Dr Gloom 21965 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 ...is a bit like being asked to make love to the queen. it's a great honour .... but no one wants to do it. i've just been asked to be a best man. it's the second time i've had the honour but the first time i've been asked to do it alone. last time there were three best men. it was quite cool actually as it took the pressure off a bit. anyway, .i've been to about 30 weddings over the last few years and when it comes to the speech, you hear loads of the same ice breakers, that people blatantly rip off the internet, again and again. i've lost count of the last time i heard the old classic "it's been an emotional day .... even the cake's in tiers". without wanting to use an old chestnut liek that, i'm quite up for ripping some decent one liners before i get into the main stories in the speech. what's the best ice breakers you've heard? any good gags out there to use at the top of the speech that haven't been done to death? thanks in advance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest alex Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 I was at a wedding once and quite a posh one at that. Anyway, the best man thought that telling a story about the how the groom was once getting jiggy with a lass down a back alley while his mates cheered him on was appropriate. Only he was so pissed he couldn't get it up so he used the beer bottle in his hand as a makeshift dildo. The speech went down like a wet fart. What I'm trying to say is, know your audience Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tooj 17 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Awesome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21965 Posted February 20, 2012 Author Share Posted February 20, 2012 I was at a wedding once and quite a posh one at that. Anyway, the best man thought that telling a story about the how the groom was once getting jiggy with a lass down a back alley while his mates cheered him on was appropriate. Only he was so pissed he couldn't get it up so he used the beer bottle in his hand as a makeshift dildo. The speech went down like a wet fart. What I'm trying to say is, know your audience i think i'll steer clear of that kind of thing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest alex Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 The bride's Mam and Dad (Yorkshire sheep farmers - make of that what you will) and the Bride herself, thought it was funny as fuck As did I, tbf. The groom's Mam was mortified like and more or less dragged the best man off the microphone. The groom's granny was virtually corned beef, fortunately. Sorry about the thread hijack btw, Dr. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McFaul 35 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 I was at a wedding once and quite a posh one at that. Anyway, the best man thought that telling a story about the how the groom was once getting jiggy with a lass down a back alley while his mates cheered him on was appropriate. Only he was so pissed he couldn't get it up so he used the beer bottle in his hand as a makeshift dildo. The speech went down like a wet fart. What I'm trying to say is, know your audience :lol: that's comedy sketch quality Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 30661 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 http://www.toontastic.net/board/topic/6604-best-man-speech/ http://www.toontastic.net/board/topic/20061-best-man-speeches/ May be of some use. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Face 29 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 http://www.toontastic.net/board/topic/6604-best-man-speech/ http://www.toontastic.net/board/topic/20061-best-man-speeches/ May be of some use. *cringe* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin S. Assilleekunt 1 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 (edited) sweet jesus, there's even stage directions *HF, you should have done a stat-based speech, play to your strengths. 50% of marriages end in divorce iirc, play off that. Edited February 20, 2012 by Kevin S. Assilleekunt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21965 Posted February 20, 2012 Author Share Posted February 20, 2012 anyone got a login for one of those best man speech sites? there was one posted in one of those old threads but it's expired now... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin S. Assilleekunt 1 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 This bloke has picked the wrong man if you're just going to copy and paste from a best-man website. Hope his choice of wife is a bit better, otherwise this isn't going to last 6 months. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Face 29 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 (edited) sweet jesus, there's even stage directions *HF, you should have done a stat-based speech, play to your strengths. 50% of marriages end in divorce iirc, play off that. I did Can't remember it exactly, but was summat like "marriage should be a 50/50 partnership. Pedro, you need to realise that anyone who believes that knows little about women and even less about fractions" EDIT: *groan* Edited February 20, 2012 by Happy Face Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21965 Posted February 20, 2012 Author Share Posted February 20, 2012 This bloke has picked the wrong man if you're just going to copy and paste from a best-man website. Hope his choice of wife is a bit better, otherwise this isn't going to last 6 months. i've yet to see a best man speech that hasn't used at least one gag ripped from the internet. you need an ice breaker to warm up the crowd before you get into the embarrasing stories. the trick is picking one that hasn't been over used. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Face 29 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Utilise some charts.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandman02uk 0 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 (edited) i started mine by standing up with my speech in my hand, first line was "Wow I knew I would be nervous but that’s the 3rd time today I’ve got up out of a warm seat with paper in my hands….. anyway…. Good evening ladies and Gentlemen… I’m James, Garry’s best man, I actually feel like I’m on trial today, Garry said if I did a good job I could be the best man at his next wedding..." good ice breaker and everyone was laughing its good to then get stuck into it and break it up with one liners i took about 4 months to write my speech, you're welcome to a copy of it as most of it is jokes and afterwards lots of people came up to me and congratulated me saying it was one of the better ones they'd heard Edited February 20, 2012 by sandman02uk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaddockLad 17290 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 "I prepared a few lines for today......but I snorted them all off the font in the church before you lot turned up" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin S. Assilleekunt 1 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 This bloke has picked the wrong man if you're just going to copy and paste from a best-man website. Hope his choice of wife is a bit better, otherwise this isn't going to last 6 months. i've yet to see a best man speech that hasn't used at least one gag ripped from the internet. you need an ice breaker to warm up the crowd before you get into the embarrasing stories. the trick is picking one that hasn't been over used. There's the Don Rickles line (probably not his originally): "Your wife is a wonderful woman... what's her name again?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edinburghtoonfan 0 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Might not work in England. "I was honored to be asked to be (bobbys) bestman. His original idea was was to wear kilts for the day to which I said that's cool what's the tartan (said tart in) oh he said I'm sure she's wearing a lovely white wedding dress" That earned me a couple o slaps from the bride but got a few laughs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandman02uk 0 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 first rule of a best mans speech, dont take the piss out the bride, you're there to take the piss out the best man, I had a whole sketch setup with the waiters and waitresses having keys and I was asking everyone who had a key to his wifes old flat to return them i decided making the bride look like a slag in front of her family wasn't the best Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Face 29 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 This bloke has picked the wrong man if you're just going to copy and paste from a best-man website. Hope his choice of wife is a bit better, otherwise this isn't going to last 6 months. i've yet to see a best man speech that hasn't used at least one gag ripped from the internet. you need an ice breaker to warm up the crowd before you get into the embarrasing stories. the trick is picking one that hasn't been over used. There's the Don Rickles line (probably not his originally): "Your wife is a wonderful woman... what's her name again?" Take my wife...please! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetleftpeg 0 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Ah..memories on that other thread. I've seen some quite brilliant best man speeches and also quite twatful. The key is this, if you're going to be twatful and you know it, keep it short. Toss up for the worst I've seen is between my brother and one of my best mates. My brother is a bit of a natural waffler, started well, got a bit too confident with that, went off script and waffled and went on and fuckin on.. My mate's was so bad it was awesome. He's not a natural public speeker and is also shit with the drink..combine the two and it equalled epic fail. He had cue cards which we stole off him afterwards where he'd inserted 'pause for laughter' at certain points..if only he'd been so lucky. Anyway, his best mans speech about another of my mates turned into a drunken breakdown about how his fiance had left him. He laughs about it now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21965 Posted February 20, 2012 Author Share Posted February 20, 2012 Take my wife...please! I take my wife everywhere but she finds her way home Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21965 Posted February 20, 2012 Author Share Posted February 20, 2012 I said, where do you wanna go for your anniversery? She said, I wanna go somewhere I've never been. I said, try the kitchen. Dr. Wellsler is here, wonderful doctor, gave a guy 6 months to live. Couldn't pay his bill, gave him another 6 months. I love this crowd." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 21965 Posted February 20, 2012 Author Share Posted February 20, 2012 i've seen people use props before. could be funny. could be a massive fail. one mates of mine used laugh and applause cards to queue the audience response. went down reasonably well. i was thinking of a drum and cymble kit to hit after each gag. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetleftpeg 0 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Someone said on the previous thread to hold a rubber chicken in one hand throughout the speech, but never acknowledge or make reference to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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