Exile 0 Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 (edited) . Edited August 2, 2011 by Exile Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mongbird 0 Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 In a shock move today, it was revealed that Mike Ashley has sold all supporters of Newcastle United to rival clubs. A brief statement from a club insider said "Obviously we are grateful to the many supporters of Newcastle United for their loyalty over the years, but Mike felt that it was time to capitalize on what he saw as a vast untapped resource. We are hoping to replace our loyal supporters with some cheaper, less vocal imports from Eastern Europe before the season starts. We are still in negotiations at this time, but Mike and Derek are confident that they can not only open up the Polish market to the club, but will have a crowd that are less critical of the current board and their long term strategy for the club." This move was condemned by the fans. Darren, from Wallsend stated. "Its a disgrace. I've supported this club since I was a kid, but because I didn't read the fine print in my season ticket renewal, I inadvertently agreed to becoming a tangible asset of the club. I got a letter through this morning, informing me that I now support West Ham and that I'll be expected to attend all of their home games from now on, or end up in court for breach of contract. It could be worse, I suppose. My mate down the street was sold to Sunderland." Mike Ashley was unavailable for comment, however we managed to secure a statement from Managing Director, Derek Llambias, who said. "Frankly, our supporters have become more trouble than they were worth and so Mike decided it was time to get rid of them. We hope that our new support base will be happy with the exciting new vision we have for the club, which includes renting out the pitch as a car park when games are not being played and the installation of a 30 foot high bronze statue of Mike outside of the main gates. Of course, as most of our supporters won't be able to speak English, it will stop them asking awkward questions like 'What happened to the Andy Carroll money?'" When this reporter asked what had actually happened to the 35 million, Mr Llambias responded. "We said that we were going to reinvest it in the club and we have. Well, as Mike owns the club, that really makes him the club, doesn't it. Do you have any idea of what his monthly Greggs bill comes to? 35 million doesn't even come close." After this, Mr Llambias declined to answer any more questions and returned to his coffin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DEADMAN 0 Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 heh tipical ashley eh hes crafty as a faggot fat twat face Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meenzer 15739 Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 heh tipical ashley eh hes crafty as a faggot fat twat face Many of us are disappointingly naive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DEADMAN 0 Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 im sorry but if people the fans are gonna continue to ignore what is happening then your as blind as you are dumb no affence to anyone but im really getten cheesed off with ashley and lambeyarse ruining our great club into the ground Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manc-mag 1 Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 heh tipical ashley eh hes crafty as a faggot fat twat face Many of us are disappointingly naive. As usual it's the puffs getting the shitty end of the stick. For shame, Deadman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AllyB 0 Posted August 1, 2011 Share Posted August 1, 2011 hilarious, where is that from! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Exile 0 Posted August 1, 2011 Author Share Posted August 1, 2011 (edited) hilarious, where is that from! From inside my head Might do some more, once in a while, if I get chance. Deadman...how can I break this to you... Edited August 1, 2011 by Exile Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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