LoveTheBobby 1 Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 I said to my son, "Where you going?" He said, "I'm off to meet a girl." I said, "Don't forget to wear a... you know." He said, "What?" I said, "You know." He said, "Do you mean a condom?" I said,"No, a fucking hat you ginger cunt." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jusoda Kid 1 Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 I said to my son, "Where you going?"He said, "I'm off to meet a girl." I said, "Don't forget to wear a... you know." He said, "What?" I said, "You know." He said, "Do you mean a condom?" I said,"No, a fucking hat you ginger cunt." Like that one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig 6682 Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 Just been to the hospital to have a mole removed from my cock.... the RSPCA said this is my final warning! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42356 Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 Al Qaeda have just bought a controlling interest in The New York Jets. Piss taking bastards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42356 Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 Todays date always reminds me of this German lass I went out with. Hated anal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig 6682 Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 Todays date always reminds me of this German lass I went out with. Hated anal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Besty 4 Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 Todays date always reminds me of this German lass I went out with. Hated anal. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42356 Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 What do you call an Oriental bird with a Magimix on her head? Blenda! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Walliver 0 Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Manson 0 Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?None. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42356 Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?None. Locked! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JawD 99 Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 Todays date always reminds me of this German lass I went out with. Hated anal. I admit I had to think considering when I read it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Kenneth Noisewater 0 Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 I bumped into an old mate today. I asked "What you up to these days?" He replied "I prepare meals for the homeless, druggies, piss-heeds and down & outs." I said "You working in a charity drop-in centre?" He says "No, I'm a chef at Wetherspoons." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JawD 99 Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 Skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little man staring at him, he looks down and says: '7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pounds of testicles, Turner Brown.' The little guy faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says, 'What's wrong with you?' In a weak voice the little guy says, 'What EXACTLY did you say to me?' The big dude says, 'I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each and my name is Turner Brown.' The little guy says: 'Turner Brown?! Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, "Turn around!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jusoda Kid 1 Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 Some African bloke walked in to my pub holding a bucket this afternoon. He handed it to me and said "can you fill this up with water?". "Fuck me" I said, "how many miles have you walked for this?". He said "none you cheeky cunt, I'm the new window cleaner". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 33096 Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 Asked the wife for some oral relief last night, she said, "Do you expect me to suck you off this second? You can forget it!", I said, "No, I just want you to shut the fuck up". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42356 Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 Sean Connery did some DIY at my house recently, but the wooden plank on brackets was not horizontal. When I told him it wasn't good enough he said "I'm ashamed of my shelf". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoveTheBobby 1 Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 Sean Connery did some DIY at my house recently, but the wooden plank on brackets was not horizontal. When I told him it wasn't good enough he said "I'm ashamed of my shelf". did the sweaty cunt still charge you ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42356 Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 yersh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42356 Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 I was at gym this morning when I noticed a little hole in one of my trainers just big enough to pop my finger in. …She made a formal complaint and I'm barred for life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin 1 Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 What did 1 lawyer say to the other lawyer? We're both lawyers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dolly Potter MD 0 Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 (edited) A zip-eyed businessman walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 20000 yen, and walked out with 720 dollars. The following week, he walked in with the same amount, but only received 660 dollars. He then asked the teller why he received less money this week, compared to last week. The teller replied simply ,"fluctuations". The zip-eyed businessman then stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted "Fluc you Amelicans too!". An old Jewish women was walking her grandson down the beach when a huge appeared from nowhere and swept the little boy out to sea. The old women shook her fist and cursed God for 20 minutes, for taking her only grandson. Finally God couldn't stand the irritating cow anymore and he sent another wave, promptly delivering the little boy back, gently & unharmed at her feet. After a quick search of the boy she shook her fist at the sky and shrieked ,"He had 50 cents in his pocket when you took him!" Edited October 19, 2011 by Year Zero Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattM4 0 Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 The most important part of an abortion joke is the delivery. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Face 29 Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 What's black with two broken arms? Colonel Gaddafi's sunglasses! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 42356 Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 The last time I saw Man United fans get fucked this bad, Ian Huntley did it. Ouch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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