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The Dirty Dozen


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Your questions to NUFC's board

 

1. Where's the money that was pledged to be reinvested in the squad after the sale of Andy Carroll gone?

They'll say: It remains in the club

They mean: We won't spend more than £5m on any player. Prefer freebies.

 

2. Why is there such a lack of communication with the fans from Mike Ashley and his board?

They'll say: Following the poor showing of relegation we though it best to keep a low profile.

They mean: It was getting embarrassing when tribunals were exposing us as liars for our public utterances.

 

3. In 2009 you outlined your plans for the club at a fans forum. Can you give us an update on how you see our position now against that plan and if it has changed? What is the long-term plan for Newcastle United?

They'll say: Top 5

They mean: Avoid relegation

 

4. Can you justify why it took seven months to pursue a striker before failing at the eleventh hour to secure a signing?

They'll say: We don't make knee jerk decisions that harm us financially

They mean: We don't make well thought out, planned decisions that cost us money

 

5. Public opinion on Tyneside from large sections of fans is that they no longer trust statements coming out of the club after several empty promises. What assurances can you give fans that they can believe what the club tells them?

They'll say: Every Assurance

They mean: No assurance

 

6. Given that level 7 was deserted in some parts at the Fulham game, is there any reason why those who want to sing can't all be sat together rather than upsetting fans who don't want to sing, which appears to be the problem in the Strawberry corner? What has caused the club to fundamentally change its stance to standing in the stadium?

They'll say: Level 7 is now for the youth who have bought out the entire section. Emptyseats between home and away fans are essential. Standing has never been allowed and the club hasn't changed it's stance.

They mean: People were being nasty to Mike

 

7. Many fans clamoured for a marquee signing on the striker front. Are those days gone and can we expect more continental-based players coming in in January, if any?

They'll say: The club was on the brink thanks to 'trophy' signings. We'll invest wisely.

They mean: We're a selling club now, not a buying club.

 

8. Are you concerned about the 10,000 drop in attendance and that fans are either not renewing season tickets or have headed to support local non-league teams instead?

They'll say: Tough times financially. Average attendance only down 4000 since buying the club and even Man u had 5000 empty seats for their opening game. As we remain succesful, fans will return.

They mean: Couldn't give a toss. The telly money means more to us.

 

9. Is Ashley considering putting the club up for sale?

They'll say: No

They mean: No need to. Always open to offers.

 

10. Newcastle United has the third highest attendances in the country, Sky TV and income from merchandising, plus a lower debt position than many in the EPL. Why in terms of player recruitment can Newcastle not compete with smaller clubs like Stoke, Fulham and QPR?

They'll say: We won't jeopardise the clubs future.

They mean: We're a selling club man, weren't you listening?

 

11. Are you aware of fans' disgruntlement with the away ticketing policy given the Toon Army are amongst the loyallest fans in the UK, and will you consider reviewing the policy?

They'll say: We have to give all of our loyalest supporters a chance to buy tickets.

They mean: We have to give all of our loyalest supporters a chance to buy tickets.

 

12. Alan Pardew said he was 100% convinced he would get a new number 9. What changed?

They'll say: He sees the reality of football and is looking at targets for January.

They mean: Nothing. He's still a mug.

 

13. Why was Joey Barton allowed to leave for free and join a club that could be considered to be a rival in the Premier League?

They'll say: Joey was a disruptivve element in the squad. He rejected a very generous contract offer and any suggestion of a move inmvolving a fee. Our hands were tied.

They mean: We saved a couple of million on wages.

 

14. Many fans now consider us to be a "selling club" after the departures of Nolan, Enrique, Carroll and Barton. How do you respond to this?

They'll say: Look at Arsenal selling Fabregas and Nasri. Man U selling Ronaldo. All clubs operate in the reality of every player having a price too good to refuse. Especially when those players put in a transfer request.

They mean: They're right.

Edited by Happy Face
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