Jan 0 Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, Can you believe that: 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes I sat on the train this morning opposite a stunning Thai girl. I kept thinking to myself, "Please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection." But she did. The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death….. Did you hear about the fat alcoholic transvestite? All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary. Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador." "You don't want to be doing that, so you don't" says Mick. "Have you seen how many of their owners go blind" I've just had a letter back from Screwfix. They said they regretted to inform me that they're not actually a dating agency... A man walks into a Welsh pub and orders a white wine spritzer. The bar goes silent as everyone stares at him. "Where are you from? You sound English," asks the barman, "I am from just across the Severn," replies the man nervously. "What do you do, 'just across the Severn?'", "I'm a taxidermist." "What on earth is one of those?", "I mount animals." "It's alright boys. He's one of us." Spent £40 on Ebay last week for a penis enlarger. Just opened it and some bastard's sent me a magnifying glass! I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! I presume she was poor she only had £1.20 in her purse. I went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my rectum! Do you think I should change dentist? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 47092 Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Don't call us, we'll call you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChezGiven 0 Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 I'll give you a quicky Jan. [/wacky] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest alex Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Sorry like, Jan but they start badly and get progressively worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jan 0 Posted April 13, 2011 Author Share Posted April 13, 2011 Sorry like, Jan but they start badly and get progressively worse. I never said they were any good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snakehips 0 Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 I didn't know Jan had a cock Man goes into the butcher's and says, 'A pound of steak and kidley please.' Butcher says, 'Don't you mean kidney, sir?' Bloke replies, 'That's what I said, didlI ?' Well you fuckin' started it!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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