take top billing. Be cool man, if you're genuinely not funny, you cant force it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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