"Oh Fuck" Situations

[Guest You FCB Get Out Of Our Club]

Like Jimbo I've had too many oh fuck things in my life to remember, I wrote one pissed the other night, and thought I can't leave that up ffs. One sort of light hearted one looking back was in 1999. I used to work for Northern Rock for a few years, and we got a new boss half way through my stint there. He was homosexual, not his fault, but he was and he used to look at you in a certain way that made you think fuck off you cunt. To make matters even worse he was a mackem, and not only that he was gay and liked football, only in his mid 20's too. Big fuckin Sunderland fan, but he wasn't like a boss you'd talk to every day cos he was boss of about 80 people.

 

Anyway why I remembered this is we played Tottenham this Bank Holiday Monday night. Was just before we played them at Old Trafford in the Semi, can't remember anything about the game apart from Ketsbaia scored a fuckin amazin volley from about 35 yards. Anyway since the ground went all seater I've always had the season ticket in the Leazes, I migrated back to Level 7 in 2005, but one of me mates had an absolutely mint seat right on the half way line in the front row of the East Stand. When he couldn't go I'd have his seat and give me dad or one of me mates wthout a ticket mine in the Leazes. So that's what a done this neet.

 

The game was on Sky, someone might even remember the game cos of Ketsbaia's goal. Anyway in them days the done thing was to go to the coast on a Bank Holiday Monday, and it was a lush day, turned out early doors as ever, and was fuckin critical drunk by kick off time, I remember we got to Masters after we'd been at the coast down the bottom of the bigg market and could hardly stand up before the game. So the next day I wakes up fucked off me face on an incredible amount of drink and other stuff later on, I was so fucked I could see tiny worms swimming on me eyes as I was trying to focus when I woke up. So I rings work up one of the lass supervisors "am fucked had glandular fever all weekend never left me bed" - "Nee bother". I had a worse attendance record than Wigan and had a few verbal warnings.

 

So on the Wednesday I gans in right as rain, bright eyed and bushy tailed. The gaffa comes over 1030. "Steve we've booked the conference room for 230 we'd like to see you then", I didn't know what the fuck it was about.

 

So I gans doon at 230. "So you've had glandular fever?" - "aye I've been in bed since Friday night, can't swallow or fuck all". - "Interesting.....", and I was starting to get worried. I says what's this about like. He said "you were seen at the match on Monday night." I thought some absolute wank had grassed me, I was like "EH??? WHO SAID THAT??" This cunt Craig little mackem scrote he was, "well you were seen by me." I was like "whaaaaaaat? how??? what? I've been in bed". He said "well I saw you handing the ball to Darren Anderton on television close up." I didn't say anything, was a fair cop, pulse was racing like fuck, what could I say? It wasn't me? I got a written warning and had to take it.

[Cid_MCDP 0]

I thought, "Oh fuck!", just a couple of weeks ago at work.

 

One of our conveyance racks had come back from "the customer" tagged to be taken out of service for a bad tray stopper arm. One of the maintenance guys got to it before I did, so when my boss came back to ask me if I'd had a look at it yet, I said, "No- Kevin already fixed it." Well, my boss gets to checking around on it and finds that it's not really been fixed, so he removes the replacement stopper arm and bolt that affixes it to the rack (I have no idea how much the racks weigh, but the trays that get held in by these stopper arms weigh somewhere around 400 pounds or so- I know you can barely budge one off the floor if one ends up there- more on why I'm telling you this in a bit).

 

I get a phone call and have to walk away from the maintenance repair area (and this rack), and when I come back, one of the forktruck drivers is about to put it back into our conveyor. I'm all, "No, no, no!" put it in the maintenance area- it's bad!" He responds that Kevin told him to put it back in, I tell him I know, but that it's not fixed after all and we need to re-weld some shit on it. Our maintenance repair area is fairly small. and when we have to work on one of these racks, it takes up about half of the area, so I'm in front of the truck/ rack trying to guide him in so he doesn't smash our parts cabinets or anything. Finally, he's in far enough that he's free to set te rack down, but unbeknownst to either of us, he's managed to hook an overhead light with the rack he's carrying.

 

He tips his forks forward to set the rack down and the light rips free from the brace it's hung on, which naturally draws my eye to it INSTEAD of the 400 pound conveyance tray that's now hurtling directly towards my face at an alarming rate. I saw it out of the corner of my eye about eight inches away from my head and managed with the help of adrenaline, to catch it and hold it one-handed until the driver could set the rack down.

 

Textbook example of how people get their shit ruined at work, man. Four or five unusual things happening at once, nine of which were particularly unsafe, but added together... well, nearly resulted in me having one hell of a bad day.

[snakehips 0]

When I pulled out of Princess Di about 20-odd years go to discover the blob had burst "It'd be just my luck if she had some ginga kid as a result of this" I thought. I never telt her about the blob, like, as I couldn't bear those houndog looks she did.

 

[Gemmill 46144]

I used to work for Northern Rock for a few years, and we got a new boss half way through my stint there. He was homosexual, not his fault, but he was and he used to look at you in a certain way that made you think fuck off you cunt. To make matters even worse he was a mackem....

 

[Guest You FCB Get Out Of Our Club]

I used to work for Northern Rock for a few years, and we got a new boss half way through my stint there. He was homosexual, not his fault, but he was and he used to look at you in a certain way that made you think fuck off you cunt. To make matters even worse he was a mackem....

 

...and this is why another resolution should be not posting pissed. The story is all true but I didn't need to put that. Sorry Meenzer I'm not homophobic at all, some gay people are the nicest people in the world you could ever meet, but that fucka at Northern Rock he was like a really bitchy, snidey woman, and I regretted not telling him what I thought of him when I left. He was the sort of bloke all the women loved with his cheeky chubby face and lunch time chats about modern womens roles in family life and business, when all the blokes thought he was a nob, which he was.

[Meenzer 15742]

Nee bother Stevie, people like that tend to bring out the worst in me too. It's like Newcastle fans or any other group of people really, just because you happen to be one of them doesn't mean you have to like them all.

 

I bet he dropped the words "girlfriend" and "sistah" into conversation too. Although I'm struggling to imagine that in a Mackem accent.

[Guest You FCB Get Out Of Our Club]

Nee bother Stevie, people like that tend to bring out the worst in me too. It's like Newcastle fans or any other group of people really, just because you happen to be one of them doesn't mean you have to like them all.

 

I bet he dropped the words "girlfriend" and "sistah" into conversation too. Although I'm struggling to imagine that in a Mackem accent.

Absolutely. I remember a kid at school when I was in third or fourth year, he wasn't gay, but I remember him saying "do you ever have days when you think you might 30% gay", my reaction was an immature one something like "ootside", but I thought it was a very mature thing to ask looking back cos he clearly did and he must've known the adverse reaction he'd get. I'm not even totally repulsed by homosexuals like most straight blokes are. Everyones different, if everyone was the same it would be a shit life. At the end of the day there's worse things happen in China.

 

Can't remember him saying girlfriend, but he was effeminate with a really nasty bitchiness built in to his persona, when I just like down to earth people where you know where you stand with them all of the time.

[Monroe Transfer 0]

I'm not even totally repulsed by homosexuals

Just a little bit repulsed then?

[Guest You FCB Get Out Of Our Club]

I'm not even totally repulsed by homosexuals

Just a little bit repulsed then?

No not really let them get on with it. How about you? It's like football violence. Most of the firms now meet away from the match and there's an unwritten law not to do scarfers in. So they meet out the road quite often, two like minded sets of people, they want it and the other firm does, they know what they're getting themselves in to, so they're not causing anyone else harm.

[Monkeys Fist 43218]

When I pulled out of Princess Di about 20-odd years go to discover the blob had burst "It'd be just my luck if she had some ginga kid as a result of this" I thought. I never telt her about the blob, like, as I couldn't bear those houndog looks she did.

 

[ChezGiven 0]

At the end of the day there's worse things happen in China.

Great phrase.

 

Have told this one before about getting an email off a lass at work with the same first name as a lass i fancied. I get this email and i was straight in there, set up a date with her (which i thought was a bit too easy) and then once we'd set the time and place it clicked it was the wrong lass. Oh fuck! Went on the date anyhow and although she was a big lass, she was game and kinky. Anyway, funny thing was that couple of weeks later i had to blow her out at the last minute on our second date as the bird i originally thought was emailing me had been talked into going for a drink. Ended up nobbing her for a while and utterly hated by the other bird.

[Guest]

Is Meenzer gay?

[Guest You FCB Get Out Of Our Club]

Is Meenzer gay?

Aye it's not illegal ye naa. Well it is in Saudi, Iran and Qatar but don't tell Leazes.

[Guest]

Is Meenzer gay?

Aye it's not illegal ye naa. Well it is in Saudi, Iran and Qatar but don't tell Leazes.

 

 

I've nowt against it me, just asking because I didn't know know/realise. How did the subject of his sexuality come up on here for people to know like? There'll be a few on here I reckon, I don't think being open about it is something many people would do on a football message board.

[Guest You FCB Get Out Of Our Club]

Is Meenzer gay?

Aye it's not illegal ye naa. Well it is in Saudi, Iran and Qatar but don't tell Leazes.

 

 

I've nowt against it me, just asking because I didn't know know/realise. How did the subject of his sexuality come up on here for people to know like? There'll be a few on here I reckon, I don't think being open about it is something many people would do on a football message board.

I think it's mint personally, he's got pride in who he is, nothing to hide, but at the same time I don't think he'd appreciate anyone discussing at length so let's just leave it there.

 

Here's Magma on now.

Edited December 30, 2010 by You FCB Get Out Of Our Club

[snakehips 0]

Is Meenzer gay?

Aye it's not illegal ye naa. Well it is in Saudi, Iran and Qatar but don't tell Leazes.

 

 

I've nowt against it me, just asking because I didn't know know/realise. How did the subject of his sexuality come up on here for people to know like? There'll be a few on here I reckon, I don't think being open about it is something many people would do on a football message board.

 

 

You're secret is safe with us. However, just come out, man, you will probably feel much better about yourself.

[Toonraider 0]

I used to work for Northern Rock for a few years, and we got a new boss half way through my stint there. He was homosexual, not his fault, but he was and he used to look at you in a certain way that made you think fuck off you cunt. To make matters even worse he was a mackem....

 

...and this is why another resolution should be not posting pissed. The story is all true but I didn't need to put that. Sorry Meenzer I'm not homophobic at all, some gay people are the nicest people in the world you could ever meet, but that fucka at Northern Rock he was like a really bitchy, snidey woman, and I regretted not telling him what I thought of him when I left. He was the sort of bloke all the women loved with his cheeky chubby face and lunch time chats about modern womens roles in family life and business, when all the blokes thought he was a nob, which he was.

 

I dont agree with that at all! Dont try and dilute your feelings for the board. I prefer to read people's honest lthoughts. Besides you meant no harm. It was purely a personal thing against him not anyone else.