Work wankers

[Gejon 2]

I just work with a complete tosser that no-one likes who talks and fucking talks and you just can't get away from him. Absolute bellend and is the most boring person in the entire world.

 

A few things I do I have to really concentrate but this wanker will just talk at you, you try your best to express facially that you aren't interested and are busy but he just doesn't get it. One of my colleague who is a bit more blunt actually lets out a loud sigh every now and then when the lad starts talking to him but he is still oblivious to it.

 

Just can't stand boring people who are unable to shut up, I am hardly Mr Excitement but this guy is literally the biggest dullard that has ever lived and he is always behind everyone with "news" so will start telling you something you found out about weeks ago (today was Scarlett Johanssen's [can't spell!] nude photos) and you just have to sit there, nod and make the odd comment like you are interested. On the nude pictures thing I did actually tell him I saw them a while back but he basically called me a liar and said they had only come out today.

 

 

 

 

Quite a rant that, he really is big rant worthy though.

Edited October 13, 2011 by Gejon

[S-I-S-S-O-K-O 0]

Same tosser at work reckons he took the photo's that were used for the adverts on bus shelters for Pretty Polly tights, Bells Whisky and Scottish Widdows.

[The Fish 10857]

Same tosser at work reckons he took the photo's that were used for the adverts on bus shelters for Pretty Polly tights, Bells Whisky and Scottish Widdows.

The lass have big tits in those ads?

[Monkeys Fist 42440]

Bloke at work was telling us he’d seen Jimi Hendrix play at the Mayfair.
 

Hendrix never played the Mayfair, he played The Go-Go and City Hall in 1967.
Maybe he got the venue mixed up, you say?

I asked him how old he is, he’s 62, so he’d have been 9yrs old in 1967. 
He totally failed to realise I’d just called him out, and went on to describe how he’d been blown away when he played Voodoo Chile. 
 

Voodoo Chile was recorded in 1968, a year after Hendrix last appearance in Newcastle. 
 

 

Whopper 
 

[TheGingerQuiff 2412]

I once worked with a bloke in his 50s who reckoned he was fishing once, drew his rod back and it hooked onto a sheep in the field behind and he proceeded to be dragged across said field by this sheep. He also reckoned his brother won the lottery and never told anyone, and that he used to rob post offices. After I left that job one of the lads there text me to tell me the same lad had told them he'd seen a UFO.

[Dr Gloom 21921]

a few blasts from the past in this thread: ally, monroe transfer, brock manson, sweetleftpeg, stevie, 

lake bell's tits  

gejon ☹️

[Alex 35079]

1 hour ago, Monkeys Fist said:

Bloke at work was telling us he’d seen Jimi Hendrix play at the Mayfair.
 

Hendrix never played the Mayfair, he played The Go-Go and City Hall in 1967.
Maybe he got the venue mixed up, you say?

I asked him how old he is, he’s 62, so he’d have been 9yrs old in 1967. 
He totally failed to realise I’d just called him out, and went on to describe how he’d been blown away when he played Voodoo Chile. 
 

Voodoo Chile was recorded in 1968, a year after Hendrix last appearance in Newcastle. 
 

 

Whopper 
 

My uncle did actually see him at the Go Go. Or so he reckons. At least he’s old enough to have done so like. 

[Dr Gloom 21921]

i was at the oasis gig at the riverside in about 94 when some radgie ran on stage and lamped noel. he was on totp later in the week wearing massive shades to hide his shiner 

[Howmanheyman 33196]

1 hour ago, Monkeys Fist said:

Bloke at work was telling us he’d seen Jimi Hendrix play at the Mayfair.
 

Hendrix never played the Mayfair, he played The Go-Go and City Hall in 1967.
Maybe he got the venue mixed up, you say?

I asked him how old he is, he’s 62, so he’d have been 9yrs old in 1967. 
He totally failed to realise I’d just called him out, and went on to describe how he’d been blown away when he played Voodoo Chile. 
 

Voodoo Chile was recorded in 1968, a year after Hendrix last appearance in Newcastle. 
 

 

Whopper 
 

Wait till he tells you about the time Vera Lynn sang to him and the rest of the lads on Normandy beach a couple of weeks after they'd taken it good and proper.

[Billy Whitehurst 895]

1 hour ago, Monkeys Fist said:

Bloke at work was telling us he’d seen Jimi Hendrix play at the Mayfair.
 

Hendrix never played the Mayfair, he played The Go-Go and City Hall in 1967.
Maybe he got the venue mixed up, you say?

I asked him how old he is, he’s 62, so he’d have been 9yrs old in 1967. 
He totally failed to realise I’d just called him out, and went on to describe how he’d been blown away when he played Voodoo Chile. 
 

Voodoo Chile was recorded in 1968, a year after Hendrix last appearance in Newcastle. 
 

 

Whopper 
 

You have to admire the bloke for sticking to his guns given how easy it is to prove him wrong. 

 

Barefaced Billy Bullshitting is a dying art these days thanks to those bastards at Google. Fair play to him for giving it a go.

[Howmanheyman 33196]

Worked with someone who reckoned his dad jumped overboard a ship docked just off Malta to swim there for a night out. Got halfway to shore and he was getting tired and a passing dolphin sensing him struggling gave him a lift.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was also on hand to help him swim back when he was full of blooter.

Edited May 11, 2021 by Howmanheyman

[Billy Whitehurst 895]

1 minute ago, Howmanheyman said:

Worked with someone who reckoned his dad jumped overboard a ship docked just off Malta to swim there for a night out. Hot halfway to shore and was getting tired and a dolphin sensing him struggling gave him a lift.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was also on hand to help him swim back when he was full of blooter.

They do say dolphins are intelligent creatures.

[Howmanheyman 33196]

4 minutes ago, Billy Whitehurst said:

They do say dolphins are intelligent creatures.

More intelligent than the swimmer's son.

[Renton 21623]

16 minutes ago, Billy Whitehurst said:

You have to admire the bloke for sticking to his guns given how easy it is to prove him wrong. 

 

Barefaced Billy Bullshitting is a dying art these days thanks to those bastards at Google. Fair play to him for giving it a go.

 

Johnson's got off it off to perfection, near daily, in front of millions of telly and social media viewers tbf. 

[TheGingerQuiff 2412]

Give us a break rents 😭

[Monkeys Fist 42440]

31 minutes ago, Billy Whitehurst said:

You have to admire the bloke for sticking to his guns given how easy it is to prove him wrong. 

 

Barefaced Billy Bullshitting is a dying art these days thanks to those bastards at Google. Fair play to him for giving it a go.

It was so fucking ridiculous - I knew ( without Google) that Hendrix had never played the Mayfair, (partly down to previous Williams claiming to have seen him there) and also since this bloke was clearly not old enough. 
I already had “full of shite” vibes about the bloke, but this was just confirmation. 
 

I didn’t call him out as I want to see what other shite he comes out with. 
 

( Claimed to have seen Pink Floyd in the same conversation, but I didn’t ask him for details on that- totally possible he has seen them, but if, as I suspect, he’s claiming Syd Barrett Floyd he can fuck off twice. )

Hendrix and Floyd played on the same tour in 1967, appearing at the City Hall… when he was 9. 

[Tom 14011]

My dad seen Jimi Hendrix.

 

getting out of a taxi 

[Howmanheyman 33196]

I've worked with a few 'tall story' merchants but a few were real characters to be fair. The real work wankers are as funny as toothache and could never have you laughing. One old workmate told a tale about stealing a fire engine in Cairo and driving around in it to impress a 'Russian' princess he later shagged.  Another old navy sweat told us a tale about a pet monkey called Gus which had us on the floor laughing. Apparently he traded a little monkey with some natives offshore in Africa, he knitted a red velvet waistcoat for it and they were besties at sea and he was basically Gus's dad. Then they arrived months later at Liverpool and someone said he couldn't bring Gus ashore so he handed Gus over to a passing tugboat and that was that. Years later, coming into Liverpool he looked onshore at some bushes at dawn and saw this massive gorilla like creature with little bits of ripped red velvet around it's shoulders. 'Gus?' he shouted and the beast obviously heard him and recognised his voice as it became quite animated beating it's chest and waving back at him.  

[Monkeys Fist 42440]

11 minutes ago, Tom said:

My dad seen Jimi Hendrix.

 

getting out of a taxi 

Your dad was getting out of a taxi in the late 1960s???

 

Sounds like a tall tale 

[Meenzer 15526]

11 minutes ago, Howmanheyman said:

Another old navy sweat told us a tale about a pet monkey called Gus which had us on the floor laughing. Apparently he traded a little monkey with some natives offshore in Africa, he knitted a red velvet waistcoat for it and they were besties at sea and he was basically Gus's dad. Then they arrived months later at Liverpool and someone said he couldn't bring Gus ashore so he handed Gus over to a passing tugboat and that was that. Years later, coming into Liverpool he looked onshore at some bushes at dawn and saw this massive gorilla like creature with little bits of ripped red velvet around it's shoulders. 'Gus?' he shouted and the beast obviously heard him and recognised his voice as it became quite animated beating it's chest and waving back at him.  

 

"And that, son, is how I met your mother."

[Monkeys Fist 42440]

@Howmanheyman, this bloke is definitely in the second category of work wankers- he thinks he’s a gaffer ( aye, one of them). 
 

The first time I spoke to him, he’d pointed out some minor discrepancy in what I was wearing ( hadn’t yet been issued company gear), and told me I couldn’t wear toecappers to drive. 
My first words to him were,

Me-” Are you one of the gaffers?”

BS- “ No, but I’ve been here a few years”

Me- “Right…fuck off then”

Turned out even that was shite as he’d been there 6 months 

[Ayatollah Hermione 13866]

Can't remember if I've mentioned him here but a kid at work likes a good bullshit tale but a lot of the time it's things that you'd never even lie about. He tells everyone he can drive when he can't for one. Just, why bother? He was also mates with Coloccini (don't know how) and he once couldn't come into work because he had to take his dog to the vets because it had a bad head.

[Blastronaut 1333]

59 minutes ago, Ayatollah Hermione said:

Can't remember if I've mentioned him here but a kid at work likes a good bullshit tale but a lot of the time it's things that you'd never even lie about. He tells everyone he can drive when he can't for one. Just, why bother? He was also mates with Coloccini (don't know how) and he once couldn't come into work because he had to take his dog to the vets because it had a bad head.

 

I'd be tempted to give him the benefit of the doubt like unless he seems like he's begging for attention. It's not all that far fetched.

 

Driving thing aside I've also been unable to come into work because of my non-existent dog needed an emergency vet appointment and even met Duncan Disorderly twice and he was mostly sound tbh. 

[Ayatollah Hermione 13866]

He had a heart attack on the dock once and was back doing his graft 20 minutes later. He’s a medical marvel 

[Tom 14011]

On 11/05/2021 at 13:43, Monkeys Fist said:

Your dad was getting out of a taxi in the late 1960s???

 

Sounds like a tall tale 

No man, Hendrix was