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if you heard a joke today, post it


Dr Gloom
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2 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said:

The other night I thought I’d discovered a fetish for taste, touch, smell, sight and sound. 
 

 

Then I came to my senses. 

 

I came into some money this week. I spunked up in wor lasses purse. 

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In the latest business news it has been revealed that Crufts are in severe financial difficulty.  A spokesman for the organisation said it has got so bad they may have to call in the official Retriever.

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Airport security stopped me as I was about to board a flight and said

” I’m sorry sir, you can’t take that crow on board with you.”

 

I said 

“ It’s fine, it’s my carrion crow”. 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Get fucked. 
hitler-techno.gif

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My wife said she's leaving me because I keep making silly puns about her dark yellow oven glove.

However, I wasn't expecting to wake up this morning and find her gone, I mustard mitt.

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9 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said:

My wife said she's leaving me because I keep making silly puns about her dark yellow oven glove.

However, I wasn't expecting to wake up this morning and find her gone, I mustard mitt.

Cut It Out No GIF by CBS

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1 hour ago, Monkeys Fist said:

“I love you honey pie”, Mrs F said earlier. “And I love you tons”, I replied.

“What, no nickname for me?” She asked.

 

 I swear she’s going deaf.

Ded Teletubbie GIF by MOODMAN

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1 hour ago, Monkeys Fist said:

“I love you honey pie”, Mrs F said earlier.
“And I love you tons”, I replied.

“What, no nickname for me?” She asked.

 

 I swear she’s going deaf.

 

embarrassed game of thrones GIF

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